Today I Fucked Up

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r/TIFU means Today I Fucked Up.

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This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Commercial_Reveal_25 on 2025-11-27 07:34:38+00:00.


So this happened today and I’m thinking my teammates are judging me.

I was in a call with my teammates for a training and we were all just on a break then. My boyfriend called me at the same time, and since the meeting was in one ear and he was in the other, I figured I could multitask.

I was confident that I had my mic muted while I was speaking to my boyfriend the whole time. My boyfriend asked, “Did you eat already?” And I, being the disgustingly in love gremlin that I am, replied in my full baby talk voice: “Nooo, I’m hungweee. Feed meee.”

Then I heard a teammate asking me something so when I was gonna switch tabs, I froze in horror… I was NOT on mute. Like… imagine them hearing me talk in a tiny baby voice that will make other people cringe if they hear it. 😭😭

My soul immediately took the nearest exit out of my body. They might look like they didn’t hear me talking that way and pretend it never happened to save some of my dignity I guess.. 😭

TL;DR: I was in a team meeting and didn’t realize I wasn’t on mute when I was in a baby talking with my boyfriend.

802
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/mrh83092 on 2025-11-27 00:54:42+00:00.


I am a 33F who has been divorced for about 5 years and single for a decent chunk of that time (not for lack of trying). I date but just have not found my “person”.

Apparently my father is concerned about my love life or lack thereof because he spontaneously offered to pay for a month of a dating app for me before I’m supposed to spend Thanksgiving with him and my step mom.

They’ve been sending me texts all week leading up to the holiday telling me I can bring anyone I want, and asking repeatedly if I am bringing anyone with me for the holiday. Each time I respond that it’s just going to be me, myself and I.

It’s funny but it’s not. Thanks, pops.

TL;DR I have been single for so long that my own dad is concerned and wants to pay for a dating app for me.

803
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ManNectar69 on 2025-11-27 00:49:40+00:00.


I used to work with a girl about 2 years ago now and last week we started talking again. Turns out after two years we ended up working at the same dealership together without even knowing it.

It started small with just some talking and a coffee run for her while she was at work. But today I wanted to get her a little thanksgiving gift (because I have no one to celebrate it with this year) because I wanted to do something nice for someone. I walk into the building and she isn’t at her desk. So I asked someone if they could deliver it for me, the guy said no problem and I started to leave.

Before I could get fully out the door he called me back and asked if it was a “I like you” kind of gift. My immediate thought when asked this was “oh no she probably already has a boyfriend and I’m wasting my time” I said “yeah sorta”

I was then immediately informed that he was the manager of this building and that employee fraternization is a fireable offense with no leeway, the rule was changed this year. He told me to re read the employee handbook so that something like this doesn’t happen again and handed me back the gift. I pleaded that she doesn’t get in trouble for my mistake and he said not to worry about it.

So now we will see if I have a job still come Monday.

TL;DR I got a gift for a girl at my work for thanksgiving and quickly found out I might lose my job because of it.

804
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/poppingbobaaa on 2025-11-26 12:19:09+00:00.


I just want to play games with my boyfriend. But the caveat is that I am not at the same caliber as he is with games so there’s a skill difference. Yeah, I suck, time to get good, whatever.

Today, just an hour ago, we finished playing Apex (wildcard, not even ranked…) and boyfriend was just…done. Complete silent treatment. He just walked away. Then he cane back and said unless he’s streaming, we are not playing games together because he’ll just get mad at me and if he’s streaming, he will be able to keep himself in check. That’s just an excuse though; I don’t stream and he won’t stream with me there so…I can read between the lines.

I was never good at shooting games and this honestly hurt a lot. I just wanted to game with him cuz he seems to have so much fun laughing and joking and such with his other friends. But with me, every game he just goes silent and sullen. I’m so sad and honestly, more than a little heartbroken.

TLDR; skill difference between me and bf, we can’t play games together and it makes me sad 😔

Edit: my bf is good to me usually, we are not breaking up, but this has been eye opening. I will try to talk to him. And yes, he is very competitive, he was a former esports player so the skill dif between us is vast. It’s like if Steph Curry’s got a kindergartener on his team and he’s up against the Lakers.

805
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/princess-hardass on 2025-11-26 02:28:31+00:00.


Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/JGEjdHcwlp

Okay so after doing some reading, I'm supposed to take a very fine drip of it on a paintbrush and just lightly swipe the tip on the waist of my jacket and my boots. I shouldn't be gagging from the smell, cause if I'm gagging then to a deer I smell like an orgy with a potency that hits like a freight train. Evidently, all of the rustling I heard in the woods behind the scrub and brush that I couldn't see past were most likely the bucks that I was trying to attract. That probably made all of the bleat and grunt calls I was making really suspicious. I pretty much sabotaged my own hunt by smelling like a deer sex dungeon. Tomorrow I'm going to bring a paintbrush with me and just very carefully dab some onto me. I wear high-top cowboy boots when I hunt to deter snake bites on my lower legs, so there's plenty of room I can paint it on.

TL;DR: I got some doe urine because I needed to mask my scent while hunting. I poured it on my jacket and accidentally splashed it on my gloves, making the smell so overwhelming that every deer in a 40-yard radius wanted nothing to do with me. I now really need to wash my jacket and gloves. I needed to very delicately just trace one line of doe urine on my boots and jacket, and instead went into the woods smelling like a deer orgy.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ucyless on 2025-11-26 00:00:11+00:00.


Obligatory this didn’t happen today, but it took me a hot minute to put the pieces together. To set the scene, you turn onto the road, it starts flat, go down a hill, there’s a sharp turn and my driveway is at the end of the turn. There was a large SUV behind me, and behind him was the cop.

I was driving home one day and turned onto my road. I looked into my rear view and saw red and blue lights, so I pulled over to let him pass. There’s a lot of police activity in my town, and they fly up and down my road all the time. The SUV behind me pulls over, bumper to bumper with me and the cop stops behind him. He starts walking up to the SUV, so in my head I’m like, oh ok. Dude is getting pulled over. So I pull back out and go home. I turn the corner and pull into my driveway.

As I’m getting out of my car, I turn around and the cop goes flying past my driveway, lights on and sirens blaring. The SUV then passes slowly behind him. I thought absolutely nothing of it.

Leading to now. I had an 08 Hyundai Elantra, which had a recall for the rear brake lights (that I found out after selling it). My brake light was ALWAYS out. I replaced it four times in the year I had it. That cop definitely was trying to pull me over. He probably saw me brake to turn into my road, tried to stop me, and the SUV behind me did exactly as I did. Pull over to let him pass. Had he meant to stop the SUV, he wouldn’t have flown by in the time it took me to get home and out of the car.

When I turned the corner, he most definitely didn’t see me turn into my driveway. So little did I know at the time, I succeeded in fleeing a traffic stop. Probably didn’t get my plate either, cause the SUV behind me was blocking it.

I’m an honest person, had I known I was the one being stopped, I would have stopped. But I had just gotten out of work and had brain fog. Sorry officer.

TLDR; A cop lit me up for a burnt-out brake light, I thought he was trying to pass. I pulled over along with the person behind me, then pulled out and turned into my driveway. Cop sped past in pursuit.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/trackunstar on 2025-11-25 17:08:41+00:00.


I (27f) met my dad for the first time in February. Sounds crazy, but he left when I was a baby & I was raised by my grandparents & mom. I had a very happy & wonderful life with them, so I never really thought about it. As a teenager, curiosity kind of struck me and I started looking for information. That’s when the anger started to set in because it became obvious through my research that he chose a life of addiction instead of knowing me. Fast forward to February - I get a call from his now wife explaining who she is & that my dad had been put on hospice care & was asking for me to come because he wanted to speak with me. I toyed with it for a while, then jumped in the car and drove 3 hours to Virginia because it felt like it would be my only opportunity to ask questions & extend forgiveness. We had a great visit - lots of tears and I received an apology I never thought I would. He passed 30 days later. Out of respect I attended the funeral, got to hear stories of him, and decided that after that I could close the chapter and move on as a more healed version of myself.

That was kind of it, until now. I moved into a new house a couple of weeks ago and his wife reached out for my address as she wanted to send me a holiday card - cool. Today, I get home & find a UPS box with a bible in it - apparently my mom gifted it to him when they were married, and it was kind of cool to see notes in it from her & both of my grandparents I was raised by. I reached back into the box and pulled out a small glass jar - I figured it was just a little memento from his wife & boy, was I SO wrong. I unscrewed the lid, and POOF my dad goes flying everywhere. I stood frozen as I watched his ashes flutter to the ground all over my kitchen…and onto the back of my black cat. I’m stunned. Never once did I ask for ashes, and never once did I get asked if I wanted them.

So now I have no idea what do to. I feel so confused, like my brain is in overdrive trying to comprehend what just happened. This is also the first death I’ve ever had in my “immediate” family, but I barely knew him. I feel weird just keeping him in a jar - I don’t even know where to put him.

Any advice would be appreciated & bonus points for morbid humor because that’s the only way I’m coping at the moment.

What the hell.

TL;DR: met my dad once, he died & now I have his ashes floating around my house.

808
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/OkKiwi3544 on 2025-11-25 15:21:09+00:00.


So, this actually happened like a few years ago, but I still think about it every now and then since it completely changed my perspective.

Background: I grew up in a household that's half white and half Korean, and I was exposed to lots of "spicy" food from a young age since our family was very food adventurous. Think growing up regularly eating kimchi, spicy ramen, gochujang, but also salsas, Thai food, Indian food, etc. I know that there's this stereotype that white people can't handle spice. The white half of my family is pretty spice averse, but I always figured it was them being a little dramatic about it and that you can also build up a tolerance to spice as well if you expose yourself to it. A core memory of mine is finding kimchi too spicy when I was young, so my mom would rinse it for me before I ate it. As an adult unrinsed kimchi isn't even really a spicy food for me anymore.

Well, I have a group of close friends from college that I still see regularly. One of them, I'll call her "B", has always been spice averse. Like if we were making a recipe that calls for spicy Italian sausage, she would say something about how she can't handle that much spice and sub it out for regular Italian sausage. I'll admit, that I always kinda thought she was just being dramatic about not being able to handle spicy food. Like, if something had a lot of black pepper she might be like, "ooh that's a little spicy!". Of course the rest of us would look at her in disbelief at this type of statement. Black pepper being spicy?? But she would laugh it off and say something about it being a manageable level of spiciness and that it's fine, but it IS a little spicy though.

On to the story, we're post college and our friend group is trying to meet up again for the first time since we graduated and Covid has concluded. We decide to go stay over at B's place and we'll hang out there for the weekend. While we're there, we're trying to decide where to eat dinner, and a lot of us realize that we're craving Indian food. B, is from a small rural town and she's now living in a larger city. She also grew up in a stereotypical midwestern white family and wasn't exposed to a lot of multicultural foods either. She says, that a friend she works with is Indian and their uncle and aunt just opened up an Indian restaurant that's supposed to be pretty good! We all decide we should eat there then. B then says she's never had Indian food before, and is a little worried about the spice levels since she's heard it can be spicy. We all kind of discuss if we should still eat there or not, and then we decide to go ahead with it since most Indian restaurants will let you adjust spice levels and there are also usually non-spicy food items like naan and samosas. Plus, B thinks it would be fun for her to try Indian food for the first time.

So we get to the restaurant, and everything looks great. The menu has tons of options, and we suggest that B should try Butter Chicken Curry as her first Indian food experience. Our main reasons being that even if it's not the most traditional curry, it's just something that almost everyone enjoys, and more importantly it's also probably one of the least spicy curries you can get. It's like tomatoes, cream, butter, and spices, but it's not necessarily "spicy". So we all place our orders, and we make sure when B orders that we tell the waiter that she can't handle spiciness and if they can make it very mild for her. Our food arrives and we're all digging in. Then, I start to notice that B is just sort of picking at her food after a while. I ask her if she doesn't like it and I offer to let her try my food instead. She said she actually does like it, but that it's just a little bit spicy and that she can manage. She eats a few more bites, but then she's like "actually guys, I can't handle this. It's way too spicy!". At this point I notice. B is literally sweating. Her face is also getting red and it looks like she rubbed a spicy chili pepper directly on her lips as they're starting to get red from contact with the curry. At this point all of us are concerned by her reaction to the spiciness. So I'm thinking they must've given her the medium or hot level of spiciness curry by accident. I offer to try her curry for her to see. I taste it, and it's literally the most mellow creamy and sweet flavor. I detect ZERO spice. I'm like, "Am I crazy??", and I get everyone else at the table to taste it. Everyone else is like, "yeah, this is just a really mild butter chicken. Not spicy at all". The thing is though, I can literally see her having this reaction to the spicy food. The sweating, red face, red lips. I've felt that way too with spicy food. She ended up having to stop eating and she nibbled on some naan instead, and we got her a cheeseburger when we left. Anyways, just a crazy experience. I actually thought that people were just being a little dramatic when they said that mild foods were spicy, but I've literally witnessed my friend have a serious spicy reaction to something like this now. I guess I've developed a new respect for people that can't handle spice. They're just living in real spicy world and having to dodge spicy obstacles all the time.

TLDR; I always thought people fear mongered spiciness. My friend can't handle spicy food. I get her to try mild butter chicken curry. She get spicy sweats and red burning lips from eating it. Now, I know I was wrong and that people aren't just being babies. I feel bad.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/avaslash on 2025-11-25 14:59:52+00:00.


This happened last year but long story short I almost died.

It started slowly, with me frequently missing breakfast because of stress, depression, and ADHD. I would get stomach cramps and blow it off. Sometimes I'd get dry heaving but ignore it. Eventually this developed into every morning I would painfully vomit for about 10-30 minutes, usually getting nothing except a little bile and maybe some blood from my agitated esophagus.

I just figured it was bad hunger pangs because sometimes if I ate something before the nausea set in (if it already set in then eating made it worse) it would seem to prevent or delay the onset until later in the day.

I ignored this for over a year and a half. Finally my insurance provider required me to go to my annual physical which was mostly normal except for when leaving I mentioned to the doctor "oh by the way ive been vomiting every morning what do you think thats about?" And she was extremely concerned. She got me blood tests immediately and it turns out my Lipase levels were extremely high. She ordered me to the emergency room THAT DAY and I spent 4 days in the hospital with acute pancreatitis (which is a life threatening disease). I honestly don't know how I managed to stay alive with it that long but I'm grateful we caught it as it could have gotten far worse.

They later on ended up removing my Gal Bladder and finding stones that didn't show on the MRI's so that was a likely cause.

Still, Note to future self and others: Throwing up every day is not normal and you should probably look into that.


TL;DR : Vomited every day for over a year. Ignored it until my annual check up. Found out I had Pancreatitis and almost died.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/slightydamp_clothes on 2025-11-25 12:10:05+00:00.


Background: I get incredibly painful symptoms of reflux and over the past ten years I have undergone multiple tests including three gastroscopies, a barium swallow, and a manometry & 24 hours pH study (a test where I needed to have two tubes shoved down my nose into my stomach fully awake). I frequently need to go home early from things due to the severity of symptoms. It has been pretty isolating.

A few months ago I was at a friend's house and we were discussing people who claim they never fart and how absurd this sounds. I told her and her husband that I never burp, which they pointed out would be terribly painful. I decided to google it. This is a thing, but it is a medical condition, and every single one of my symptoms was listed as a symptom of this condition. Went to an ENT with my new found information, turns out I do have the condition, R-CPD. Relatively easy to fix with Botox. It had never occured to me that I was physically unable to burp. I just always thought it was a bit of a quirk that I didn't. Thousands of dollars and many uncomfortable tests for seemingly nothing.

TL;DR: Didn't realise I couldn't burp. Turns out it's a medical condition that matched my life-limiting symptoms perfectly.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/McBeastBro on 2025-11-25 11:37:57+00:00.


So, my teeth aren’t straight, but they’re not bad enough that I ever felt it was worth spending the money to fix them.

That said, I always struggle with certain foods — tomatoes on a burger, onions on a sub, even buttered or slippery stuff like deep-fried pickles. I honestly figured this was normal and that everyone had the same issue, not just me.

Then the other day, my 4-year-old was eating a Fruit2Go, and he just bit right through it and pulled off a piece. I was impressed… and also confused. How can he do that so easily when I can’t? That’s when it hit me: not everyone has this problem. It’s a me problem.

For 38 years, I just assumed everyone struggled with foods like this. Meanwhile, my dentist never once mentioned that my overbite might be the reason I can’t bite things normally.

So next time you see someone wrestling with a vegetable on a sandwich, say hello — I don’t bite… literally.

TL;DR: I thought everyone struggled to bite certain foods, but after seeing my 4-year-old easily bite through things I can’t, I realized my overbite has been the problem all along. And no dentist ever mentioned it.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/whirlingbervish on 2025-11-25 04:28:34+00:00.


My 5 year old is a voracious reader and I feel so grateful that she just kind of figured out how to read with basically no learning curve. (End humble brag.) She reads a lot of series chapter books but this weekend at the library I thought, lets venture more into the nonfiction, as she's been interested in random facts about animals and the human body and such.

I saw a Ripley's book and thought that would be a real treasure trove of weird facts. Which it is! What I didn't realize is how filled with creepy old pictures it would be...like charred human limbs and people buried alive creepy. And calling it nonfiction is a bit of a stretch.

Anyway, I took it away after glimpsing a couple pages, but the damage was done. Queue a long night of nightmares and tears.

TL;DR I let my kid read Ripley's Believe it or not and possibly traumatized her. I might hold off on introducing the Guinness Book of World Records just to be safe.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Specific-Nebula9665 on 2025-11-25 02:23:33+00:00.


Ever since I was a kid, it took me ages to get out of bed. The sunlight coming through the window seemed so bright, I couldnt even open my eyes past a squint. It took maybe 20-30 minutes of blinking, squinting, and sometimes fumbling around with my eyes closed before I was "fully awake".

My mother told me that it just took a while to get used to the light in the morning, and that it took a bit to fully wake up. I planned every morning around 20 minutes of blinking, squinting, and trying to not go back to sleep.

I am 27 years old, so this has just been a fact of life for me. I set a second alarm about an hour before I have to actually get up, so I have plenty of time to "wake up", and possibly fall back asleep for a bit. I have a toddler now, and he sleeps terribly, so mornings have been rough for me.

One morning I took a picture of myself with my squinty, lopsided (because one side was able to open a bit more) eyes, to show a friend how exhausted I looked first thing in the morning.

She asked me why my eyes were like that, and I told her I hadn't gotten used to the light. She was even more confused.

I asked some friends and did some googling. It was not normal, most people... Just open their eyes in the morning. A friend suggested that maybe I slept with my eyes open, and while I wasn't sure about that, I noticed that my son did sleep with his eyes cracked, so it stood to reason that I did too.

I bought nighttime eye gel and eye drops for the morning, and used them for the first time last night/today. Sure enough, I woke up with my eyes a bit sensitive and hard to open (less than usual, thanks to the gel). I reached for the drops, put them in... and opened my eyes immediately. It was like I had been up for an hour. The light didnt bother me, my eyes were wide open, and I felt wide awake. My entire life, I had thought it was normal, but I cured myself of a daily inconvenience by spending $20. Now I am trying to convince my mom to try the drops, too, lmao.

TL;DR: TIFU by thinking that the symptoms of me sleeping with my eyes cracked was just part of life.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok_East9198 on 2025-11-25 01:53:53+00:00.


Sorry for formatting issues I’m typing this on my phone. I (23 f) work as a part time zookeeper at an Australian zoo. This zoo is pretty popular in my area and we frequently have school and other groups attend. Now for some back ground I’m on some medication that makes me sensitive to the heat, and makes me loose my appetite. So it’s the middle of the day 38 degrees Celsius I haven’t eaten since the night before, my colleague is doing a koala show and I’m making sure to hose down some of the animals around her to get them to cool down while the kids and visitors are all distracted. BIG MISTAKE. All the sudden in the kangaroo paddock I start to get light headed and the next second BOOM I’m on the ground in full view of everyone. I’m surrounded by kangaroos licking sweat off my arms, fallen in shit and scraped the back of my arms, shoulders and back. It gets worse… Who but to run and help me but my work crush let’s call him A, a ripped 34 year old guy who looks like Hugh Jackman in that Nicole kid man movie welcome to Australia or some shit like that. He picks me up I insist I can walk but nope just full on fireman carries me to the sprinkler system for me to cool off. I thank him and he makes comments about how it was no issue, I’m light as a feather and he carries his nieces and nephews through the sprinkler systems when they all play at home like that all the time, fucking great being compared to one of his underage family members. About 5 minutes later I walk to the staff area, everyone’s laughing and making jokes about it (made sure I was okay first) and I got called into the bosses office for some health and safety training relating to hot days and heat exhaustion. So yeah a bit rough. TL;DR Fainted in a kangaroo paddock in front of work crush, very embarrassed, now need to do mandatory training.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SatisfactionAdept548 on 2025-11-24 21:10:16+00:00.


I volunteer at an arts and crafts after-school club, and basically what I do is help kids ages 8–11 with drawing, making crafts, and all the easy kid-art stuff. Let’s call this kid Mina (not her real name). We were making 3D Christmas cards, and after each kid finished, I usually gave them a sticker and a high five.

When it was Mina’s turn to show me her card, I gave her a high five like normal. Mina also takes taekwondo classes, and she wanted to show me one of her moves. I was like, “Sure, okay,” and she did it. I was like, “Omg, great job!” and went in for another high five.

But for some reason, at the exact moment I raised my hand and moved it forward, she also reached out her hand and jumped… and I accidentally slapped her in the face. She started crying, like a lot and I didn't even hit her hard but still I felt SO SO BAD omgggg.

She told her mom when she went outside, and then her mom wanted to talk to me. She had this mad tone and said, “Why did you hit my kid?” I apologized like a hundred times to both Mina and her mom.

The next few days since this art club is only 2 times a week Mina came back, but she didn’t smile at me or say hi like she always does. I felt really bad, and at the end of the class I just gave her extra stickers because I don't know what a normal person would do.

If only I wasn’t so dumb I wouldn't have hit her.

TL;DR: Accidentally slapped a kid's face while she tried to show me a taekwondo move and then I tried giving a high five and hit her face instead. :(

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Subject_Parfait_7496 on 2025-11-24 11:24:47+00:00.


So this happened earlier today, and I'm still dying of embarrassment every time I think about it. I decided to ride my bike to the local park since it was such a beautiful day. The park was pretty crowded with people enjoying the sunshine - families, joggers, dog walkers, you know the scene.

When I arrived, I went to park my bike at the rack near the entrance. I'm not exactly what you'd call an expert cyclist, and I misjudged my braking distance. As I approached the rack, I realized I was coming in too fast but couldn't stop in time.

There was this guy standing near the bike rack, minding his own business, looking at his phone. And yes, you guessed it - I crashed right into him. Not hard enough to knock him over, thank goodness, but definitely enough to make him stumble and drop his phone.

My brain immediately went into apology mode. In my head, I was forming a perfectly reasonable "I'm so sorry!" But what actually came out of my mouth? "SO EASY!" Said with a weird smile on my face too! 😊

The guy looked at me with complete confusion - like, did this person just crash into me and then BRAG about it? For a solid three seconds, we just stared at each other while my brain desperately tried to reboot and fix the situation.

I finally managed to stammer out an actual apology and explain that I meant to say sorry but had a complete brain-to-mouth malfunction. Thank god he had a good sense of humor. After looking at what must have been my absolutely mortified face, he just laughed and said, "Well, at least you're honest about how easy it is to crash into innocent bystanders."

We both checked that his phone was okay (it was), but I spent the rest of my time at the park avoiding that entire section just to be safe. Every time I think about it, I want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

TL;DR: Crashed my bike into a stranger, and instead of apologizing like a normal human, my brain short-circuited and I proudly announced "SO EASY!" to my confused victim.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Queasy-Shine-1172 on 2025-11-24 16:59:06+00:00.


So, a few weeks ago, I went on a road trip.

I’m driving on a highway, going the speed limit, and eventually get to a small town where I stop for a meal. That town is a 30-minute drive from where I live.

I eat a nice steak and decide to get back on the road. I start driving, and I see blue lights behind me. The officer pulls me over for failing to use my turn signal (oops). He asks me for my driver’s license and registration, and I hand them over. He comes back and tells me, “There’s a warrant for your arrest for not showing up to court.” I’m puzzled and ask him what the warrant is for. He says he doesn’t know and that I have to get out of the car. I get out, he handcuffs me, and takes me to the local jail.

I’m not allowed to bond out, as my county (where the warrant is) requires an in-person appearance. I am made to strip naked and change into a jail jumpsuit. They take my mugshot and fingerprints. Since it was a Friday night, I have to spend three nights there. I am held in a cell by myself. There’s only a small window, which is blurred out so I can’t see through it. The toilet and sink are connected into a single metal construction. There’s a small table, a small chair, and a small shelf, all made of metal. During the day, I’m allowed in the common area where there were about 15 women. The meals weren’t that bad.

Monday finally comes, and they shackle me and take me to my county. At the courthouse, I wait in a holding cell for about two hours before it’s my turn. I explain to the judge that I just made a mistake and forgot to pay my speeding ticket. The judge sets a bond, which I pay, and I also take care of the speeding ticket.

TL;DR:

I forgot to pay a speeding ticket, got arrested over it, spent 3 nights in jail until I was released on bond, and then took care of the ticket.

818
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Old-Act-1913 on 2025-11-24 00:44:44+00:00.


So this happened years ago, but it randomly resurfaced because I was watching the documentary “The Era of Disclosure” the other night. They mentioned defense contractors, and suddenly my brain yeeted me straight back to 2017 me, who had zero fear and even less social awareness.

Back then, I went on a date in Melbourne, Florida with a guy who told me he worked as a weapons contractor. He also happened to be Russian. Before the appetizers arrived I chuckled and asked:

“Sooo… do you work for Putin?” 😹

He did not laugh. Not even a polite exhale. He just stared at me like with this cold expression.

And I’m just sitting there cackling thinking I’m so hilarious and the date is going well.

Now, as a married adult rehashing this memory with my husband after watching the documentary The Era of Disclosure that briefly touched on defense contractors ..

Apparently joking about espionage to a Russian man working in the U.S. defense corridor isn’t considered “cute humor” like I thought it was

Anyway, I’m embarrassed, amused, and crying-laughing at my past self. Sitting here laughing breastfeeding my infant cause dam, I’m hilarious in awkward ways

Needless to say, he never called me back and back then I never knew why. I see it clearly now 💀🥲😹

TL;DR: I joked with a Russian weapons defense contractor that he probably is a spy that works for Putin in 2017

819
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Feeling-Leadership83 on 2025-11-24 02:34:23+00:00.


So I (32 F) am recently divorced and two weeks ago I reconect with a “super out of my leage” high scool friend and we have been having spectacular sex. This friend invites me to a bbq in his cousin house and told me that this is his absolute favorite cousin, so I think to myself “I am going to be soooo charming on this thing”.

My stupid brain didn’t register that we have been on a sex marathon and no sleep for two days, so after a couple of beers I was in a state of complete ruin. I really belived that blackouts where a lie for people to don’t take responsability for their accions… I was so wrong.

I can’t remember half of the night (I wake up safe and tuck on my friend’s bed) and my last memory was having a conversation with his barely adult cousin about how God take a good amount of time to create his cousin bc he turn out sooooo hot (It wasn’t even a conversation it was a monologe)

TL;DR: I’m 32 and I can’t handle my booze.

820
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BrokenToyShop on 2025-11-23 22:01:06+00:00.


Obligatory "this happened a week ago" + "posting from mobile"

I work in some interesting places and like the common nosleep trope, I have rules to keep alive. One of those rules - Don't pick up things if you don't know what they are.

A very good rule for not dying alone in an isolated environment.

Living in Australia, there's a lot of things that will end you. Snakes and spiders are the obvious ones, but I've almost never had any real problems with them. It's all the other things that aren't in pop culture that will get you. The subject of this story isn't even isolated to Australia.

Last week, while working on a very remote tropical island, I decided to go do some photography in tide pools late at night, about 2km from camp and phone reception. There was a bit of rough swell hitting the beach so I was seeing a few fish washed onto the rocks. With that in mind, I thought I saw a hermit crab wedged upside down in a crevice with another shell resting on the opening. I picked up the smaller shell, a baby conch I thought.

It was a cone snail. A living, breathing cone snail. Full of rage and violence at being picked up. I only realised when it started whipping it's barb around, brushing against my finger tips. Previously, the cone snails I'd seen in photos looked different, so I wasn't aware that this type of shell could be dangerous.

When asked about first aid, our medic responded only with "ventilator" and a chuckle.

TL;DR: I picked up a potentially lethal sea creature because I was blasé about the environment I was in and my access to medical rescue. And I forgot that being in Australia, everything wants to kill you.

821
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Psychological-Duck13 on 2025-11-23 21:30:14+00:00.


I take thyroid meds. Every morning. 1hr before food. I have done this pretty much perfectly for 8 years.

Tonight I’m staying in a hotel before delivering a presentation at the biggest conference of my professional career. And I’m doing my evening wind down routine… So I grab by pill box, open the left compartment, DOWN THE HATCH.

Fuck. Ive taken tomorrow mornings meds. Instead of tonights. That means I’ve taken these tablets 12 hrs early.

Thyroid hormones are kind of like the master thermostat or gas peddle of the body. Too much or too little turns everything up or down. And I’ve just gone peddle-to-the-metal right when I’m supposed to be getting a good nights sleep! FML.

I’ve called 111 (UK non emergency) and they’ve confirmed that it’s very unlikely anything lethal will happen (hurrah!!) but I feel like such a total fucking SPOON for doing something so silly!

Odds on I’m going to feel rough tonight / tomorrow, when I really need to be at my best and it’s ALL MY FAULT 🙃.

TL;DR took my daily thyroid meds 12 hrs early - totally sabotaging myself before a massive conference presentation. Je suis daft!!

822
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ckalisz on 2025-11-23 19:40:42+00:00.


Last night, my wife was being a bit silly. We were laying in bed watching videos and talking about the day. She reached over into our special box and grabbed a plug. The kind that has a suction cup. It looks like a unicorn horn. She, without hesitation slapped it to her forehead. Hard. We both laughed. Then I tugged on it. Wow, not coming off. More laughter ensued. I slapped it like you a metal door stopper. Again more laughter. It's still holding tight. She can't breathe because she's laughing so hard. Eventually with some pinching of the base we get it off. It's a little red. Seems fine. Wake up this morning and the yelling from the bathroom has started. "OMG OMG my forehead is bruised!" She had to take the daughter to the pool. The other parent asked why she had a bruise on her forehead. She said she hit a wall. My face still hurts. Probably going to buy her some new foundation. I have a picture but this sub won't let me post it.

TL;DR suction cup toy ends in hilarity.

823
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/IveTriedForHours on 2025-11-22 18:04:09+00:00.


When I was a kid, I used to play GTA San Andreas. I had the original Xbox version, but I was playing it on my brother's Xbox 360 because it was one of the titles that magically worked through backward compatibility.

Naturally, my child-brain assumed.. If the 360 can play some Xbox games… then maybe it just doesn’t recognize the others properly.

Let me introduce you to Midnight Club 3 DUB Edition, a game the 360 absolutely refused to run.

So what did I do ? Did I read the compatibility list ? Did I accept reality ? Did I move on with my life ?

No.

I took the disc… grabbed a bottle of white correction liquid (Yes, the thing you use to fix mistakes on paper...) and proceeded to paint the top of the disc white, because Xbox 360 games had that white/grey top surface.

My flawless child logic:

"If it looks like a 360 disc, the 360 will think it is a 360 disc."

Spoiler alert, it did not work. Midnight Club stayed unplayable. And I ended up with a disc that looked like it had survived a snowstorm and a child crime scene.

All of this happened about 15 years ago, when I was around 8 years old. Maybe even younger, I can't quite remember.

TL;DR: As a kid, I tried to make Midnight Club 3 work on my Xbox 360 by painting the top of the disc with white correction liquid so it would look like a real Xbox 360 game. Shockingly, it did not work.

824
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Evmopitdy on 2025-11-23 10:30:24+00:00.


Today I fucked up by answering a question.

"Why dont you talk to me anymore?" "Cause you either dont listen to me or you take it offensively"

My mother took that offensively.

She lunged at me, broke a lamp and cornered me in the process. My sister swooped in and had to put her in a safety hold. Cops were called multiple times, first time they told her to sit in her room for the night, second time they took her to the hospital which she promptly left with a new med and came back to the house, obsessively ringing and banging on the door, nearly giving my 91 year old grandmother a heartattack and she didnt care. For 5 hrs we have been anxious of someone getting a domestic violence charge. Third time the cops come by, less competent than the last two times, she comes in crying and screaming, putting words in my mouth. We are tired, and I am considering a hotel or an early flight home.

Tldr tifu by talking to my mother.

Hope yall have a safer holiday than I do fr. No one was harmed.

825
 
 
This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ilovegh0striley on 2025-11-23 03:46:01+00:00.


Hello Reddit, I am 16F and to summarize I take an American Sign Language class, my teacher was born completely deaf and his hearing aids only do so little to assist him ( His hearing aids are really outdated), I asked him about volunteering for Deaf/HoH spaces, and he gave me a forum to our schools winter dance, it's an angel tree where we picked out kids to get various gifts, mine was pretty simple just some Lego sets I got a job a few days before so I figured my first check I would be able to get the kid what he wanted ( My mom is pretty unrealizable and were struggling ourselves but I still wanted to help) But now it's the 22nd and the dance is December 4th and I still don't have the funds or will be receiving any for a good while. The dance is connected to a club so maybe If I email him the kid will receive another person to get what he wants? I just feel terrible I wasted my teachers time to rely on getting the kid and a gift and I just can't :( , Plus even when I get my check I will still, but right now we are on Thanksgiving break so I'm afraid the kid won't be getting anything, I really fucked up I just wanted to help out and give them a good Christmas.

Tl; DR: I won't be receiving my first check from my new job for a while, so I won't be able to get the kid a gift.

TIFU Update: Ok thanks for the support I'll be creating a amazon Wishlist with some pretty cheap sets and I'll be picking them up from a nearby store also, I'm going to add some photos to my profiles as proof that this is not a scam.

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