Are you ready for story time, you little shits? Well, gather 'round and let ol' Dirt_Owl tell you nerds a tale. 
Once there was a town that was famous for beans. Everyone in this town grew beans of all shapes and sizes. They were so bean obsessed that every year they hosted a bean contest for the sexiest bean. Yeah, that's right, these sickos liked to fuck beans.
One freak by the name of Phlumptus T. Chugswad had never won the sexy bean contest even though he desperately wanted to. So he decided to genetically engineer the perfect bean, but he accidentally pissed on a pinto bean during the experiment, and a living bean was created.
"I will call you Beanis, my son." Said Phlumptus. "Okay dad!" Said the bean.
And so beanis entered in the sexy bean competition and won. At his acceptance speech he condemned the entire town for voting for him, as he was born yesterday, making him too young to be sexy bean.
Beanis then left the town to form a special anti-sexy task force called the volcel police, and he committed his life to arresting creeps and horny people everywhere.
Then he farted and died
The End
A cautionary tale for the ages