Videos

43:38:

The next decade is going to be a insane financial success for them. And might I just say, Painless was born to be an eccentric rich person. You know, when rich people are just fucking boring and wear $2,000 beige sweatpants and it's like, come on, man. If you're going to if you're going to have stupid money, at least do something weird with it. Painless delivers. He is always as weird and showy and gaudy as possible, and I like that about him.

"In 1904, I bought a Pope Toledo 4 gasoline powered car. The five passenger automobile, which cost me about $3,500, was considered to be a very flashy number in its day, but it wasn't fancy enough for the new owner. I had every square inch of olive drab paint removed from its body and wheels and replaced by gold leaf. Likewise, the black upholstery was replaced with bright red leather. The vehicle was kept so brightly polished that when I drove it down the street, traffic would come to a complete stop as I chugged majestically past."

47:56:

He winds up buying a failing dental office in a supposed partnership with the elderly dentist who's already running it, who is this guy named Dr. Fram.

"I put on my bulletridden top hat, my tails, ascot tie, and wore all 12 karat worth of diamonds. I drove to Dr. Fram's office and told him, 'Get your forceps limbered up. You're going to need them. I'm going out on the streets to dig us up some worms.' I grabbed a two-tone klaxon, a set of Swiss bells, and a small portable organ. That morning, I drove my beautiful red peerless automobile down to Los Angeles and found the busiest intersection I could locate. The car had a big round sign on the side with my Painless Parker name painted on it. I shortcircuited my peerless so that it would backfire, then set off a string of firecrackers next to the car, cranked up the klaxon, and rang the bells. In 1906, automobiles were still considered a rarity, especially those painted bright red. People came running from every direction, expecting to witness a spectacle of an expensive car about to self-destruct. In a matter of minutes, I was standing up on the seat in my automobile. Then, in what I consider to be my most booming voice, I began my famous lecture on the terrors of tooth neglect."

Dr. Fran just stops showing up one day. He's just like, "No, it's not worth it anymore."