this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2025
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[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 week ago (15 children)

I have no reason to believe the person using it doesn't believe the man is being rude/condescending. Just because I personally believe something isn't condescending doesn't mean the person doesn't view it like that (and whether the person is actually being condescending is a totally different topic).

There are a lot of insecure people in the world, to whom any explanation feels condescending. Are we really suggesting that the perception of the recipient is more valid than the intent of the subject? That's kinda the whole problem.

Is it mansplaining for a man who's been a physical trainer for years to explain to a woman that she's about to seriously hurt herself with improper form? He knows what he's talking about, she's definitely going to hurt herself, his tone is polite but urgent, and the intent is sincerely to help her avoid that. Is her feeling that he's being condescending by criticizing her form enough to make him a mansplainer?

it could be that the term really is used differently and I just haven't personally seen it (always a possibility).

I have personally seen it. I've personally been accused of mansplaining when correcting someone on something I know a great deal about, and immediately after watching them do it very wrong. Honestly I've probably seen it used defensively to delegitimize the man in question much more often than I've seen actual mansplaining.

I'm not saying it's not a real phenomenon, but it seems more often to be a term used to shut down legitimate communication.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 0 points 1 week ago (12 children)

Are we really suggesting that the perception of the recipient is more valid than the intent of the subject? That's kinda the whole problem.

When the topic is "do people use the term mansplaining to describe men explaining something without being condescending", yes.

Is it mansplaining for a man who's been a physical trainer for years to explain to a woman that she's about to seriously hurt herself with improper form?

This is why I said

and whether the person is actually being condescending is a totally different topic

For the topic we're talking about (do people use the term to describe men explaining things while not being condescending), if the woman in that example thought the man was being condescending and thought she knew better, she'd be using the term properly as you describe it should be used. That's the point I'm trying to illustrate. In her mind she views the man as being condescending. In her mind she believes she knows better. So she's using the term correctly.

Now to be clear, I'm not saying it is mansplaining. Nor am I saying the man shouldn't be doing it in that scenario.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago (11 children)

In her mind she views the man as being condescending. In her mind she believes she knows better. So she's using the term correctly.

Now to be clear, I'm not saying it is mansplaining. Nor am I saying the man shouldn't be doing it in that scenario.

That's my point. It's being used far too liberally. I'm not saying they don't feel justified in using it, I'm saying that the standard being applied is far too low, and it shuts down legitimate communication. It has the built in defense of delegitimizing any attempts at clarification, because obviously the mansplainer is just mansplaining how he isn't mansplaining.

To go back to my analogy:

Would you likewise agree that a man would be justified in accusing a woman, with an accurate and valid complaint, of womancomplaining simply because he felt she was exaggerating? And couldn't he then go on to deflect any clarification she offers as further womancomplaining?

I'm not saying these people don't feel like they're using their terms correctly, I'm saying that it shuts down communication and accelerates the weaponization of accusation. It contributes to the gender divide, and has certainly helped to nudge men towards man-o-sphere radicalization.

[–] oascany@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't mean to address any of your points with this reply, I just want to point out that men regularly accuse women of "womancomplaining" or "being too emotional" or "being hysterical." A lot of women were lobotomised because of this kind of thing.

Yes, and it's a bad thing. That's my point.

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