this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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Anything that makes you apply your hand to your face.
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I went home with a lady friend, who invited me into her bed, then said that we're not going to do anything. So, I didn't even try, and we just talked and cuddled. FF to two years later, and we start dating, and she questioned why I didn't try anything that night. Like, duh. A lady says no, it means no. That is what I've had drilled into me as a male since I was a very young age. I'm so damn scared of being called for sexual harassment.
You did the right thing. I helped a lady friend move out from her husband's when they split. She didn't want to stay in a new apartment all alone, so I offered to spend the night on her couch. Well come time to bed down, she wanted me in her bed. Then she wanted to snuggle. Then she started rubbing her backside against my front.
Well I read the signs and we had sex. It was fine. Wind up dating for a bit. Like 3 weeks later we were talking about something and she lays on me, "I never said we could have sex so technically you raped me."
You do not fucking accuse someone of technically rape as playful banter. Things went awkward and downhill after that. Not solely because of that. She was not ready for a relationship that soon after splitting from her husband, but I was young and horny and too inexperienced to possess the level of maturity necessary to understand that.
Anyway, maybe if I had made sure to give her more time it would've gone better. Probably not. But I damn sure wouldn't have gotten accused of rape.
Technically she raped you too...
I'm not that technical. I was trying really hard to be a good guy but I definitely wanted to fuck her. That whole façade of maturity crumbled at my first opportunity.
It was all bullshit, technically and otherwise. But there's something about a woman looking at you and saying you raped her that undoes you. There was probably a time in my life after that when I was in danger of going full incel. But I didn't and here we are. We were both young and dumb and I'm sure she could never have known how deeply that cut.