I was trying to explain federated websites to a friend and she asked if there is a federated dating app. She recently went through a break up and the apps are dreadful as I'm sure many of you know.

It'd be hard to launch a dating system on the fediverse because it the type of service that relies heavily on network effects. People want to be on the dating app with the most people. However, I think there is an opportunity because the mainstream apps are so notoriously awful, monetized, and enshitified.

It could be a community within an existing network or it could be its own website. I don't know, I'm just putting the idea out there.

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[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 6 points 7 months ago (9 children)

Match group 100% should be broken up.

I think a lot of people, of all genders, are surprisingly bad at the skills needed to use a dating app successfully. People dead end conversations and then are like "why aren't I having fun conversations?"

Like, a profile says "I love SomeBand". You write "hey! SomeBand is my favorite. Did you see their new music video? I don't know how they got those cats to act!" And then respond with "no", end of message. I'm just like my friend, that is not how you use this tool. What do you think is going to happen next?

But yeah, women refusing to take initiative probably isn't helping. But the roots of that are pretty deep in our sexist society, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

[–] rglullis@communick.news 3 points 7 months ago (3 children)

"why aren't I having fun conversations?"

You are taking their question at face value. What they really mean is why am I not being contacted by attractive people?

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 1 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Maybe sometimes. Most modern apps you can only message if you've both signaled interest, so if you're getting messages from people you're not attracted to I'd ask why you swiped on them in the first place.

Secondly, if you get a message and aren't interested, it's better to just unmatch. If you don't have time to respond fully now, then just don't say anything. If you send a half-ass response, you look kind of bad and the other person might bail. Who wants to talk to someone who, based on all available evidence in this scenario, can't hold a conversation? The main thing on these app is trying to make yourself look good. Making yourself look like someone who can't compose a sentence isn't doing yourself any favors.

[–] rglullis@communick.news 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I’d ask why you swiped on them in the first place.

For women:

because getting a match (even if from a "maybe") is always a confidence boost.
because the abundance of men allows them to be extra picky. If they are matching with 8, 9 and 10s, and you are a solid 8. Your luck with them will depend on how many messages they got that night from 9s and 10s.

For men:

Shotgun, spray-and-pray approach.

Who wants to talk to someone who, based on all available evidence in this scenario, can’t hold a conversation?

Lonely and/or horny people.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 3 points 7 months ago

Some of this behavior seems self destructive.

I knew a woman who would be like "I have too many matches it's overwhelming". I'd be like "ok well stop swiping and clear out what you have." She'd be like "no, swiping is fun." Well, ok, but you're not making progress towards your stated goal, and you're wasting the other people's time.

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