this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Why do men keep on having dates with me and then eventually leave? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 1 week ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world
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So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

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[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Thanks 🫢🏻 something that I noticed that makes them leave a lot is when I ask if they're bisexual. Because in my mind if they're willing to have a relationship with a trans woman then they must be bisexual? It's just an opinion I don't understand why lose interest just because of that

[–] Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Then give them space to label themselves, not all men are introspective or self-aware

The last 60 years has majorly fucked with labels and masculinity, and what seems like a simple question to smooth the relationship to you may feel like an identity attack to them.

The less labels used the better, allow people's actions to define them

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

But sexuality is not just a label, and it sounds like internalized homophobia. If you're attracted to a male of any kind you're at least bisexual and there's nothing wrong with it.

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I guarantee that the boys in these conversations believe that there is something wrong with this.

[–] MITM0@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Source: I said so

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

If you are asking young men, who are bathed and saturated in toxic masculinity, if they are bisexual, then they will perceive this as a direct challenge to their manhood.

In all honesty, you should not ask this question.

Having said that, men who are comfortable with their sexuality won't care about this. However, that comfort typically comes with age.