Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
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No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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wow, to be honest I didn't really expect such a thoughtful and non-condescending response to this since it really is the same old unrequited love trope lol, I really do appreciate you for this!
your comment got me thinking and reframing the situation for myself, and you caught me on the pedestal thing. you got that to a T and i didn't even realize it was something I was doing, I guess I thought after enough experiences that I am immune to the whole rose-tinted glasses thing. just letting this happen but being aware of it will go a long way, it's the same thing that helped me with my drinking (almost 1 year dry) and it will be a whole lot easier to let the overly positive thoughts about her go by than it is to let overly positive thoughts about booze go by without falling for it.
you also got me thinking too, I think my whole idealizing her thing is probably, and it's only occurring to me now, that I look up to her for her qualities and maybe I want to be as warm and sunny a person myself. Maybe part of it is also that she makes it hard for me to be cynical, which come to think of it there were exactly three guys in my life who all had this same effect on me and I fell pretty hard for all three but got over each relatively easily. it seems a lot easier to get over homo crushes than hetero crushes, playing off what you said in the first paragraph, probably because society doesn't just lack respect for platonic hetero relationships-- it just doesn't acknowledge that they're possible.
And as far as my hobbies and interests go, I stay pretty busy with guitars, restoring/repairing them, building them (as slowly as I can afford the parts-- a floyd rose trem alone is more than half of my paycheck) and playing of course :) actually it could probably be said less than half-joking that I'm in a more devoted relationship with one of my basses than i ever could be with a person lol. but besides that I'm into working out and hoarding music. I just don't enjoy leaving the house except for hiking in the fall and winter. I realize you're definitely right about me being dissatisfied though because this is all at a time when I've been settling into my new apartment and adjusting to a better position at my job (plus there's always the news I keep trying to avoid), I don't think I've admitted to myself I'm pretty overwhelmed and been unable to cope, for real only last week I was able to get my bass out of storage and I've been so exhausted I've been skipping workouts left and right. so it would make sense that my brain is wandering a lot and I've been feeling pretty low.
I want to thank you again for your response, and apologize for rambling, but you really did help me organize my thoughts and ground myself and I truly do appreciate it. right now I'm asking myself why it felt like such a problem earlier and it's safe to say I'm the one who needed to get out of my head lol, not her. it's still going to take time to get past her but it's going to be easier now to recenter myself when it feels like such a big deal.