WomensStuff

To start, I want to mention that I am trying to keep my post feminism related and not politics related. Sometimes it's hard to separate the two, but I know that there is a no politics rule, and I am trying to respect that while still having a discussion that is currently heavily steeped in politics, but just have it from a feminist perspective and not a political one. If this post either crosses the line, or does not fit here, please feel free to remove it. 

Below is a description of one of the ads. Some ads are different and in my opinion less pointed though also not great imho (the boob one), but I think this is the one that most people take the most issue with: The video pans up her body as she is laying down buttoning jeans while saying "Genes are passed down from parents to offspring, often determining traits like hair color, personality and even eye color. My jeans are blue." The ad ends with "Sydney Sweeney has great jeans."

Admittedly, if I saw this ad apropos of nothing, I would think it was incredibly tone deaf, but I don't think that I would take to the Internet about it. It's part of the discourse now, so I might as well.

My take in general is that women were and still are sexualized and I will not fault them for profiting off that, but this isn't just about her being attractive, it's explicitly referring to her genetic makeup and how great it is. At a time when women are being stripped of their rights (I think feminism is pro choice so I hope that's not coming across as political) and being told they have forgotten their place, talking about people in terms of their genetics feels like a dog whistle harkening back to a time and place where women were viewed as broodmares for men with "superior genes". Do I think she's a racist or is that AE is filled with racists? Potentially not, but I think this is an overall indicator of the current culture and its backlash against badly positivity and inclusivity.

I'm going to date myself, but I remember when aerie (a brand under American eagle) refused to photoshop its ads. This feels silly to type out and like something an anti feminist would make up to make fun of someone for, but I remember stopping and staring in front of one of their ads. I'd not seen someone with my features so naturally displayed in an ad before. It's making me tear up a little because I remember feeling like I could actually be seen as beautiful despite my "flaw". The girl in the ad was smiling and clearly just so pretty and I thought, if she can be then maybe I can too. It left such a huge impact on me. I won't get further into it, but I have a feeling that no one that looks like me will be featured in this ad campaign. I'm "conventionally attractive" and even I feel this way. If they had released a slew of ads at the same time with different people saying they have great jeans it maybe would be different (all blue jeans because imho it'd be a bad look to have people talk about black jeans though I've seen people suggest that), but this as a stand alone ad is not it.

I was hoping as a society we would be moving towards the whole "content of their character" thing, and to have a clothing ad tell us that personality is determined by genes, a thought that was used to suggest that certain races were culturally inferior, is honestly not where we should be. My feminism is intersectional, and this ad is certainly not. Any further part of this ad campaign, even if it were to include more diversity will be tainted by them having fanned the flames of racism in order to... sell more pants. It's frustrating to realize that they want us to be upset because it keeps them relevant. It feels like they would incite race riots if it'd increase sales and I think that makes them bad jeans.

I actually wear AE jeans and have since aerie didn't photoshop their ads. I will not be buying more. I don't want to support a brand that spends my money advertising like this, so I guess this is also a jean recommendation thread?

Thoughts on Sydney Sweeney in general: I obviously don't know her, and I want to stress that women should feel comfortable and confident in their bodies and with their sexuality, but ever since the selling soap with her bathwater in it stunt, I got bad vibes. This post is already pretty long, but imho selling her bathwater feeds into misogyny. It normalizes "gooner culture" in a way that's insulting to men (this idea that all men are sex crazed to the point of wanting to clean themselves with a woman's dirty bathwater), and degrading to women (this idea that a well known celebrity is willing to fulfill this desire to be so explicitly a sex object - not sex symbol sex object - makes it seem like a thing normal women should want or accept). I think sex work is real work, and people are individuals responsible for their own actions, but part of feminism is understanding where you are in the current hierarchy and using that position to uplift others and influence the culture. This does not seem to uplift men out of the "men are base sexual creatures" stereotype or uplift women out of the "here to serve your desires" stereotype. It's not her job to be feminist but she could use her job to be a vocal feminist and she has not done so, if anything she is working against feminist causes.

Life can be hard, so let's take a moment to look at what makes us happy to be alive. Is it your child laughing? Your job or friends? Large tub of ice cream?

Everyone does it in a different way, how do you do it?

Another week smashed, well done everyone! Today's game is simple, poster 1 posts a word below and poster 2 says an associated word. Either reply to one of the comment threads or start your own.

We are a women's only community, so please no male comments.

Edit: thanks all for reporting the hostile remarks! You really are an amazing group of people. Really appreciate how positive so many men have been as well. I see you all and value you ❤️

So, most of my bras are bralettes or sport bras. I have some pads that I can insert into them to push my chest a little and kinda give them a good shape, and those also cover my nipples. Unfortunately the pads are falling apart and instead of buying new bras maybe there is something else.

I am looking into getting some t-shirt-bras again. They do a good job for my needs, although they are uncomfortable sometimes. Finding the right size is like winning the lottery.

I am very self conscious about people looking at my chest and thinking weird stuff about it. I don't want anything there to look odd.

However big or small we want to know!

Older video but I really appreciate her perspective on why so many otherwise cute shoes are so awful. It helped me understand why I barely feel wearing some of my favorite heels, but hate nearly every pair I try on in the shop!

If someone tells you to live up to a standard that they themselves do not live up to; they are an asshole and their opinion should be disregarded.

If someone tells you a standard of which they do actively live up to; only then are they qualified to discuss the benefits and costs involved. Then make up your own damn mind if you think it is reasonable for you.

So by default, any man who didn’t transition from being a woman, gets zero say in what I or you as a woman should do with our bodies or our lives.

(To be fair, it goes both ways)

July is disability pride. What's something small people can do to help the disabled people around them?

So fellow girls, I have a question for you? How do I use Eyeliner? I tried several approaches so far and it ended up looking like shit every time, so instead of trying to figure it out myself I just gonna ask you.

EDIT: this in an incredible community! Deep appreciation to everyone below who commented and responded, to LadyButterfly for being instrumental in creating this space, and to everyone who contributes to its safety and support. I'm very touched by the space a group of strangers held for me, thank you all so much, my cup runneth over💞

I understand I could just be going through it, life has been hectic, but I have a small friend group in my immediate area that I've known for about 4 years and recently, I've become increasingly uncomfortable around them.

Two of them are vicious gossips, they love to shit talk everyone in their lives, including each other, without compunction or remorse. They also occasionally engage in shady behavior. Both of them steal from Air BnBs (they'll take a vase or a bottle of room spray etc. nothing of real value, but still...) or try and cheat at things. I never tell them anything personal anymore, I've learned.

The other is making choices in her personal life, which is absolutely her prerogative, however, those choices are having an effect on her two young children. A lot of bringing new partners and people into their lives suddenly and then they disappear again, all on the heels of a recent divorce.

I am not a parent myself, so I feel like I shouldn't really have an opinion, and maybe I'm just being judgemental. For the record, I have zero issue with her having however many partners she wants to have, and under whatever circumstances, provided all parties are consenting. It just bothers me that folks she met online are coming to her house with the girls being there after only 3 or 4 dates....and there's some drinking and smoking weed involved as well.

Again, zero issue with folks who indulge, I'm sober now but I've definitely had my fun in the past and I'm no innocent. I just never got wasted around kids...

The thing is, I feel like an asshole, even just writing it out above. Who the hell am I to judge them? I'm no better than anyone else. But still, I don't trust two of them, and feel like I can't respond to the other one's questions and texts of tinder profiles etc. honestly without deeply offending her.

On the other hand, I can literally feel my pulse race and anxiety tick up when any of them reach out recently. I have a crazy impulse to just focus on my job and partner and break up with all of them. I have other long term friends that I'm very close to, but we live far away from each other. Those friendships are all comfortable and I trust them completely and can always be myself with them. We stay in touch via tech and see each other when we can, maybe once a year.

Am I being crazy? My mother is ill and I've had some grief and loss this year, so there's been some stress. At the same time, I'm eating healthy, sleeping well, exercising, and getting along well with my partner. Also keeping up with hobbies and self-care and climbing the ladder at work so I don't think it's depression.

Am I insufferable? Lay it on me, ladies.

Respect is something we don't get enough of! What makes you feel respected? Any examples of times it's happened?

Original thread: https://startrek.website/post/26548789

Ahoi there. Before we take a dive into music I really dig, I probably should say a few words here. I grew up listening to music nonstop. I smuggled myself backstage to an industrial metal band at the age of 13 - about a hundred miles away from home (that's a fun story for another time... ^^). My musical background goes like this:

Joined my first band at the age of 15 (I'm 38 now), learnt everything about electronic music from my bandmate including programming, playing keyboard / synths, first huge live gig at the age of 17 being the support band at a sold out concert of another band. I kept doing that for a couple of years until my hearing went to shit after playing a concert (of course I did not wear ear protection, because I was feeling young and invincible, who needs that stuff anyway? Old people?)...

I regained some of my hearing over time, but it's still not great. I kept listening to boatloads of music everyday since, went to live gigs whenever I could. I started drumming not too long ago because I can still vibe to it and understand it. The nuances of electronic music? Long gone and in the shitter. But beating stuff with sticks? Hell yes.

I wanted to comment in the other thread about trans musicians more, but I only know 2 other unknown bands from London with trans people playing, and for the life of me, I do not remember the bands' names... Mea culpa!

So, let's get started on cis ladies being awesome as fuck doing music, shall we?

First: Singers / songwriters

K.Flay - Blood in the cut (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2WcOdz96ko) She gives me the chills! Every now and then she jams with Grandson (Peaches is amazing, but check out the good lad Grandson as well, he's such an awesome dude and deserves more credit).

Archive - Hatchet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnwABVxcl3s) This lass can SING! The lyrics are gut wrenching.

Fever Ray - If I had a heart (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBAzlNJonO8) Swedish artist, her song was used for the intro of the tele show Vikings.

Now - and this makes me giggle since I'm a drummer these days:

Jess Bowen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSX7D-dJRBo) A pop drummer, doesn't know Rage against the machine, fucking nails it on the first take.

Domino Santantonio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeuskcJyoBQ) Another pop drummer, doesn't own a double kick pedal, fucking kills Slipknot anyway.

I hope you enjoy that quick list of awesome ladies doing music. There are so many more, but these were the ones coming to mind in a 2 minutes brainstorming process.

Have an amazing day, y'all! :)