this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2025
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Men's Liberation

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Men, where have you gone? Please come back. (NYT, "Modern Love" column) (archive.is)
submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by BenchpressMuyDebil@szmer.info to c/mensliberation@lemmy.ca
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Hey, I came across this on one of the blogs I follow. I wanted to post it to Lemmy and this is the closest community that fit. Hope it's okay - it doesn't seem I'm breaking the

I must admit that I got defensive reading the article and I didn't appreciate the savior complex in the last few paragraphs, but perhaps I'm misdirected. After all, the article isn't complaining about lack of long-term commitment, marriage etc., but the ability to experience dating emotionally. I feel this by the below paragraphs:

I recently experienced a flicker of possibility. With James. [...]. There was just enough spark to wonder what might unfold. Enough curiosity to imagine a doorway. But he didn’t step through it [...] — flirting, retreating, offering warmth but no direction.

Sexual tension and a spark aren’t reason enough to sit still and hope there’s substance behind the shimmer. [...] I invited, leaving the door open. [...]

He never replied. He still follows my Instagram stories — one of those small gestures of passive engagement that so many of us now mistake for closeness. It looks like interest. It feels like silence.

There was a time, not so long ago, when even a one-night stand might end with tangled limbs and a shared breakfast. When the act of staying the night didn’t announce a relationship, just a willingness to be human for a few more hours.

Maybe we’re between paradigms, mourning what’s fallen, not yet fluent in what comes next. The infrastructures of intimacy — slowness, curiosity, accountability — have been eroded by haste, convenience and a kind of sanctioned emotional retreat.

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[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 weeks ago

There is a simple and painful answer to the headline there. Yes, and while men shoulder some of the blame, they aren't the ones who shoulder the most. The same is true for women. The intentional destruction of community is.