Today I Fucked Up

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r/TIFU means Today I Fucked Up.

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876
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Hossammubarakk on 2025-11-12 01:36:03+00:00.


So I (a uni student) was trying to join this four-day event — 1 day of training and 3 days of actual work. I originally reached out to one of the organizers because I really wanted to gain some experience. She told me my resume wasn’t strong enough since this would’ve been my first event. Like… how am I supposed to build a good resume if no one lets me join any events, right?

Anyway, on the first day of training, she suddenly called me and said, “Hey, if you can come, we actually need people — and bring some friends if you can.” So I showed up, did the training, and even brought a couple of my buddies since they were short on people.

The event itself was brutal — 7 AM to 7 PM every day. I worked fine the first day, came the second day, and it was just nonstop tasks. I didn’t even get the chance to sit for hours. During lunchtime, they told me to skip my break because someone important was coming. So I didn’t eat for a while. Two hours later, my team leader finally said I could take a break.

I sat down in a hallway near the event rooms — just in case someone needed help or directions — and the next thing I know, I had dozed off in the chair. It wasn’t even on purpose; I was just dead tired.

Well… apparently, some old man saw me, took a picture of me sleeping, and reported it. Later that evening, I got a message saying I wasn’t allowed to come back for the rest of the event. Basically, I got kicked out for taking a 5-minute accidental nap after two 12-hour shifts.

I get that it’s unprofessional to sleep during work, but it really wasn’t intentional. I was just exhausted and didn’t want to leave my spot in case someone needed help.

TL;DR: Volunteered at a 12-hour-a-day event, accidentally fell asleep during my break, and got kicked out after an old man took a photo of me sleeping.

Edit: Just to be clear, this was a paid job, I wanted to gain experience. I didn’t mean any disrespect, I was just super tired after long hours.

877
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cynoisfineo on 2025-11-11 19:04:05+00:00.


ive been working on a surprise party for my mom. she's been super depressed about her birthday, so i'm just throwing something small and nice together for me and her.

i made cupcakes. black, white, and red icing. after mixing up frosting, i popped a fork i stirred with in my mouth to quickly lick it off to make washing it later easier. after a disgusting taste hit me i remembered i used the fork to scoop black gel food dye into the icing. i quickly realized and spit into a tissue, but it was too late. literally my entire mouth was black/purple. lips, teeth, cheeks, tongue. how the hell do you surprise someone when the evidence has taken over your entire face?

i've been scrubbing for a while. its mostly off of my lips, any more scrubbing and they'll be sore.

to make matters worse, wanna know where my toothbrush is? facewash? literally everything i could use to solve this issue? in her room. where she is. sleeping.

im an idiot.

TL;DR: I dyed my mouth black before a surprise party, revealing the entire thing.

878
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Illustrious_Day138 on 2025-11-11 17:29:57+00:00.


I run a small creative business nothing huge, a few clients mostly remote stuff. Last month i was swamped and decided to bring in some help for design work. posted the gig, got a few solid applicants and hired this one person who seemed super professional.

For the first week everything was great. fast communication, clean work, no red flags. then one of my biggest clients calls me out of nowhere and says, “hey, weird question but is [name] working with you now?”

I said yeah, they’re parttime helping out with design. silence. then she goes, “that’s my ex. please tell me you’re joking.” Turns out they’d broken up a few months ago badly. Like “lawyer-involved, blocked on all platforms” badly and i had just given the ex full access to our shared folders that included her brand files.

I froze. checked the access logs nothing shady but still a massive yikes. i called the new hire, explained the situation, and to their credit, they were polite but way too calm about it. they said, “yeah, i figured that might come up eventually.”

...what do you mean “might come up eventually.”

Anyway, now i’ve got a furious client an exemployee who didn’t technically do anything wrong, and a week’s worth of awkward damage control ahead of me.

tl;dr: hired a great designer, accidentally reignited someone else’s breakup now my business feels like a reality show.

879
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dramatic_Manner9113 on 2025-11-11 10:19:32+00:00.


Today I fucked up and I’m just so lucky it didn’t escalate.

I have a large German shepherd, she’s 37kgs so a BIG one. Shes a sweetheart but I’m always mindful that given her breed some people are scared of her. She’s trained quite well, she has all the basics and some special tricks down pat, we were told early she would never be a police dog but she’s smart and responsive.

She loves going in the car, our front yard is open to the street and our car is parked directly in front of our door (5 metres). I usually go outside, open the car door and then call her out (no leash), she jumps in, I buckle her up and then I go back and lock the front door.

Tonight I didn’t do that, I opened the door and walked out with her next to me unleashed. She ran towards the car, I hear a woman screaming in panic to see a lady with a small dog within a couple of metres of the car. Shes picked up her dog and is running into the street screaming (no cars thankfully). I call my dog back, she runs straight to me, I put her into the car and the woman just loses her shit at me.

Honestly fair, I apologised a million times. She had headphones on so all she saw was this giant dog running towards her, I understand why she instantly thought the worst. Checked her dog was OK (yes, she said it was her that was scared not the dog). I waited with her till she calmed down, took the verbal spray till my husband came out and then she walked away hugging her dog.

I know I fucked up, and this is absolutely my fuck up not my dogs. I just needed to get this off my chest. It happened about an hour ago, I’m honestly waiting for a visit from a husband or the council over the next few days. I don’t even know what else to say other than sorry, lesson learnt.

TLDR I scared the shit out of a person in my neighbourhood by not restraining my dog

880
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Sensitive-Turnip-146 on 2025-11-11 01:51:48+00:00.


Yesterday morning I was running late, stressed, and already on my third cup of coffee. My boss sent me an email asking for a “quick update” on a project, and after replying with the info he needed, I decided to forward it to my friend at work with a sarcastic comment at the top: “If he asks for one more update, I’m going to start sending hourly sanity reports.”

Except I didn’t forward it to my friend, I hit “Reply All.”

Within seconds, my message went out to about 40 people, including my boss, HR, and several managers. I just sat there staring at my screen, hoping the earth would swallow me. I tried recalling the email (which never works), and that only sent everyone another notification, making it worse. A few coworkers started sending “Reply All” memes, and I wanted to evaporate.

Thankfully, my boss has a sense of humor. He replied, “Duly noted. We’ll limit the sanity checks.” Still, I’ve never been more embarrassed at work, and I now triple-check every email before sending.

TL;DR: Tried to forward a sarcastic email about my boss to a friend but hit “Reply All” and sent it to the entire department, including my boss and HR.

881
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SUBLIMEskillz on 2025-11-10 17:52:29+00:00.


Actually happened last night, but it’s within 24 hours.

Sat down to watch the first two episodes of Pluribus last night with my girlfriend. I love BB and BCS and was excited for this and tried to do my best to not see any clips or anything to go in as close to blind as possible. GF has never seen any of Gilligan’s other shows.

We’re watching it and we thought it was odd that there was almost no dialogue. There was sound such as music and sound effects. There was the occasional words spoken, one in an early scene and maybe a few other lines from a character or a voice from a speaker.

We thought it was stylistic to draw you into the atmosphere or to make you focus on other stuff. There is also a timer and I thought it was somehow related. However, there are a few scenes where it seemed like it dragged on too long without dialogue, to the point where I even got a little sleepy.

There is a scene where a character is talking to a tv screen but there is some images on the screen that could be construed as giving you info as to what they are talking about.

We went the entire first episode like this. We made small talk in between episodes starting about when the dialogue would kick in. After the cold open and title, the next scene we figured there would be dialogue. Nope. This bothered me and I started googling, but nothing really mentioned the odd dialogue quirk which seemed like it would be a big stylistic talking point.

I checked to make sure I wasn’t on an odd audio setting in the apple app and then clicked on subtitles. Sure enough there was dialogue we were missing. I felt like an idiot.

Turned out I had an audio setting on my LG TV to try to help with hearing clear voices in movies like blue rays where the spoken audio always seems so quiet compared to the action. Somehow this took out like 95% of the dialogue track. We had to go back and re-watch most of the first episode and had a good laugh.

TL;DR: Watched a new show and didn’t realize we had somehow removed most of the dialogue via a sound option on my TV and didn’t realize it until the start of the 2nd episode.

882
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tab6678 on 2025-11-10 15:08:03+00:00.


This happened 25 years ago, but my brain will always remind me of this event.

I had driven to NYC with my now ex wife and sons. We had tickets to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular show on Saturday. We left the house Friday morning and made the 8 hour drive to our hotel in Manhattan. After checking in, I went to the lobby with my younger son and used the payphones to call the office to check for messages. Pre-smart phone days.

We got to the lobby, went to a payphone, I took out my wallet and calling card, called the office, got up to date and went back upstairs. We watched TV and lights out.

The next morning, I showered and went to get dressed. It was when I put my pants on, I realized my wallet was missing. Panicked, I looked around and under the bed and on the chair. No wallet. You know that awful sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach.

My brain replayed the events of the night before, downstairs, take wallet out, take calling card out of wallet, call the office.....I must have left my wallet on top of the phone.

OK, don't panic, we can cancel the cards, but the Radio City tickets were in my wallet. Shit. Drove all this way and can't see the show. Damn.

I went back downstairs, and the optimistic fool I am, walked over to the phone bank, and was not surprised that there was no wallet atop the phone I used, 14 hours after the fact. I asked the front desk, "Hey, did anyone turn in a wallet?", ignorant of the fact that if someone had indeed found my wallet and given it to the desk, they would have looked at the drivers license, cross checked it with the registered guests and called the room, right?

"Sorry sir, no wallet has been turned in."

OK, now what. I went back upstairs to the room, carded in, and there was my wife, standing by the bed, holding my wallet in one hand, and my pants in the other hand. I looked down, and I was wearing her pants. Almost the same black jeans as mine.

She never let me forget that for the next 7 years, until she cheated and divorced, but that's a story for another sub.

TL;DR: I thought I had lost my wallet but had worn the wrong pants.

883
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No-Yard3980 on 2025-11-10 05:08:02+00:00.


So, living in the Chicago area, I like to order a new set of hoodies/sweat pants every winter. Last time, my fat ass barely fit into what I got (4x hanse brand) because I'm 6'1 400lbs or so.

So this year, I found a plus size company selling on Amazon for a decent price, and ordered from them. I thought to myself, well 4x was a little to small, so ordering 5x big and tall (emphasis on the tall) would be perfect.

I was wrong. Very, very wrong. In retrospect, the big and tall is meant for people 6'7 or taller. I foolishly thought that 6'1 was tall. Nope. My pants when pulled up come just below my damn man boob nipples, and I'm still stepping on the legs. These bastards are at least 5 feet long themselves. And the hoodie? The pockets are at my knees! On the one hand, these clothes are so wildly oversized I'm physically unable to grow into them, but on the other hand, I feel mildly better about my size because holy shit these things went up to 7x.

But on the other there hand I feel like James Randel in these damn pants.

TL;DR: big and tall clothes are REALLY big and tall

884
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Lonely-Discount-2635 on 2025-11-10 14:26:37+00:00.


I'm 29 and have had constant headaches since I was 21. Saw doctors, tried medications, bought ergonomic office equipment, blue light glasses, everything. Every doctor said screen strain or stress.

Last week my girlfriend asked why I was squinting at the TV. I said I wasn't. She insisted I always do.

I tested it. Covered one eye - blurry. Other eye - blurry.

Went to an optician. Need glasses. Badly. Strong prescription.

"When did the headaches start?"

"8 years ago."

"And you never got your eyes checked?"

No. I had perfect vision my whole life so it never occurred to me.

Got glasses three days ago. Headaches completely gone.

8 years of suffering. Hundreds spent on doctors and equipment. All I needed was £80 glasses.

Everyone's laughing at me. "You didn't think to check your EYES?"

No. I did not.

TL;DR: Had headaches for 8 years, tried everything except the obvious solution of getting my eyes checked. Just needed glasses.

885
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Geodrewcifer on 2025-11-10 05:05:30+00:00.


So my mom (59) had arranged to drop off some stuff at my older (30) sister’s house along with my little sister (16) who was going to stay with her for the weekend. We were going to drop her off and a few of my older sister’s things, then move a cabinet out she didn’t want anymore. I guess it wasn’t mentioned that I (23M) was tagging along to help with the heavy lifting.

My mom texted my older sister and said we were an hour away and she texted a thumbs up back. When we got there my mom sent me to go get the cabinet out. I knocked on the door but no one answered and I heard a lot of excited shouting. I should have checked for a doorbell but my family has never had a working doorbell growing up so I didn’t really think about it.

I simply checked to see if the door was unlocked. It was, and I walked in. My older sister, her wife, and about 8 of her friends were in the middle of a smash bros tournament.

I had never been to her place before and there was a really cute dog (Samoyed) in the living room so I said “oh puppy” which startled everyone.

My sister turned around and everyone immediately started yelling at me and said how creepy it was to just walk in. I just kept apologizing and said “I thought you knew we were coming”

AFAIK my older sister and I had a pretty good relationship up until now. We played video games together and talked about shows we both watched. If something funny happened I’d text her about it.

It’s been almost 10 hours. My older sister has blocked my number and removed me on Facebook. She’s told my mom that she’ll have no contact with me going forward. I know there obviously must be something else going on but I really wish I’d have thought to ring the doorbell.

TL;DR— My mom and I went to go help move some stuff in and out of my older sister’s house. My mom texted her our ETA and when we got there I knocked but it seemed like they were busy so instead of ringing the doorbell I let myself in, interrupting her smash tournament and freaking her and her guests out.

886
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Chance-Yak-8852 on 2025-11-10 04:59:08+00:00.


My girlfriend loves thunderstorms, so when one rolled in last night, I thought it’d be cute to surprise her by dancing in the rain. We were on her apartment balcony, sipping wine, and I said, “Let’s make a movie moment.”

So I ran out barefoot into the parking lot, dramatically spinning around like an idiot. She laughed and came down to join me. Everything was going great until I slipped on the soaked pavement and landed flat on my back, perfectly knocking the wind out of myself.

She ran over, panicking, while I just laid there, soaked, wheezing like a dying seal. Then, because of the thunder, one of the car alarms went off, mine. So now I’m on the ground, drenched, gasping for air, while a Honda Civic screams into the night.

I’ve never felt less romantic in my life.

TL;DR: Tried to have a “Notebook” moment, ended up with a concussion and a bruised ego.

887
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/abmbuli on 2025-11-09 23:12:55+00:00.


I bought used Astro A40 headphones from a friend and they worked perfectly fine for a couple of months. Then all of a sudden I could not get my microphone to work. I tried everything I could think of, first thinking Discord was bugged but then I noticed it didn't work when I tried to play with friends either. Each time I wanted to spend time with my online friends I had to use discord on my phone. Which was very inconvenient and frustrating since I couldn't play anything that involved me speaking in-game and it overheated my phone almost every time since I also share data from my phone to the computer. And each time I tried all the settings just begging it would work this time. I figured I had somehow broken the microphone and got very close to just buying a new headset but had to give up the thought with my very limited budget.

Well tonight I was watching an intense game of poker and turning the lump in the cord in my hands when I felt something give. Having previously inspected the lump without noticing any switches or buttons I immediately panicked thinking I had broken the headphones further. But upon closer inspection I noticed that the whole top part of the lump is a switch that can be slid back and forth. The rush of relief I got from realizing I had just unmuted the mic was very intense. So thank fuck for Alan Keating and his insane way of playing poker.

TL;DR: Bought used headphones without realising I had accidentally muted the microphone at some point.

888
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/averkiii on 2025-11-10 01:49:15+00:00.


My tonsils were removed just over a week ago. The recovery has been everything I was warned about: painful, unable to eat anything, and you should take painkillers. I took this seriously, because if you're unlucky, the complications can be nasty.

When it comes to physical pain, painkillers are always my last resort. I only know a few people who pop them like candy. However, I was given a prescription for something much stronger than what I'd used before. I found some "familiar and safe" strong ibuprofen and paracetamol at home, which I thought I'd finish those first.

When the pain got worse, I took some of the over-the-counter drugs which can be found at the pharmacy about every four hours. I assumed it was fine since they're weaker than prescription doses. Apparently, 6 grams of paracetamol a day for several days is double the recommended limit.

I know what you're thinking: "you're an IDIOT, read the instructions! This is surely common knowledge, and if not, Google is your friend." Thanks to my boyfriend, who asked what I was taking and how much. He (and Google) told me to call the poison center, they immediately told me to get to the ER. Blood tests, gastric protection meds, and an antidote for paracetamol was started. Meanwhile, my throat was still bleeding from surgery, which everyone kind of forgot in this hassle.

A big thank you to the ER staff for their wonderful service and for reassuring me that I'm not an idiot, even though this happened. Accidental overdoses of painkillers are actually really common, and the symptoms can appear with a delay. I admit that my brain isn't working at full capacity due to a lack of nutrition and sleep, so my whole body was about to suffer because of my stupidity.

Thankfully my liver and blood tests came back okay, but the doctor said I was lucky I came in when I did. That amount is not far from serious liver damage, which in the worst case can be fatal.

I had no idea before, but now I know, and I hope that someone else will learn from my mistake: ALWAYS read the instructions on medications, and IF you make a mistake, don't be afraid to ask for help. It's easy to accidentally take too much of anything, even if your intentions are good, water, vitamins, and minerals, but especially medications.

TL;DR: Had my tonsils removed, took way too much paracetamol without realizing it, ended up in the ER but survived. Read your medication labels because it can literally save your life.

889
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/IdeaWeary7348 on 2025-11-09 16:09:56+00:00.


I've always been a public speaker, ever since I was a kid. I practically lived on the stage, Hosting, presenting, bla bla - you get the gist of it. This one time, I was asked very impromptly, the night before the event, to give a speech at my school. Obviously, me being me i took the offer and decided to wake up and write the speech the next morning because I have blind optimism and overconfidence.

As I was revising my speech backstage off a sheet of paper. Which by the way, was handwritten because my dumbass wrote it down instead of typing it and printing it like a normal person. And my handwriting is huge, so even like a 100 words could easily fill up almost 3/4th of an A4 paper. A teacher saw how long my script was, and I could tell from my peripheral vision, she was mortified. She came up to me and she goes "You should really shorten it a little" LIKE 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE SPEECH.

Now the number one rule before giving a speech is that you need AT LEAST 30 MINUTES of peace and quiet. Her remark made me completely lose my train of thought. I tried to recall everything and I was able to do it. But as they were announcing my name I realised - I didn't revise how to properly introduce myself. But it was too late

I stand infront of at least 500 people, and with the utmost confidence, I utter the words. "Hello everyone, good morning! My name is good morning" I hear some laughter but it was alright, I laughed and continued on with my speech.

Later that day, my crush at school also came up to and called me good morning, and that's just my name in school now, the teachers caught onto it too. My groupchat with my friends has a sticker of my face as the sun from teletubbies😭

The plus point is - at least my crush spoke to me

TL;DR: One night my school asked me to give a speech last minute, and of course I said yes because I’m overconfident like that. I handwrote it the next morning (terrible idea), and my giant handwriting made it look like a novel. Five minutes before going on, a teacher saw it, panicked, and told me to shorten it - brain officially as useful as a roasted peanut. So I walk up there, smile at 500 people, and proudly say, “Good morning everyone, my name is good morning.”

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PHlLOSOPHlCAL on 2025-11-09 00:37:56+00:00.


I (21/M) live mostly alone, though every now and again my mother stays at this appartment. For whatever reason, there are 4 toothbrushes in the cabinet, and for whatever reason, I couldn't remember whiich is mine. There was a blue one, a green one, and two teal ones. I had a teal one that I took from my boyfriend's place bc after I slept at his I had a dentist appointment, but there were two teal ones, so obviously that didn't help. Somehow I just kinda woke up one day and had 0 recollection which toothbrush was mine! So I was forced to play toothbrush roulette, but I kept forgetting which one I used. I swear I didn't get hit over the head or anything, tho I am on new medication that has memory issues as their side effect - I was stuck in tooth brush purgatory. I couldn't just ask people which one they thought my brush was, and somehow all of them kind of looked used. The only recollection of a toothbrush I had was my bambus-wood-toothbrush, but I knew I had replaced that one with a pack of new ones. I knew I had a toothbrush, but I couldn't figure out which one was mine.

Today, my mom slept over, and I finally just now built up the courage to ask.

My mom uses an electrical toothbrush.

All four are mine.

....

I'm such an idiot.

TL;DR: I forgot which one was my toothbrush, tortured myself mentally for it for a month, turns out their all my toothbrush.

891
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Away_Present_4218 on 2025-11-08 13:21:18+00:00.


Yesterday and today, multiple friends of mine had some bad news.

Friend #1 just heard her sister in law has terminal brain cancer. So i had been listening to her and consoling her all afternoon yesterday.

Friend #2 just heard her ivf proces isn't going as well as they hoped, making chances of pregnancy slim. So offcourse, I've been trying to be there for her as well.

Friend #3 just called today. He just lost his father, so offcourse, I álso wanted to be there for him. But instead of saying "Sorry for your loss. How terrible!", i actually said "Sorry for your loss. How annoying!".

ANNOYING??? I ACTUALLY SAID ANNOYING???? O MY GOD I DID NOT MEAN THAT. I didnt even think it! I backtracked, said i didnt mean it, said i meant to say terrible. He took it well. He just continued his story and i listened without making any more dumb mistakes. But 2 hours later, i am still CRINGING at myself.

"Oh geez so annoying that your dad just died on you." Like, c'mon. Just strike me down right now, thanks.

Tl;dr: i mispoke, and called someone's passing 'annoying' like a frikkin' sociopath.

892
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Major-Cherry4679 on 2025-11-07 10:37:48+00:00.


Well I’m writing this past 4 am because I’m so annoyed with myself and can’t sleep. I went out with a small group of friends for a good friends birthday today. We started with around 12 people and dwindled down to 6 at the last bar, and then 3 at the very end (me, the good friend, and a girl that was in the group who I wasn’t super familiar with). Me and the good friend were invited by the girl to go back to her place afterwards and indulge in a certain substance so we took her up on it. Keep in mind I have no previous knowledge that good friend and the girl have any kind of relationship at all at this point

All of us were getting pretty tired but we were periodically hitting it and talking so I was just enjoying the vibes. It wasn’t until about an hour and a half of what I figured was a good hangout that my friend says something along the lines of “well, it’s time for bed,” says he has to go to the bathroom, and goes inside. My first thought, of course, is “well I’ll wait for him so I can walk him home”. And then after going to the bathroom the two of them walk with me to the door and say good night. I couldn’t tell exactly if they were just super tired or visibly annoyed but either way it was clear that I was quickly being ushered out, which is when the “oh shit” moment happened and I put the pieces together.

You’re telling me I didn’t pick up on any cues after almost TWO HOURS? Right after I left I texted and apologized and told him to just ask me to leave if god forbid something that happens again but Jesus Christ I feel dull. Like yeah looking back on it no shit I overstayed my welcome. I’m not usually someone who struggles to pick up on social cues, and I especially don’t want to become one of those people.

TL;DR- Went and chilled with a good friend and one of his girl-friends at her place after a birthday night out. Didn’t realize that I was third wheeling until I waited to walk him home and he didn’t leave with me. Worst homie ever 🤦‍♂️

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Temporary-Hunter8337 on 2025-11-07 12:45:31+00:00.


So my girlfriend Leah has this cat named Potato. He's a huge orange tabby, like 18 pounds, super chill. I've been dating Leah for about five months and Potato tolerates me but doesn't really like me. He'll sit on her lap but if I try to pet him he just leaves.

Sunday I'm at her apartment in Portland and she's in the shower. Potato's sitting on the back of the couch doing that slow blink thing cats do. I read somewhere that if you slow blink back at cats it's like saying "I love you" in cat language and they'll trust you.

So I'm sitting there slow blinking at this cat. Really committing to it. Holding eye contact, slow dramatic blinks, the whole thing.

Leah comes out of the bathroom in a towel. Sees me intensely staring at her cat, blinking in slow motion. Just. Dead silent. Blinking.

She goes "...what are you doing?"

I panic and say "We're communicating."

She starts laughing so hard she has to sit down. Asks how long I've been doing this. I don't know maybe like five minutes? Felt longer honestly.

Potato jumped off the couch and left the room. Didn't work at all.

But wait, it gets worse.

Later that night we're at dinner with her friends. I don't know these people well, met them maybe twice. Leah tells them the story. They think it's hilarious. One of her friends Maya goes "honestly that's really sweet though, my boyfriend won't even try with my dog."

I'm feeling defensive at this point so I say "I've been doing a lot of research actually. Like did you know cats have a third eyelid?"

Leah looks at me. "Have you been googling cat facts to bond with Potato?"

I have absolutely been googling cat facts to bond with Potato.

Her friends are dying. One guy almost spits out his drink. Maya goes "please tell us more" and she's not even being mean, she's genuinely delighted.

So now Leah's entire friend group knows I've been studying cat behavior like I'm preparing for an exam. She updated her group chat and apparently I'm now "Cat Facts Boyfriend."

This morning Leah texted me an article about cat psychology with the message "for your research."

Potato still doesn't like me.

TL;DR: Tried to bond with girlfriend's cat using slow blink technique, got caught having an intense staring contest with a cat, admitted I've been studying cat facts, now I'm a meme in her friend group.

894
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/I_-AM-ARNAV on 2025-11-07 10:38:44+00:00.


So, I was just trying to “fix” my mosquito killer bat today. Nothing new. I’ve been tinkering with high-voltage, low voltage, literally any electronics stuff for about 10 years. Usually goes fine.

This time, the battery on the bat had gotten weak. It couldn’t kill mosquitoes properly anymore. I figured I’d upgrade it by replacing the old low-capacity lead-acid battery with a Li-ion cell + TP4056 charging module (basically a modern rechargeable setup).

Everything was going great. I opened the casing, removed the screws… and yeah, I was doing all this with the bat resting on my lap (rookie mistake #1).

Now, for context: Mosquito bats have a high-voltage capacitor that stores charge from a step-up circuit (the part that zaps the mosquito when it touches the grid). Even when the bat is “off,” that capacitor can still hold a deadly amount of charge. hundreds of volts!

To be safe (or so I thought), I decided to discharge it manually. I grabbed a metal screwdriver and touched the mesh. Except I didn’t actually hit the terminals. Instead, I accidentally shorted the high-voltage mesh (the positive/“live” layer) while the outer mesh (the grounded layer) was resting on my thigh.

Instantly. ZAP! A full jolt shot from my thigh up to my right middle finger. Not a tiny static shock — a real, sustained shock. Turns out, the power switch was stuck in the “on” position, so it kept discharging until I dropped the bat.

It was over in a second, but wow… that hurt. Lesson learned: Recheck things.

I’m fine now, and I kinda find this funny.

TL;DR:Was going to upgrade batteries on a mosquito bat, but fucked up while discharging the high voltage capacitor.

895
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dependent_Board_378 on 2025-11-07 08:15:21+00:00.


Last night was supposed to be a chill college night. Wings, a few drinks, then back to the dorms. On the walk home my friend vanished. One second she was beside me, the next she wasn’t. I did a few fast laps around campus like a confused Roomba and kept moving until I spotted her: fully asleep inside a landscaping bush. Hair full of leaves. Out cold. I pulled her out, cleaned her up the best I could, and got us home like this was a normal Tuesday.

This morning we realized her keys were missing. I went back at sunrise and checked the same bush. The keys were dangling on a branch like a sad ornament. I grabbed them, went to class, and pretended none of it ever happened.

Lesson learned: stop after the second pitcher, and avoid bushes as sleeping arrangements.

TL;DR: Night out, lost my friend, found her asleep in a campus bush, went back at dawn and her keys were still hanging in the same bush.

896
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/WhatsATrouserSnake on 2025-11-07 05:49:15+00:00.


So this Halloween I decided to go all in.

I had my pirate costume tailored, loaded up with every accessory imaginable - compass, locker key, pirate medallion, stacks of fake gold jewelry, even a hat with a built-in wig. I looked like I’d just stepped off the Black Pearl.

The only shortcut I took was the boots. Couldn’t find decent ones locally, so I ordered a pair online for about $40. They looked amazing… until about twelve hours later.

I was having such a blast that I didn’t notice a thing - dancing, drinking, staggering through a few bars, then on to an after-party. But when I finally kicked those boots off… both my big toes were swollen like grapes. By the next morning, the nails had gone black and started throbbing like they were trying to signal for help.

Fast forward a week: I clipped them short, pressed down to relieve the pressure, got a lovely stream of bloody fluid, and today both nails finally came off completely. Painless, but now my toes look like they’ve been on a shipwreck.

So yeah - the costume was worth it, the pictures were fire, but the price was two toenails.

TL;DR: Went all out on a pirate costume except for the $40 boots. Twelve hours of partying later, my toenails mutinied and jumped ship.

(Gross toe pics in comments - you’ve been warned.)

897
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CuriousCranberry11 on 2025-11-06 17:16:49+00:00.


Just as the title says. I (F25) did not push in the push lock on the bathroom door at work all the way, and someone accidentally walked in on me while I was hunched over the toilet taking a number two. I froze. We just stared at each other in total shock before she slowly backed out of the room and closed the door. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t even say anything. The worst part is that it’s a large, single-stall bathroom with the toilet all the way across from the door, so she got the full, horrifying view of me mid-poop. I wanted to disappear into thin air. And to make things even worse—it was someone who also works there, so now I have to see her again at some point. 😬

TL;DR: I didn’t properly lock the bathroom door at work and got walked in on taking a number 2…

898
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Miserable-Bit-811 on 2025-11-06 06:51:45+00:00.


TIFU — by accidentally triggering the bidet on my friend’s toilet.

I, 26F was hanging out at a friend’s house when I went to use the restroom. It was my first time at her home and I noticed she had a bidet. I have never used one before so decided it wasn’t the right time to try now. I felt much too shy to try it without the privacy of being in my own home.

I sat down and did my business and once I was done I got up.

Simple, right?

The only issue was that my fatass thigh triggered it somehow and it started blasting. I never have imagined a bidet with the force of this bidet. It felt like the scene in Cat in a Hat when they open the door and got launched by the stream of liquid.

So there I am, in my friend’s restroom with my pants around my ankles putting my hands out trying to block the powerful jet of water shooting out from the toilet. It truly felt like something out of a movie. All it needed was the orchestra music and it would’ve been the stuff of legends.

I had to force myself closer to reach the bidet, I felt like I was battling a water bender trying to close the gap between my dignity and a toilet assblaster 3000.

It was the bidet of all bidets. The final boss.

It took me maybe five seconds to figure out how to shut it off.

But atlas—I did it. I defeated the bidet. But I was not unscathed. I was soaked. The room was soaked.

It sprayed me, it sprayed the walls, the floors—what felt like an eternity was only realistically about 20 seconds.

20 seconds of pure—unadulterated horror and humiliation that has forever changed the way I view bidets.

What was once just a curiosity has now converted into a deep-seated horror.

An upside down shower was what that was—and what that was, was terrifying.

After taking an awkward amount of time in the bathroom cleaning up, I went to face my friend, completely soaked.

I explained what happened.

…She replied, “I forgot to warn you about the bidet.”

TL;DR

I fucked up by accidentally turning on a bidet in my friends restroom and soaked myself and her entire bathroom.

Edit:

TIFU by using double-hyphens in a TIFU post and got accused of being AI.

Edit:

I took a screenshot in google doc with the AI detection extension that I got. It shows 100% written by a human. Ya'll are just mean. lol

899
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Training_Station_597 on 2025-11-06 13:06:31+00:00.


this happened two days ago, not today, but I'm still dealing with the fallout.

So I've been trying to get into sourdough baking since like August. Live in this older apartment building in Milwaukee, smallish place, maybe 15 units. I had this starter going that I named Gerald because I'm annoying like that. Was feeding it every day, it was doing great, smelled like tangy yogurt or whatever it's supposed to smell like.

Last week I had to go to Madison for work. Three day trip. I figured Gerald would be fine, people leave their starters all the time. Put him in the fridge before I left on Sunday.

Got back Wednesday afternoon and my apartment smelled weird. Not like bad weird, just like really strong fermentation smell. Opened the fridge and Gerald had like exploded out of the container. There was this crusty overflow all over the shelf and it smelled super vinegary and intense.

I cleaned it up, opened some windows, whatever. Didn't think much of it besides being annoyed I had to start over.

That night around 9pm I'm watching TV and I hear someone pounding on my door. It's my neighbor Ross from downstairs absolutely freaking out saying there's a gas leak. Says the whole stairwell smells like chemicals and he's calling 911.

Before I can explain anything there's fire trucks outside. Full evacuation. Everyone standing on the sidewalk in their pajamas while firefighters go through the building with meters trying to find the leak.

Turns out the smell from my starter had gone into the vents and spread through the whole building. The vinegar fermentation smell was strong enough that multiple people thought it was a gas leak or chemical spill.

Fire chief comes out and asks if anyone has any "fermenting substances" in their unit. I had to admit in front of like 30 neighbors that I'd accidentally fumigated the building with sourdough starter fumes.

Got lectured about food storage. My landlord is pissed because the fire department visit goes on the building record. Ross won't talk to me. The lady in 3B keeps making passive aggressive comments about "some people" being irresponsible whenever she sees me.

I threw Gerald away. RIP buddy, you went out with a bang.

TL;DR: Left my sourdough starter in the fridge during a work trip, it over-fermented and the smell spread through my apartment building's vents, neighbors thought it was a gas leak, fire department evacuated everyone, now I'm the asshole who cried wolf on a building emergency because of bread yeast.

900
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/bus_error on 2025-11-06 11:35:07+00:00.


I make "pour-over" coffee. Today I discovered that if I do all this:

  • place water in the electric kettle
  • get distracted by cat #1
  • fail to press start
  • position the pour-over device (looks like a funnel) over the cup
  • insert the liner
  • grind the beans and place the result into the pour-over device
  • get distracted by cat #2
  • come back and pour the water
  • sit down with Reddit and my cup of alleged coffee

. . . I discovered that the sort-of-light-brownish liquid tastes like . . . like something that you would not want to drink.

Clues that I missed:

  • wrong color
  • no sound from the electric kettle
  • no "mmm, smell the coffee" floating around the kitchen air

I think I need some coffee. Can you come over and press Start for me?

TLDR: forgot to press start on electric kettle. Pour-over coffee sort of worked, tasted poorly.

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