Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/RatherRabbit on 2025-11-23 03:21:08+00:00.

You're probably expecting an attached picture of some horribly damaged hair in some unintended shade, but this mistake didn't even manage to get THAT far before I fucked it up.

When I was younger I had a big problem with compulsive skin picking/hair pulling, mostly on my scalp. It got better and worse with stress, and I was lucky that I never developed the compulsion to eat the hair and have to have a hairball surgically removed as some people do. But it was still severe enough to lead to thin patches in my hair and constant open sores, so both embarrassing and painful.

We tried a lot of things to try and at least cut down on it, from playing with my medication doses to various therapies, which all helped but until my physical health nosedived. Won't tell the whole sob story but I wasn't going to school anymore. I got a teacher to come to my house once a week for an hour and a half. While it wasn't cancer and I wasn't dying, this was the same school schedule they offer to children who they think MIGHT beat their cancer. So on top of being very ill I was also very behind academically, very lonely, and very stressed by my health and the way the adults around me acted.

Then, one of my friends got their hair dyed over the summer. The uniform at my school was very strict, so as a tween I had never even seen someone my age with highlights, let alone a full head of purple hair. I genuinely don't think I'd ever considered it possible. I was OBSESSED and wanted to do it so so badly.

Of course, my hairdresser took one look at the sores on my head and said nope. Bleach does not go near open wounds.

So just like that I had an external reward to work toward, to help break the habit. Something that would normally be completely disallowed but was a special treat specifically for me, no worrying about getting my hair back to it's natural color for class, nothing.

And it kind of worked embarrassingly well.

Fast forward though. I'm an adult now. I'm going through another stressful period of time. I got diagnosed with MASH, I'm trying to sort out getting into the work program so that I can afford college. I'm trying to learn to drive.

So I'm pulling my hair out again, and it's pretty bad. Nothing I usually do is working, until I remember this handy little trick from my childhood.

I get a little bleach and dye kit at CVS. I read the instructions. I apply the bleach.

Now I'm going to try and communicate to you what it feels like to get bleach into an open wound, especially one on a delicate area like your scalp. I strongly recommend that you don't do this, because "very painful" is not an accurate description.

At first it just stings. Fairly normal. If you've ever had lice, you probably have a good point of comparison. It stings because it is a strong chemical, and this is what happens when a strong chemical touches you.

Of course, as you spread the bleach around, you will abruptly find one of these open sores. Even then, for the first few seconds, it's bearable. It sharpens, it makes you wince. You don't remember dying your hair hurting this bad before. But it has been a long time. You tangle your fingers in your hair through the shitty plastic gloves provided and lather the concoction in.

As you do this, you disrupt the fragile, never quite properly formed scab. Bleach mixes with blood and touches new flesh. It's the sharp sting of a biting fly, but larger. It doesn't stop. It's the pinpoint pain of piercing your own ear, except that pain spreads without diluting. It's the dull knife you thought you surely couldn't hurt yourself with.

Finally it's the pain of a cat's fang in your skull. It's something primal, which I know sounds corny. The spreading takes on a different tone, and it brings images of every dramatic zombie bite x-ray scene. The disease spreading through the veins, except it's through every tiny capillary that helps keep the most vital region of your body rich with blood.

For a brief moment you are Australopithecus. You don't see it, you don't hear it. But you feel the air displaced and the fangs of Dinofelis in the back of your skull. Perfectly spaced, cracking your skull open like a walnut to lick out the gelatinous fat inside.

Then you leap into the shower and Suave Two-in-One briefly becomes the touch of a loving god you fear may not exist.

TL;DR: Tried to dye hair. Forgot to make sure I didn't have open wounds on my fucking scalp again. Ow.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/interested-observer5 on 2025-11-22 22:17:33+00:00.

Husband and I got together at 16, currently 40. We've only ever had sex with each other. Until we started trying for our first child, 11 years into our relationship, I had a low drive, and it was an issue.

Then we realised how fun it could be without contraception and things got a lot better.

I've always found him sexy, but this man has aged liked a fine wine. He's smoking hot at this age. Beard, bald head, strong shoulders and arms, unreal. However he still has a mentality that he's not attractive and people wouldn't fancy him. I do, people do, but he laughs when I say it.

We play a lot, and tonight I asked him for a quick play and he refused, because one of the kids is still up wandering around. I laughingly asked if he remembered our teens and he said yes, and I said "and look at you now!" (refusing me). He laughed and said ha, wonder what changed.

And I said "you're just so sexy now" 🫨

Basically implying he wasn't then. I immediately explained, I absolutely found him sexy then, I was just terrified of getting pregnant, hated condoms, bit of performance anxiety. But his body has changed a lot over the years and I'm horrified I made it sound like that.

I immediately apologised, overdid it probably, and I feel awful which I also told him. He laughed at me and said it's fine.

But I feel like shit. What a horrible thing to say/do to the love of my life 😭.

TL:DR. Accidentally implied that my husband is hotter now than early in our relationship, and that my lack of drive then is because he wasn't attractive. Which couldn't be further from the truth. He's fine and laughed at me, but I feel like shit.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok-Literature4548 on 2025-11-22 18:05:39+00:00.

This happened a couple weeks ago and I’m pretty much recovered now, but I guess I wanted to share as a warning in case anyone else ever experiences this.

So to make a long story very short, I keep water by my bed in a glass in case I get thirsty at night. A brown recluse had fallen in right around the time I woke up and needed a drink. I swallowed the thing and of course immediately realized I had swallowed something and my ONLY assumption was a spider, and I knew we had a few brown recluses in the house so I automatically assumed that’s what it was (I ended up being right in the worst way).

Now I knew from past anxiety googling that swallowing a dead spider is nothing to worry about. The venom is protein based and breaks down in the digestive tract. I had assumed that I had swallowed a dead one and just decided to try to go back to sleep after a mini panic attack and more frantic googling.

I woke up maybe two hours later with horrible pain in my stomach, muscle aches and HARD spasms, heat flashes, sweating and drooling profusely. I stumbled to find my partner (we sleep in separate rooms) and was rushed to the ER.

So what happened? Well the original assumption was that it bit me on my esophagus, but after lots of tests it turns out I had a stomach ulcer that I didn’t know about (that’s another long story) and the spider had very much been alive, and the venom had found it way into my bloodstream through the open wound in my stomach.

After a fuuuck ton of antibiotics and other drugs and a week long hospital stay Im mostly back to normal and I’m feeling mostly ok. I still feel achy and have a lot of paranoia about my drinks now.. I won’t be drinking water in the middle of the night anymore thats for sure.

I just wanted to tell this story just in case anyone else has water by their bed at night and to just go to the ER if you think you swallowed something. Just PLEASE be careful.

TLDR; swallowed a live venomous spider that poisoned me via stomach ulcer, got hospitalized for a week and lived to tell the tale.

Editgrammatical errors

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/vajhar on 2025-11-21 16:21:10+00:00.

Not actually today but roughly two years ago my (now) wife and I were finalizing our marriage plans and finally setting a date for the marriage. After some back and forth we figured it would be fun to marry on a Friday the 13th if such a date was available. She has long lived in a house numbered 13 and claimed 13 to be her lucky number, so I thought it to be funny to pick the "cursed" date as our joint lucky day. We wanted to marry in the late summer of 2024 and as luck would have it, the 13th of September happend to be a Friday. She quickly checked her calendar which had nothing marked for that date and asked me, if I knew of any fixed plans for September 13th. Now I didn't use to keep a detailed calendar, and since she already checked for joint plans I couldn't think of anything important happening in the summer and told her it would be free.

Right there was my first mistake: I didn't even pick up a calendar and just checked in my mind for anything happening in September. Which in my mind had to be the seventh month since septa = 7. No I didn't count the months. I just went of my intuition.

But with nothing knowingly planned we confirmed the date, booked the location and caterer and continued planning.

A few weeks later my wife and I were invited to a family getaway with my side of the family. Just a fun weekend in the Belgian countryside hiking and playing games with my family which would be the perfect opportunity to announce our plans and hand out the STDs, which my wife designed herself and was rightfully very proud of. During that design process I again missed the chance to spot my Error, only looking over the cards and praising her choices, not double checking the date because of course my wife wouldn't pick the wrong date.

My family was confused, but slightly amused. Why out of all the available date would we pick this specific one? Guessing the confusion stemming from the odd day selection I explained our reasoning which found acceptance, until my mom had an important detail to add: "Also it's my birthday, so I'm getting a daughter in law as a birthday present."

My wife was rightfully shocked, while I tried to double down, saying my mothers birthday was on 13.09. (Much to the amusement of my family), and learned, that September was indeed the 9th month of our calendar year.

After some further confirmation we established my mother had no problem with putting her birthday in the shadow of our wedding and was happy for us to pick such a special date.

TL;DR: Planning my wedding on September 13th, thinking about 13.07., but my mothers birthday being on 13.09.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Alternative_Wrap1662 on 2025-11-22 06:05:18+00:00.

I’m planning a Mario and Luigi (mostly just Luigi) birthday party for tomorrow, and wanted to go all out with a mushroom themed cake to go with it. I haven’t been getting much sleep recently and when I told my mom about my ideas, she warned me that I’d regret taking on so much and I’d stay up late and just ruin my sleep even more. I called her a fusspot and hung up the phone after some more back and forth teasing. I knew I could prove her wrong so I started making decorations and baking the cakes early in the morning when I had time. The first cake was just finishing when my day was about to get busy (around like 11am), which I thought was perfect timing. I wasn’t really home to bake the other two tiers until about 7:00pm. But that meant I’d be done around 9pm (adding time for cooling in there) and that I was right and I could totally do this, suck it. However, when I went to open the cake mixes I glanced at the back and realized it called for eggs.

I didn’t put any eggs in the first one.

I thought maybe I could ignore that fact and move on with my life, but when I touched the first cake to check it out it was both dense and super crumbly. Which was a problem because it’s the base layer of this whole thing. So I end up making the bottom layer all over again, waiting for them to cool, and putting the cakes in the fridge at around 11:45pm. And now I’m sitting and writing this because I know my mom is right but I will not admit it til at least a week has passed. She will gloat about it (lovingly) for like days.

TL;DR: Mom said making a cake would make me sleepy, I said no then promptly fucked up the cake resulting in me staying up late to remake it.

Edit to break up post body wrote that on Iphone ugh.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/POTUSKNOPE on 2025-11-21 22:30:42+00:00.

Obligatory “not actually today,” but this happened like 6 years ago and I still think about it regularly.

I have a big extended family, many of which are conservative and not very chill with weed use. Now, I’m not a huge weed user, I don’t like to use it during the day and mainly just use it to help me sleep and sometimes to help give me an appetite. Additionally, my extended family is borderline intrusive and because I wasn’t raised around them, sometimes it’s overwhelming to be around them and it helps to take the edge off.

Well, my immediate family (mom, dad, brother, and I) all travelled to visit them for Christmas. I knew I would be staying with my Grandma for the week, so I planned ahead and made brownies. Don’t worry, both my state and the state we were traveling to are legal, so I wasn’t breaking any laws. We drove there because my mom is super attached to her highly neurotic dog and she didn’t want to take her on the plane.

A little background on this dog, Xena. Now Xena didn’t come with this name, she came with the name Lisa, but given her timidness (she is a rescue that was likely abused) we thought maybe naming her something powerful like Xena would help give her some more confidence – boy did it. She’s a scrawny little mix (we think red heeler/Italian greyhound/chihuahua) with no patience, listens like your grandpa that only perks up when you mention dinner, and snaps at you for disturbing her naps – and girl I get it, naps are a fucking sacred territory, but you’re a dog and we got places to go.

Anyway, whole trip is going okay. I ended up driving out of the dry territory of the state to get myself a weed pen because why the fuck did I think edibles were a good idea when I never eat edibles? No one knows or likely cares. I had been keeping the brownies in my backpack zipped up – well away from kids and such…but fucking Xena. I had opened that pocket to grab my toothbrush, left the room for 2 goddamn minutes, and that little sniffy weasel found them and had scarfed the last remaining brownie down leaving behind chewed up foil and zero remorse. She literally raised her lips at me as I frantically grabbed the foil from under her.

I obviously panic. Not only did this 10lb demon inhale a brownie filled with dark chocolate that a famished me would likely take two sittings to consume, but she also ingested at least three nights of weed – in other words – she done ate dog poison.

I quickly decide my shame in bringing weed to a family gathering is nothing compared to the critical nature of what has occurred and I slide my mom away from the family gathering that seems to constantly be taking place and tell her what happened. She’s obviously disappointed and scared, but also trying to deal with the multitudes of family members that seemingly can only resolve their issues by talking directly to her. I tell her I’m on hold with the vet and she nods and then is swiftly whisked away by my aunt to help like whip some buttermilk or something.

At this point I’m nearly in tears, I’m trying to corner the mini-monster into her carrier so I can begin driving to the nearest (over an hour away – it’s a holiday weekend) emergency vet. Eventually Xena succumbs to my herding attempts and burrows herself in the blankets of my bed so I can wrap her up and shove her in the carrier. Right then I finally get connected to a person.

I explain the situation with the anguish of someone admitting they only just realized they are actually patient zero of a worldwide plague. The very sweet vet tech listens to me and then pauses. I wait, closing my eyes, expecting him to tell me I’ve killed my mom’s best friend.

“Well,” he says, “the reason dogs die from chocolate is because it speeds up their heart so much they have a heart attack, and the reason THC kills dogs is because it slows their heart so much it stops, so honestly, it’ll might even out. I think she should be okay. Just keep an eye on her.”

Obviously, this wasn’t enough for me and I had a thousand more questions, but eventually he assuages me into believing his science-based training, and I accept it.

Let me goddamn tell you, never has this dog been a better dog. She sat on my lap the whole day, she was snuggly and friendly, she never once nipped at a kid or another dog, she got so many snacks and pets. Genuinely, she seemed like the chemical brain shit she was experiencing was making her a much happier dog.

So, I fucked up, but it turned out okay. BUT DON’T GIVE YOUR DOGS CHOCOLATE AND WEED. I AM LUCKY I DIDN’T KILL MY MOM’S BEST FRIEND.

TLDR: My mom’s dog ate my weed brownie and I thought she was going to die, but she didn’t.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/THELUCKENING on 2025-11-21 20:19:36+00:00.

I wear very strong prescription glasses and contacts, like lines and coherent shapes cese to exist without my contacts and glasses on. My eyes were getting dry because I was wearing these contacts for too long and I decided I needed to wash them in some cleaning solution and use some eye drops. I go to the bathroom, take my contacts out and fumble around for my contact solution. Little did I know a roommate of mine had cleaned a cut in that bathroom using hydrogen peroxide… and the bottle is nearly identical to an eye drops bottle. So my blind ass didn’t realize what I was doing until I had put drops in both of my eyes. There proceeded to be a lot of cursing and groaning in pain as my eyes began to foam and I now completely blind thrashed around in the bathroom until I got into the bathtub fully clothed and turned the water on to wash my eyes out. TL;DR My roommate left hydrogen peroxide in the bathroom and my blind ass thought they were eye drops

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Otherwise-Sky1387 on 2025-11-21 18:46:23+00:00.

So this morning I stopped for coffee before work, still half asleep and running on pure delusion. While I’m waiting for my drink, I notice a woman next to me holding a very small, very bundled up baby. I’m normally great with kids, (I have three myself) so I decide to be friendly.

I lean over, smile, and say, “Aww, what a cute little potato!”

She stares at me like I’ve just insulted three generations of her family.

So I try to clarify. BIG mistake.

I go: “No! Not like a bad potato. Like a GOOD potato. A adorable potato. Like… a premium one?”

The barista is choking trying not to laugh. The mom is looking at me like I’m describing her child as produce in a USDA inspection.

At this point I’m overheating like a laptop in a blanket, so I grab my coffee to flee. Except…it’s not my coffee. It’s HER coffee. She says, “That’s mine,” in the rudest voice I’ve ever heard.

I apologize, put it back, and in my panic I try to “lighten the mood.” So I say:

“Sorry. I swear I’m not usually this weird.”

Why did I say that. Why did I bring attention to the weirdness. Why am I alive.

The barista finally calls my drink loudly, like she’s announcing a fugitive and I waddle out of there clutching it like a shame trophy.

Anyway, somewhere out there is a woman who thinks I compared her baby to a starchy root vegetable and tried to steal her latte

*I called my mom when I got in my car, she calls babies “potatoes” too. Is that not basically all they are at that point?????

TL;DR: Called a stranger’s baby a “cute little potato,” panicked while trying to clarify, accidentally grabbed her coffee, and now a mother thinks I’m a baby insulting coffee thief.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/throwawayandshitt on 2025-11-21 11:43:31+00:00.

I came back from school and slept for about an hour (you know, normal stuff). I then woke up and started reading this romance manga. After a bit, I stood up to get water and switched the tab to some chemistry notes. My mom is really technologically illiterate, so I didn't think she would know how to change tabs, but she did and saw the romance manga. It had a kissing scene, but it wasn't even that bad; it's not hentai or anything, just a fluffy, wholesome romance. But for some reason, she literally will not talk to me now. She's saying that she is disappointed that I'm looking at inappropriate things and that I'm showing my dad's genes or something like that (he cheated on my mom, but I have no clue what that has to do with me reading a manga). She also commented on how she failed to raise me properly. I'm low-key really frustrated with this right now. I mean, we do live in a really religious and traditional society, but I don't know what to do. I'm 16, by the way.

TL;DR: My mom saw my opened tabs and now won't talk to me."

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tlapasaurus-rex on 2025-11-20 15:14:14+00:00.

This happened yesterday. I'm (43m) a licensed architect, and had to meet a contractor, who is a client, at a job site, so there were coordination texts back and forth. At the same time, I was texting a woman I have been "talking" to. We have bonded over our love of pets, and I decided to send her a funny video of one of my cats, who chases my hand to get pets. I was also shirtless, since the video occurred shortly after I woke up, and I'm sending it to a romantic interest, so added bonus. I check a bit later to see if she had replied, and the message wasn't showing, so I assumed there were issues sending the message because I didn't have service, so I waited til I had service again and resent it. I thought nothing of it, until I went to text the client this morning, and to my horror, the video popped up in his text thread. I immediately deleted it (I don't think it deletes on his end), and asked my question, and did not acknowledge the text at all.

TLDR: I sent video of me petting a cat while shirtless to a client.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Props_angel on 2025-11-21 02:58:50+00:00.

Happened on Sunday. I was going for a nice fall (no pun intended) walk and spotted some gloriously vibrant mushrooms popping up through golden orange leaves on the ground. I happily wandered off the path and into the leaves to start taking photos. One large orange mushroom the size of a salad plate, another brilliant red mushroom with cream spots straight out of a fairytale, and then, I saw it.

It was the most glorious mushroom I had ever seen with a deep wine colored cap that brightened into red at the tip with cream veiled lumps scattered across its surface. I walked over to take a few pictures of it but before I could take a single one, I felt my foot begin to slide down the slope as if the leaves beneath it had turned into skis. Panicked because I'd just had a spinal fusion last winter, I ground down with my foot in an effort to break the fall.

Almost immediately a flood of pain erupted with a gunshot crack in my ankle as I eased my upper body into a slide. When I stopped at the bottom of the small slope, my neck was fine but I couldn't lift my ankle off the ground. I ended up dragging myself about 20 feet up the slope where a nice elderly couple found me and I promptly passed out.

Just had the CT scan of my ankle done today. Trimalleolar fracture. Oblique fractures of the tibia and fibula and a vertical intra-articular fracture of the distal tibia which is more consistent with a high energy impact like a motor vehicle accident or fall from a height. I'll be in surgery on Wednesday getting surgical steel implanted into my ankle all because of a stupid mushroom (it was glorious though).

https://imgur.com/a/Cdw2jXM

TLDR: I'm getting steel implanted into my bones to put my tibia and fibula back together again because I tried to take a photo of a beautiful mushroom.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cold_Translator3949 on 2025-11-20 22:37:22+00:00.

This morning I was sitting in the lobby waiting for my food delivery, playing on my phone and minding my business. I guess I sat there long enough, hood up, that my building manager didn’t recognize me and thought I was someone trying to sneak in. Instead of talking to me, he sent a building wide message saying, “Do NOT let the man in the gray hoodie inside until we confirm who he is.”

I only realized I WAS the man in the gray hoodie when my upstairs neighbor came downstairs, looked at me, and went, “Bro is this you?” She showed me the screenshot from the cameras. It was literally me slouched like a depressed NPC waiting for a side quest to begin.

I had to walk up to the manager and explain that I live here and he’s literally cashed my rent checks. He apologized so hard he offered me free laundry credits. So yeah I got security warned about myself.

TL;DR: Sat in my own lobby too long with my hood up > building manager thought I was a suspicious intruder > sent a warning about me > neighbor showed me the screenshot > had to tell everyone I’m not a stranger, just tired.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Low_Tone_4056 on 2025-11-20 22:11:50+00:00.

I (19F) am a college student who lives in my school dorms on campus and i take my school shuttles in order to get to and from my classes. My school shuttle has 2 main shuttles- one that goes around all of campus (Shuttle A), and one that goes off campus for those who live in the off-campus dorms (Shuttle B). Usually, you can tell which is which, Shuttle A is yellow and shuttle B is white, they usually have signs posted anyways to tell which is which too.

I had class earlier this morning and when hopping on the shuttle to get back to my dorm, I got on the yellow shuttle automatically assuming it was my usual shuttle . it, to my immense dismay, was not my shuttle. It wasn't a big deal at first, as soon as i realized the shuttle was going off campus, i chastised myself for a bit for getting on the wrong bus and told myself ill just get off at the next stop. When the driver dropped everyone off at the dorm, i was the only one left on the bus in the very back, out of the driver's sight. Something about me i feel is important is that i am probably the least confrontational person you'll ever meet. when the dude started driving back to the school, the music automatically changed and he turned it up to the MAX. like MAX MAX, it was so loud i could barely hear myself even breathe, like i genuinely don't think the decibels to which the guy turned up to the music to could be legal when driving on the road, but i didn't say anything. the dude was playing that "murder on my mind" song to this volume and started shouting to the song and im not gonna lie there were passing thoughts where i thought he knew i was in the shuttle and that he was gonna drive us into a ditch.

The thing is though, he never turned back onto campus, he started going to the 7-eleven near our campus, which is where the shuttles usually go to go on their BREAKS. DUDE WAS GOING ON HIS BREAK AND I WAS STILL IN THE SHUTTLE.

when he parked, he kind of just sat on his phone for a few minutes before many passing thoughts of "oh god what if it's a 30 minute break. oh god what if it's an HOUR break", so i got up and coughed to get his attention, but the music was too loud, dude couldn't hear me. I coughed a little bit louder, still nothing, so i tap on his shoulder in which he, no joke, let out the loudest scream of "what the fuck" i ever heard in my damn life while his arms flailed a bit. I cannot express in writing how much i felt SO BAD FOR THE GUY. I honestly probably would've done the same thing of blasting my own music if i was in his situation, i didnt want to embarrass the guy or anything so i went "im so sorry, i got on the wrong bus and i was in the back this whole time." He didn't really say anything to me, just turned really really red and let out a tiny "im so sorry" in which he slowly got out of the 7 eleven parking lot and started driving me back to the stop in which i initially got on. in Dead Silence. i still feel so bad, good god, i hope that guy has a good thanksgiving break

TLDR; i got on the wrong shuttle at my college, driver didn't notice i was there and thought he was alone, started blasting "murder on my mind" and took me with him to his 7-eleven break

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Tall_Artist_8863 on 2025-11-20 16:14:50+00:00.

I'm a real estate agent. Been doing this for about three years. Yesterday I had a showing with this client who's been looking for houses for SIX MONTHS. Every house has something wrong. Too many stairs, wrong shade of beige, neighbors car is ugly, I'm not making this up.

After the showing I'm driving back to my office and I'm venting to my coworker via voice memo. This is something we do all the time, just blow off steam about difficult clients. I recorded like a 4 minute rant. Called her exhausting, said she has champagne taste on a beer budget, the whole thing.

Hit send. Except I didn't send it to my coworker Jessica.

I sent it to the client. Jennifer. Same first letter, both J names, right next to each other in my recent contacts.

I realized immediately. Like that sick drop in your stomach when you know you just fucked up but it's too late. I watched the little "delivered" notification pop up and just sat in my car going oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

I tried to unsend it. You can't unsend voice memos in text messages apparently, which I learned the hard way. Then I tried calling her thinking maybe I could explain before she listened to it? She didn't answer.

She texted back 20 minutes later. Just said "I've heard enough. Find yourself a new client." Then she left me a one star review on Zillow mentioning that I called her exhausting and mocked her budget.

My broker called me this morning. Someone forwarded him the review. I had to sit in his office and explain what happened while he just stared at me like I was an idiot.

Now I'm trying to do damage control but there's not much I can do. The review is public. Other agents in my office have seen it. One of them asked if I was the "champagne taste beer budget" guy.

I lost a client and possibly tanked my reputation because I couldn't double check who I was sending a voice memo to.

TL;DR: Sent a 4 minute rant about my difficult client TO my difficult client, lost her as a client and got a public one star review calling me unprofessional.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MiserableSpeed8861 on 2025-11-20 15:38:43+00:00.

Edit: Yes, my dentist is also my uncle. I didn't think it would be important to the story and might have switched to uncle mid way through

Obligatory didn't happen today but two weeks ago. I book an appointment to get a tooth filling.So I arrive at the appoinnted date and wait to get called in. Its important to note that I did no esearch on how the procedure is done or any care for it.

I get called in, walk in and have some small talk with my dentist before gettting to the actual doctor question.Heres the snippet of the important part.

Dentist: Have you gotten any sensitivity on the tooth? Me: No. I actually dont feel any sensitivity. Dentist: Okay. It doesn't look that deep. So, do you know what material you'd prefer or what type of numbing you'd want? Me: Ohh.. material.. any is okay. I honestly dont think I'll need any type of numbing, you said it's not that deep and I dont like injections. Uncle: .….Okay... Are you sure about the numbing? Me: Yeah. Uncle: Okay.

Cue the start of the procedure. Im sitting there thinking to myself why people are scared of dentists. Its super chill Ive never had any bad experience. He starts drilling my tooth Im like yeah I was right no pain.

Dentist: Are you sure you dont want any numbing? Me: "shakes head"

Continues drilling. One second passes two seconds..three seconds. The last thing I hear is him saying actually it looks abit deep then it hits me. The worst pain Ive ever felt in my life. I flinch and pull away. I already have tears in my eyes. I regret everything. I want to cry. Why did I do this to myself.

Dentist: Do you need any numbing? Me: "nods"

He pulls out the biggest injection I've ever seen. I hate injections. After that pain, It feels like a pinch. He gives it a few minutes to set.I get the procedure done. I still feel the lingering pain when he drills my tooth Im honestly half scared half expecting pain.

2 weeks later, Im back at that chair for a check up. The sound of a drill makes me flinch. I have muaic on blast to distract myself. I get it. The whole scared of dentists thing is so real.

TL;DR: Went to a dentist appointment, insisted I don't need any numbing ended up traumatizing myself and getting scared of drills.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MissNovelist-94 on 2025-11-20 01:02:24+00:00.

[Warning] There is talking about bowel movements.

Like the title says, I fucked up by taking a laxative and now I'm regretting that choice.

I (31F) always have had weight issues, but over the last for years I managed to lose around 20kgs by exercising and watching what I eat. I occasionally go to a dietician do discuss how everything is going and if I need to adjust some things here and there. Got an appointment again next Friday.

Last Tuesday we had a teambuilding day with work where, beside some fun activities, we also went to a Korean BBQ. Super delicious, but as you might guess I ate way too much.

Now to the issue... For the last few days/up to a week or so, I noticed my stool getting harder and it was increasingly getting more difficult to go to the bathroom. Paired with the K-BBQ, I somehow found it a good idea to get some laxatives to get the system back on track (empty) and pick it up with food after that (more fibers etc)

That was mistake number 1.... I did not know it would work so strongly.

Mistake number 2 is that the box even said "Take it when you go to bed". I took it just after dinner. "Takes 6-12 hours to kick in", it's currently 2AM where I live and I'm shitting water (all blockages cleared tho)

TL;DR: I fucked up by taking a laxative and not following the instructions on the box.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cmonfiend on 2025-11-19 23:57:19+00:00.

This was actually today. "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morisette came on the radio at work.

I work at a hair salon that while not ~~ultra luxury high end~~ is a very nice place and we have a clientele of all ages, lots of 65+. The standard genre we listen to is more yacht rock-leaning, but are allowed to reasonably play what we like if everyone's happy.

Anyway, there's a big FUCK in this song and I knew that this specific station we had on isn't censored, but it isn't usually really a problem. For some reason I got worried about it when I saw it coming, but no problem, I pulled out my phone, the music is controlled from an app. Just in time I'm able to stop it! "Are you thinking of me when youuuu-". Cut music. I wait a sec and press play again. <---------- fuck up here

So, maybe you realized when I said the music is controlled from an app, but we listen to music through a streaming service. I know you can stream live stations, but this wasn't one. So what I did was... plunge the place into silence, only for the music to restart... right where it left off. "FFFFUCK HER!! CAUSETHELOVETHATYOUGAVETHATWEMADEWASNTABLETO-" Absolutely just drawing wayyyy more attention to that big ol eff than just leaving it alone.

Nobody noticed or said anything anyway and this whole crisis was confined to my head lol.

TLDR tried to stop bad word on radio, made it worse

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/500_Shames on 2025-11-19 22:43:28+00:00.

Obligatory “this actually happened like 3 years ago”.

I hit it off with a girl on a dating app. We went on a date and she seemed legitimately interested in me. The vibes were fantastic. She mentioned enjoying anime and manga, same as I do. When I was at home and we were texting, I recommended some random older manga that I really enjoyed and she asked where she could read it. So I googled around and came across an only mildly sketchy site where one could read it for free. I copied the URL and sent it to her.

She sent me a curt “what the fuck did you just send me?” text and I was baffled. It was a brief loop of “what are you talking about”, “this is fucking disgusting”, “I mean, I guess it’s a little on the darker side, but it’s a horror series, just keep reading”, “why the fuck would you think this was okay to send to me?” And then she unmatched and blocked me. I opened up the link again and it was fine. I had no idea what’d happened.

When I was having lunch with a friend and was venting to him about this, I pulled up the text conversation and clicked the link. I immediately realized what’d happened.

At the time, I had a Pi-Hole set up, a Raspberry Pi that acted as a network-level ad-blocker. When I had originally opened the link while connected to my home network, it just showed all the pages for chapter one and not a single ad. What I did not realize was that the Pi-Hole was holding back an incredible quantity of anime porn advertisements and videos. When later accessing the site on cellular data, I would be greeted with Bulma from Dragonball getting viciously viscerally viscously creampied by Bart Simpson. Closing that ad would show a clip depicting a “actually 1000 year old dragon in a very not 1000 year old girl’s body” doing… things. And some of the ads were even worse, depicting animated things of an even more questionable legal nature. It was sorta impossible to access the underlying site without closing 30 ads first.

It made perfect sense that she would unmatch someone that would send that to her after one date and act like it was fine.

TL;DR: My ad blocker kept me from realizing that the link I was sending to someone I’d go on one date with was filled with horrific hardcore anime porn. She unmatched and blocked me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Glowing_Trash_Panda on 2025-11-19 22:35:55+00:00.

So last night I got drunk & was hungry (& lazy) & I’ve had bites of raw crescent roll dough before & everything was fine, so I ate some last night. I put what I didn’t eat in a ziplock & I’m gonna turn that into dumplings later. Well I got to wake up this morning to the most excruciating stomach pains I’ve ever had, even worse than my period cramps that will sometimes drop me to the floor. AND IT JUST HAS NOT STOPPED ALL DAY LONG!

I feel like I wanna die. I keep burping & everytime I think the pain is finally over, a couple minutes later it starts back up again. It’s mainly in the epigastric area & as a former paramedic I was worried I was having an inferior MI at first cuz the pain was so bad & I could barely breathe. Then I remembered what I ate last night. I figured I would just fight through it & it would go away after a few hours but no, it’s 4pm now & I thought it was done but after I tried taking a sip of water that set off the pain again.

Tl;dr- For the love of whatever you find holy, don’t eat raw crescent dough- especially like a quarter of the tube of it.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Odd-Occasion-3528 on 2025-11-19 16:03:44+00:00.

I'm only now realizing how fucked I actually am.

I'm a freelance translator, mostly Spanish to English for various companies. Last week I had two projects from pharmaceutical companies, both translating clinical trial documents. Company A is a big name, Company B is smaller.

I'm working on both, keeping them in separate folders. Very organized. Company A's file labeled CompanyA_Clinical_Nov.docx and Company B's is CompanyB_Clinical_Nov.docx.

Finished Company A's translation Tuesday morning. Had my coffee, did a final proofread, went to email it. Attached the document, wrote a professional email, hit send.

Except I attached Company B's file. To Company A. A document with confidential information about Company B's drug trials that Company A definitely shouldn't have.

Didn't realize until Wednesday when Company B asked for their translation. I went to send it and the file was still in the folder. That's when it hit me - if Company B's file is here, what did I send to Company A?

Checked my sent folder and felt my soul leave my body.

I immediately emailed Company A asking them to delete it without reading, that I sent the wrong file. Got an out-of-office reply. The manager's on holiday until next week.

So now somewhere in Company A's inbox is Company B's confidential document that I translated and sent them. Can't recall it. Can't confirm if anyone read it.

Company B doesn't know. Company A doesn't know I know. I'm just waiting for the shitstorm.

I've probably violated like fifteen NDAs and might've given Company A competitive intelligence worth millions. My career might be over. Can't sleep.

TL;DR: Mixed up files and sent Company A their competitor's confidential drug trial translation, potentially violating NDAs and creating a legal nightmare that I can't fix until someone gets back from holiday.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/rachel71701 on 2025-11-19 15:01:20+00:00.

I fell down a flight of stairs at my work a couple weeks ago. I didn’t want to go to the hospital, I told them I’d just go to an urgent care after work. Nobody listened, and I got sent in an ambulance. (This is in America, so… money).

A few days later, I got an email from the hospital about worker’s compensation. Turns out I had 2 weeks to fill out the form or I’d be charged for my visit. But I had a concussion when I got the email, and I couldn’t remember if it was real. I went back in my email to find it and couldn’t, so I figured I imagined it.

I just got the $3,000 hospital bill. Is there any way I can still get workers comp to cover it, or am I screwed out of $3,000 for falling at work?

Edit: I was not diagnosed with the concussion at the hospital, because I didn’t remember hitting my head. I told my symptoms to my PCP the week after when I followed up with her and she said “yeah, that was definitely a concussion”. The nurse I saw the day after my fall (not at the hospital, follow-up at my work with in-house nurse) ignored the symptoms and wouldn’t acknowledge the concussion.

TL;DR: I fell down a flight of stairs and it cost me $3k

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Due-Syrup-7645 on 2025-11-19 03:48:11+00:00.

Yesterday I came home from work, walked to the spot where I always park, and my car was GONE. Completely vanished. No glass, no signs of towing, just gone.

I panic, call the police, file a report, the whole nine yards. I spent the entire night imagining some joyrider living their Fast & Furious dream with my 2012 beige Corolla.

This morning an officer calls me saying they found it. Relief. Pure joy. Until he clarifies where they found it.

It was parked three buildings down. In a completely legal spot. Keys still in my coat pocket. Nothing wrong. Just sitting there like a loyal dog waiting for me to get my shit together.

Here’s the kicker: the officer straight-up asked me if I had been “under the influence of anything stronger than stress.” No sir, just profound stupidity.

Now I have to go retrieve my own car while a cop watches me like I’m a toddler who wandered out of the yard.

TL;DR: Thought my car was stolen, filed police report, turns out I just forgot where I parked. Police physically witnessed my walk of shame.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/wooltopower on 2025-11-19 01:43:16+00:00.

So earlier tonight I was eating a delicious roll with my dinner, and I thought it would be nice to put some butter and sprinkle some za’atar on top! If you haven’t had it before, it’s like a blend of herbs and sesame seeds, it’s a little tart and herby. Delicious on a roll with butter/olive oil.

I go pull it out from the pantry, and note that it’s been a while since I last used it. I pop it open, spread a generous slab of butter on my roll and sprinkle some on top. Then I sit down with my roll, and go back to scrolling on my phone as I start munching.

As I’m sitting there, a couple bites in, suddenly something catches my eye…. Some movement. Something. Something moving in the za’atar. I watch with growing horror as what must be hundreds of tiny little mites move slowly across the zaatar.

I stare for a couple seconds, frozen, and slowly look at my roll. Now, luckily, I seem to have avoided sprinkling pure bugs on my roll since I don’t see anything moving. But keep in mind, this is several bites in, and there was butter involved too. So… I definitely ate bugs.

Like, several many tiny little bugs. On butter, on my roll, so many bugs, chewing them up and eating them and I ate bugs.

TLDR; Didn’t look close enough at old spice mix before putting it on my food, ate half before noticing.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Naomeri on 2025-11-19 00:20:49+00:00.

Here’s an actual TIFU—I just got home 20 minutes ago and I’m feeling like just about the biggest idiot on the planet at the moment.

My office building has a little gym, with little locker rooms for each gender. Both the gym and the locker room require your gym keycard, and your keycard only opens the locker room for the gender you registered as.

After work today, I went up there, planning to run on the treadmill for a bit. I got into the gym, got into the locker room, and got all changed. The lockers are tiny cubes, so my street shoes and work clothes went in one cube, which I don’t bother locking because I’m not worried about people stealing dirty clothes.

My tiny gym bag and more important miscellany went into another cube and I popped my padlock on it and was about to step out the door when I realized I didn’t have my gym card on me, and it wasn’t on the counter either. My padlock key is attached to my gym card. Both are now locked in my locker.

I have a spare key for the padlock in my car. The problem with that is my car key is still in my backpack in my cubicle. My cubicle is inside my secure office. My office keycard is clipped to my gym bag, inside the now-locked locker. And even if I had my car key on me, I’d have to leave both the locker room and the gym in order to get to my car, with no way to get back to the locked locker because the only other person in the gym is a dude, and I’ve never even seen another woman using the gym, so it’s unlikely someone would be able to let me back into the locker room.

Luckily, it wasn’t 5pm yet, and my coworker leaves at 5 (she takes an hour for lunch, while I take a half hour) and I know which door she’s parked outside, so I make the choice to gather my clothes and street shoes, abandoned my locked locker and try to catch her before she leaves the building so she can let me back into the office so I can at least get my backpack and go home.

Tomorrow, I’ll have to ask the office manager/receptionist to let me into the gym and locker room, and in the meantime, hope that they aren’t super strict about the “no overnight padlocks” rule.

TL;DR: I locked all my access cards and my padlock key into my gym locker; consequences TBD

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BulbazorTheLeafyFrog on 2025-11-18 06:24:48+00:00.

I am a new player (23M) to this group at our local gamestore, and I think 3 people are the OG of the group, including the GM(25F), and the other 2 recently joined as well.

Anyways, I introduced my character who is a Fighter who is looking for vengeance for the murder of his family, the game goes on for six or so sessions when a female NPC was introduced by the GM and we hit it off together, we made a sort of romance arc where my Fighter becomes distracted from his mission, then at the end, he remembers he had a mission to kill the BBEG who was responsible for the death of his husband and child.

When I revealed that part of the background, there was some sort of silence among everyone. The GM made an uncomfortable chuckle and moved on.

After that game night, she talked to me in my dms that I should have told her my character had a husband so she would've made a flirty Male NPC for my arc instead so I would feel more comfortable (she probably thought I was gay cuz my character had a husband).

I told her that a female NPC was fine cuz im straight irl anyway, and my character is bi.

Still, she told me it was disrespectful to make my character bi all of a sudden. Then the "burying the gays" trope. Then after confirming to her I'm straight, playing a bi character was apprently insensitive cuz I don't get their overall vibe or whats it like to be bi.

I was just speechless cuz Im pretty sure bisexuals also love women (can any bi people confirm this with me lol) and our arc/roleplay was beautifully written.

So I don't really understand where she is coming from.

As far as I know I didn't do anything offensive?. But I could be wrong, and maybe playing as a different sexuality was a mistake on my part?.

I'm definitely not in the group anymore, but we'll see next week.

TL;DR: Straight guy plays a bisexual D&D character. Was told I was insensitive for the sudden reveal of my character having a husband after the GM made a female NPC flirt with my PC. Now I am probably not invited in the group.