this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
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[–] WatDabney@sopuli.xyz 154 points 4 months ago (5 children)

And I'm one of them. There's absolutely no way I would or even could ever date some loathsome piece of shit who opposes trans rights, supports Trump, defends the Capitol attack, opposes DEI, wants abortion banned or wants gender roles legislated.

If anything, I'm disappointed that there aren't more of us.

[–] knightly@pawb.social 45 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Right?

I can't imagine the kind of person that cares so little.

[–] Bonesince1997@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I can. I think they are my family. I just don't hear their voices ever. Nevermind Trump support for a second, most of them do not support him. But, all I ever get is silence. I open my mouth, finally there's pushback. Not necessarily that they are bigots, but they are more interested in order than justice, is my take. I can't figure it out otherwise. Not without help.

[–] Seleni@lemmy.world 30 points 4 months ago

I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season."

Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

-Martin Luther King Jr

[–] knightly@pawb.social 12 points 4 months ago

I'm just neurologically incapable of putting myself in their heads. I get that such moderates exist and always constitute a majority in the population, but I can't understand them.

Order without justice is tyranny. If there is no justice, then the order is illegitimate by definition. Yet so many keep acting as if our government is legitimate despite the mountains of evidence to the contrary.

And I can't even blame most of the opposition to reform because the propaganda and surveillance in this country is so thick it makes 1984 seem old-fashioned in comparison.

[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 23 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah I mean how could you date, much less marry someone whose values are so out of whack with yours??

Glad I never had that problem. It's like, just date cool people??

[–] zib@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago

Some people are good at hiding their crazy. Luckily, MAGA types are generally pretty loud about their bigotry and never shut the hell up, so it's easier to weed them out.

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Yeah I mean how could you date, much less marry someone whose values are so out of whack with yours??

Because they lie.

A lot of straight conservative men know that many women do not want to date conservative men. They will not present themselves as conservative men, and instead will list themselves perhaps as “moderates” or “centrists” or otherwise “hide their power level.” This is true for conservative gay men as well, to a lesser extent.

People can be very good at hiding who they really are until the night after you get married. It’s terrifying.

[–] aeshna_cyanea@lemm.ee 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Ok I may be stupid but how this still work now that we have legalized no fault divorce

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

No fault divorce doesn’t mean “instant and easy.” It just means you don’t have to give a reason. My divorce took about a year - although I guess that’s because after he kicked me out he refused to file and took my money lol.

What I don’t understand is why you would marry someone you hate. He had ‘No Children’ played at our wedding, despite me asking him not to.

[–] Catpurple@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 months ago

Keep in mind, the fascists are trying to get rid of that, too.

[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 0 points 4 months ago

Very good point =/ god I'm glad I never dated men

[–] Sho@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I find it hard to even work with those types of ppl, let alone date one.

[–] WatDabney@sopuli.xyz 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I have two brothers who are variations on the theme.

I'm the oldest and middle brother is a longtime conspiracy theorist who's on the anti-vaxx, deep state fringe (and at least pleasantly is notably not a bigot) and youngest is an IT guy and a stock,,-standard tech "libertarian" who rages about wokeism and free speech and idolizes Musk and is about every kind of bigot imaginable.

So I spend holidays mostly hiding in the study, surfing the web and trying to ignore the bits of mansplained propaganda wafting down the hall...

[–] Sho@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's rough, sorry you have that problem. I have a similar thing with my mom and her trump loving b/f. The holidays usually last about 1 hour before I leave.

[–] WatDabney@sopuli.xyz 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

yUgh. That sounds even worse. You have my sympathy.

It's a weird thing about this era. In the past, I would've tried to argue with them about their views, but at this point, it's effectively impossible, since we don't even share a reality. They live in a world in which, for instance, Kamala Harris is a DEI hire who got appointed as the candidate by Biden, who' in turn is still working for the Obamas, and she lost because she's a socialist.

Where do you even start with something like that?

[–] Sho@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

Thanks, I have stopped even trying to make sense of their world. I just get up, say my good-bye to the rest of the family, and leave. It's kinda all you can do, they will try to pull you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Your situation is bonkers for sure.

[–] FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 4 months ago

Seriously, being a bigot is a deal breaker.