this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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[–] PeelerSheila@aussie.zone 15 points 1 week ago (30 children)

Ok so I'm having a bit of a rough time ATM. It's in relation to this comment I made yesterday.

Miniest and I have had a few chats, I've tried to be tolerant and accepting but I'm ashamed to say that the tolerance and understanding is not happening as easily on my end of things as it probably should be. I feel that just because the "girliest" girls in the class don't want to play their girly games with you for example, and just because you are not into wearing girly clothes etc., that doesn't make you any less of a girl. It certainly doesn't make you a boy. There is a lot of middle ground between the ultra glam feminine stereotypical examples of womanliness and the more masculine "tom boy" (to use an expression from my childhood) stereotypes of women. Most of us seem to be kind of in the middle somewhere. Some of us have girly nails or drive a girly car or have beautiful girly hair and clothes but also know how to put up a bookshelf or change a washer on a tap or are a mean kick of the footy. That's the beauty of having the freedom to pick and choose and be flexible with your identity and self perception. As you grow up you find your spot and get comfortable with yourself and learn who you are. I'm trying to explain this to Miniest but it's impossible for her to understand because she lacks the life experience to do so, but is pretty steadfast and stubborn about being called a boy. I've had to be honest; I'm sometimes tactful but unfortunately also can be pretty blunt. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and has feathers like a duck and looks like a duck then you can pretty well guess it's a bloody duck. My child looks like a girl, sounds like a girl and to me is a girl, just not a conventionaly girly one, and it's actually this aspect of her that I love the most. She is strongly individual, rebellious, outspoken and creative, hilarious and unique and beautiful. I'm glad and proud of her being my daughter with attributes like these, and I'm not adjusting well to this new thinking, it's making me feel old and tired and a bit lost. Thankyou for reading my rant, I had to put it out there to just.. get it out.

[–] anotherspringchicken@aussie.zone 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Being a non-girly girl, I relate to a lot of a the comments below. I was a tomboy and not into girly things. I didn’t fit in with most other girls (but reckon a touch of the tism didn’t help with that). Puberty sucked and there was a lot of body shaming in my family, so that didn’t help, either.

When my kid was in year 5/6 a big topic of conversation with him & his classmates was sexual identity, and they spent heaps of time discussing and analysing what their identities and preferences were. I was a bit surprised that it all came up so early (would have thought it was more teenage stuff, but clearly idk).

These things are out in the open and talked about a lot more now, so I reckon kids have more leeway to explore different aspects of their identities, which is so much healthier than denying or suppressing them like in the past. I’ve found as a parent, it can be challenging when things come up that I didn’t expect or hadn’t considered - it’s definitely taken me some time to get my head around some things.

I just want to say you’re an amazing parent, Peeler, and you’re doing a wonderful job with your kids.

[–] PeelerSheila@aussie.zone 4 points 1 week ago

It is a lot better that they can discuss things more openly now, and they know so much more than I did and at a younger age too (Elder had a friend in primary school, at around grade 5 iirc, who knew they were pansexual and I had to ask him what it meant.. even Miniest in grade 3 knew lol). They talk about it a lot more than I thought they would too, and certainly with more accurate knowledge than I and my peers did that's for sure!

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