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Why do men keep on having dates with me and then eventually leave? (lemmy.zip)

submitted 1 week ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world

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So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

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[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 2 points 1 week ago (9 children)

Once they realized you wanted a relationship and not just sex, they probably lost interest.

Isn't that usually the kind of thing you discuss before meeting, or is the idea that they're deceptive?

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (7 children)

I bet some dudes will pretend they want a relationship just to try and smash on the first few dates. Then if they like the smashing they'll keep it up til it turns to something real or they get bored. If they don't get laid they'll leave and maybe leave some halfassed its me not you response.

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 5 points 1 week ago (6 children)

But I'm very upfront about the fact that I'm not a sexual person at all, which I know is a turn off for a lot of guys

But a lot of them still stay after all, I get 100 matches a day so there's very different kinds of men, I still don't understand why they leave and I think it's because they have dates with me as a second option while they're trying something with another person they like more

[–] Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

A lot of men have 0 sex, so you saying you have low sex drive still gives them more than 0 sex. But they would be settling for your amount of sex. If someone else can give them more, they will take that. And probably a lot of people have more sex drive than you. So they will entertain you while they have no other options, but as soon as an option with more sex drive opens up, they are dropping you.

You have to look specifically for people that don't really want/need sex, it is your obligation to figure that out.

Dating in general is a numbers game, you have to go through a lot of people to get what you want. But you have to know what you want and actively filter for it, if like right now, it seems you basically entertain everything who is friendly to you, you will have a lot of the other side canceling, not you canceling.

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