this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Why do men keep on having dates with me and then eventually leave? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 1 week ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world
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So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

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[–] midribbon_action@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 week ago (18 children)

I'm sorry, I'm not a man, but I do know the answer to your question. Disclosing your trans status in a dating profile is guaranteed to attract chasers. Once they realized you wanted a relationship and not just sex, they probably lost interest. I can almost guarantee it's not your fault, there's just a lot of gross men. You are a woman, it's not a lie. Disclose your trans status before meeting, but try to get to know them better first and get a sense of how they might react. You won't always get it right, and some men may respond badly, and you'll have to block them immediately. This is how I eventually found my husband.

Another option is to use a queer dating app and specifically look for t4t relationships. There are a lot of cute trans guys out there.

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 2 points 1 week ago (9 children)

Once they realized you wanted a relationship and not just sex, they probably lost interest.

Isn't that usually the kind of thing you discuss before meeting, or is the idea that they're deceptive?

[–] midribbon_action@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago

Yes, by definition chasers are deceptive. And I'm not saying every man she's matched with so far is deceptive, but posting that information publicly is known to make a large percentage of matches behave that way.

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