The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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late_night@sopuli.xyz

ToothpasteSundae@lemmy.dbzer0.com

I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard, and, I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. (lemmy.radio)

submitted 2 months ago by early_riser@lemmy.radio to c/monkeyspaw@sopuli.xyz

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AND (because it won't fit in the title) In no way should the granting of this wish involve the country of Turkey or the broader Turkic peoples.

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[–] zero_spelled_with_an_ecks@programming.dev 5 points 2 months ago

Granted. It's a decent sandwich.

But by trying to game the paw, you have brought the pedantic wrath of it upon yourself. No weird surprises? Only mundane surprises for you, then. Your identity gets stolen and it takes weeks of being on hold for hours to deal with. You lose 10k in a scam. You find out your friend group has a group chat without you in it. Your laptop battery gets puffy. Your refrigerator stops working 3 days after the warranty expires. Your left knee hurts in a new way. You get lots of stains in your clothing. You get bitten by a mosquito on a hard to reach place on you. An animal you think is nifty gets put on the endangered species list. There's a hair in the next meal you have out. The next time you get in a wheeled vehicle, it gets a flat tire. These sorts of things continue until they're no longer surprises. Then your penance is over.