this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2025
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Why companies/HR get so pissed when they are rejected by the candidate? shouldn't they be calm like us and not take it personally like they say? (lemm.ee)
submitted 1 month ago by idriss@lemm.ee to c/cs_career_questions@programming.dev
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I got rejected a gazillion times in my career and I still get rejected left and right.

However the moment I express my lack of interest advanced in the position, I get bombarded by emails and requests for meeting..

This happened to me twice:

  1. A few years ago. I passed all the stages, the position included relocation, I missed one thing in my negotiation: the taxes in the new place are really high. I emailed them explaining my position, not interested anymore because of taxes.. Then I start getting requests to set up meetings, and attempt to get me to explain to answer a long list of questions.. I tried to be nice and helpful but it seems people lost their temper already (started getting "unprofessional" emails)

  2. More recently, I passed the first few stages, the last stage seemed too frustrating and slow so I gave up. All of the sudden, things changed again and everyone is trying to understand more in detail...

Why are we expected to eat rejections and not take it personally but they can't take their own advice?

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[–] cynar@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

It likely jams their brains. Accepting a sudden change of plans is a skill. They rarely have to practice it. When it happens they either want to understand it (and so ask a lot of questions). Or they want to make it go away, and so try and bully you into accepting.

You sometimes see a similar thing in dating. Women almost never have to deal with direct rejection. Most are smart enough to take it gracefully, but a few get wildly inappropriate and aggressive about it. Men are on the other side of it. More used to being rejected, and so better at rolling with the punches. You still get a few that react badly however.