Today I Fucked Up

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This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Due-Bid7723 on 2025-12-10 05:57:06+00:00.


So I'm a fan of meteorology and lightning storms, so when I was renovating my Twitter account, I put two lightning strikes next to my username. I thought nothing of it, really. I thought it was cute, if anything. So when I'm swarmed with a dude calling me a Nazi, I was so confused, because I never stood for anything hateful or discriminatory. So then one of my friends, they come up to me and tell me about the lightning strikes in my username, asking me about the bolts. I thought they were talking about literal bolts, like nuts and bolts. And I shook it off until it hit me. I'm looking up "two lightning bolts" and I get results for supremacy and neo-Nazism and my face instantly turns red, I was so fucking embarrassed, I'm still embarrassed. I'm glad someone got my head out of the clouds, because that was so stupid of me.

TL;DR Everyone thought I was a Nazi because I had no idea that my username icons were a hate symbol

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/liberatedhusks on 2025-12-10 00:52:50+00:00.


My poor childhood was filled with the crappy cheap cereal. Puffed wheat was the primary. The last few weeks I’ve been craving it bad for some reason? I don’t know why. I’m an adult I can eat what ever I want for breakfast. I was surprised to find it took a few stores to find one that still sold it so I bought two bags, pleased with myself and had a big bowl the next day.

Not even an hour later my stomach feels off. I’m sick to my stomach, the feeling gets worse. In the span of three hours I’ve thrown up four times. Through out the day my stomach starts to make illegal gurgle noises and HURT. I am baffled. Was it the dinner my sister cooked the other night? No one else is sick.

The next day is agony. I have sour egg burp, my stomach is round and painful to touch. I can’t even walk without whimpering in pain. I’m panting for air, my heart is trying vainly to keep me upright and it’s failing. The horrible gurgle noises inside me are awful. Jostling around like I’m a barrel full of diarrhea. So so much. Non stop. It’s day two and a fever hits. I am very concerned now. The fuck did I do?

I google puffed wheat sore stomach. I feel stupid as fuck. Mind you I eat bread and pasta just fine but apparently from the span of age 13 to 37 I have developed an insane allergic reaction to the pure wheaty goodness. :(

Who wants my second bag? Can I feed it to the birds?

TL;DR: I am allergic to wheat

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/OkPercentage11 on 2025-12-09 14:38:01+00:00.


I buy nuts for Christmas every year which is a tradition my grandmother started before she passed away. I decided to go all out last year and get all the nuts that I remember her having including "chestnuts" well this year at Costco I see 6 bags of chestnuts on sale and buy them for this uears bowl. All seems well until I take a bit and realize it is soft and squishy and taste a lot sweeter and a lot starchier. I then go back to pictures from last year and look at each variety of nut. I have almonds, cashews, pistachio, pecan, walnuts, brazil nuts, and "chestnuts". I go and ask my brother to help me figure out what is wrong with the situation because I am feeling stupid at this point. He goes through each type of nuts we can see in the pictures from the Christmas stuff last year and we get to the last one and he begins laughing at me asking if I know what it is. I said "yes its a "chestnut" but they were crunchy and these ones are soft which is why I am confused " he laughs a little longer and says no those are hazelnuts. Now I really feel stupid because everyone was loving the hazelnuts last year and I thought they were Chestnuts so I got the big Costco bag to use. 🤦

TL;DR I bought chestnuts after everyone loved "chestnuts" last year only to find I bought hazelnuts last year.

729
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/nientedipersonale9 on 2025-12-09 09:30:50+00:00.


So, this happened on my very first date with someone I really liked. Everything started perfectly: good vibes, fun conversation, and plenty of laughs. But about an hour in, my stomach decided to declare war on me. I don’t know if it was something I ate, nerves, or a cruel combination of both, but suddenly every time we sat down, I felt the urgent need to excuse myself to the bathroom.

We ended up hopping between three different restaurants that evening, and each time, I had to come up with creative excuses to sneak away without making it obvious. “Just checking my phone,” “Wow, the view in the restroom is amazing,” “Need to wash my hands again”,you name it, I said it. I tried so hard to stay classy, keep my composure, and make it seem like nothing was wrong.

At first, I thought I was pulling it off flawlessly… until at the end of the night, she gave me a weird knowing smile and mentioned that she had noticed I was disappearing a lot. I guess I wasn’t as smooth as I thought. 😅

TL;DR: Had terrible stomach problems on my first date, hopped between three restaurants, tried to stay classy, but she eventually realized something was up.

730
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/atbg1936 on 2025-12-09 03:41:41+00:00.


Technically not TIFU, but today I finally figured it out.

It was a normal afternoon about a week ago and I had nearly run out of salt at home. After my class for my Masters ended, I went for my usual shopping trip at the nearby grocery store. I was about to check out when I remembered I had to buy the salt - I knew the bus was coming soon so I took a quick look, grabbed the cheapest product with a label containing the English word "salt" which looked exactly like salt, and paid for my groceries. I'm a native English speaker living in a Nordic country and my knowledge of the local language isn't amazing, but I knew the word for salt was the same and was pretty sure I had what I needed.

Fast forward a week and my old container of salt has completely run out, so I use the new one to make my usual dish of vegan mashed potatoes and greens (with oil instead of butter, it tastes incredible). A minute or so after I finished sprinkling it, I smelled a very strange smell and felt a sensation in my nose that can only be described as a worse version of the "water up the nose" feeling. I ate a bite and threw away the rest, worrying that the food might somehow be spoiled or that I maybe forgot to wash some detergent off the pan or the ladle. I also noticed that it didn't taste very salty, but I figured I might just have not used enough salt and I'm used to using much less salt in my food anyway.

The day after, I heated up some pre-seasoned potatoes which I consumed without incident, and today, two days after that, I used the same "salt" to season some frozen French fries. As you might guess by now, I had the same reaction. This was getting a bit too weird for me to process on my own at home, so I called my mom and told her I was worried I might be having some kind of reaction to potatoes (my brain initially forgot the normality of the pre-seasoned potatoes entirely). Step by step, I started to put things together and realized that it must have been one of the spices I was using, and the only spice I hadn't put in my food before this mess started was the "salt".

After searching reputable sources to see if any type of salt might cause what I experienced, I started to worry that what I had bought wasn't salt at all. After Google Translate failed to help, I finally used Wikipedia to find out I was right. When I bought it, I had noticed that the label read something like "heart salt" in English; it turned out that rather than sodium chloride, I had bought...ammonium bicarbonate, a leavening agent used in many baking products which can irritate the nose. I was aware of the compound but not of its old name, "salt of Hartshorn", from which the name still used in many Nordic countries derives.

Tomorrow I'm going to go and buy some real salt so that I can enjoy the taste of the food I make again...

TL;DR: bought what I thought was salt but was very much not salt due to a misunderstood translation.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Gristle-Gizzard on 2025-12-09 03:04:47+00:00.


Today my wife's parents invited us over for a family dinner. Her grandparents just got a new TV, so they asked us if we wanted their old one. Our current bedroom TV is kind of a piece of just so we figured why not.

We brought the TV home and set it up in the bedroom. This TV is a 51 incher, so we were cackling about how comically large it looked in the bedroom. I told my wife to stand next to it for scale so I could take a picture and send it to her family's group chat.

My leg was barely show in the corner of the photo, so I cropped my leg out. I guess I should've taken a closer look at the picture. After I sent it to the chat, I zoomed in on the camera. You see, this large screen is almost as reflective as a mirror, and I happen to be an at home nudist. That not a fact I ever wanted her family to know lol.

As I was frantically trying to delete this photo, I realized four people had already seen the photo. My wife and I tried to convince myself that I had deleted it before anyone else paid attention to the screen. Until my brother in law quoted his wife in the group chat, "honey come quick... I think BIL just flashed the group chat."

I had no choice but confess about my nudist lifestyle. Thankfully my legs covered my private parts.

TL;DR: I sent a picture of a large TV with a reflective screen to my family group chat forgetting I am an at home nudist.

732
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SatanButKawaii on 2025-12-08 07:25:09+00:00.


So today I fucked up… but honestly the setup happened yesterday.

I (27F) run a small coffee shop + bakery, and on the side I offer tarot/ psychic readings. This is something that I’ve done since years so most high school people knew about that.

Yesterday, an old high school friend reached out asking for guidance on one question. We used to be close, and it was just one question so I didn’t wanna be petty by charging her for that. She was quite impressed and grateful. Okay, cool.

Fast forward to today.

She walks into my café with 4-5 friends and basically announces that I’ll be doing readings for all of them. No asking if I’m available, no warning, nothing. Just a confident “She’ll do it for yall,she’s amazing.”

I’m standing there confused and awkward But I stayed polite and said, “Sure here’s my price list. Let me know which session each of you wants.”

Instant attitude shift.

She got mad and said things like:

“Why are you charging for your natural gifts!”

“You didn’t charge me yesterday!”

“You should be doing this out of kindness.”

“You’re being greedy.”

For context: she is literally the only person I’ve ever done a free reading for.

I calmly explained that yesterday was a one-time favor for an old friend, not a free unlimited service plan. Tarot is still my job, and my time and energy are still work, I don’t give out full sessions for free, especially not to a group I’ve never met.

She got upset, stormed out dramatically, and later sent me a long message about how I’ve “changed” and how selfish I am before blocking me. I got kinda hurt by her behaviour nil

Meanwhile… two of her friends came back later, apologized, PAID, and were completely respectful.

So yeah. TL:DR giving one small favour and unintentionally convincing someone she had unlocked the “friends & unlimited freebies” DLC

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Blazetta on 2025-12-08 02:20:41+00:00.


So a few hours ago, me and my brother were just in the car smoking. He had bought some salvia & i decided i should hit the salvia.

After I took it, my body eventually felt like it was bubbling including my head 10 minutes later. My vision became blurry & eventually i saw nothing. Like a blind person. It wasn’t just blackness, it was literally nothing man holy fucking shit.

But then, everytime this man who i didn’t have a chance to see what he looked like said the word “When”, I gained my vision back but only when he said the word “when”. Jesus this might sound crazy as fuck but i think i was literally the word “When”. I gained vision a few times a day probably but only for a split second. Everytime he said “when”, it’s like i shot outside his mouth and instantly gain & lose my vision. I fucking hated it. I couldn’t hear or feel anything either. My senses only came back when the man said the word “when”.

I remember this dude just starting singing & i think i gained my senses like 30 times. Towards the end, he had sung out “When” holding it for maybe 7 seconds. The music in the back sounded like sum genre i’ve never heard before. But the longer he said when, the more my presence or whatever felt hot.

It felt like weeks until i was actually normal. Actually back in my body, but my brother thought i was actually tired & had fallen asleep but iirc, he said i only slept for 9 minutes.

TL;DR. Took Salvia & become the word “When” and it felt like months, only for me to find out i was only out for 9-10 minutes in reality.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/svrreall on 2025-12-07 19:18:52+00:00.


My (28F) boyfriend (34M) and I love watching Smosh videos. I wasn’t too into them before we got together a couple of years ago, but I quickly got hooked when he showed me their videos. Specifically I like their Smosh Reads Reddit Stories videos and Smosh Mouth podcasts. Now, ever since I was a kid, I have needed some form of background noise to fall asleep to. Over the last few months, I have turned their Reddit Stories videos on my Apple TV and set a sleep timer to doze off when needed. The issue is that every week when a new video drops and we watch them together, I start getting really tired and doze off. I realized the other day that it’s because I’ve been playing their videos as background noise when I go to bed, and now my brain is wired to sleep when I hear Shayne’s voice. My boyfriend laughs about it, and it is pretty funny to be honest. I guess I’ll go back to playing Bobs Burgers or something instead.

PS If this ends up in a Smosh video, I will laugh until I die.

TL;DR I have Pavlov-ed myself to fall asleep to Smosh and now I need to reverse it.

735
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MuricaAndBeer on 2025-12-07 00:57:27+00:00.


I forgot she doesn’t remember her dreams.

Our beautiful, gentle, and innocent little cattle dog passed unexpectedly on Wednesday morning, and we’ve been in shambles ever since. Her way more so than I have, because it’s been here dog for 11 years and I’ve only been in their lives for 2 1/2. Since it happened, I took time off work and we’ve just shut ourselves in and have been mourning and not doing much of anything. I just want to grieve and feel everything we need to and not feel like we need to hold anything in.

This morning we woke up and talked, and I told her last night I dreamt that she was back, and in that moment I stopped everything and just loved her until I woke up. This made her sob, as she doesn’t dream like I do, and can’t experience having her back like that in the way I can.

I feel awful

TL;DR: My GFs dog died and in our mourning I told her that I saw her in my dreams. My GF doesnt dream and I made it worse.

736
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AliceMorgon on 2025-12-07 00:08:22+00:00.


I have two epilepsy service cats (yes, cats) named Schrödinger and Angelina. They work alternating 12 hour shifts so they still get plenty of “being a cat” fun time, not to mention they can still play at home as long as they do their job. I got Schrödinger much younger because Angie was a cancelled contract from the previous litter and is highly traumatised (they’re siblings) so his training has progressed much faster and more effectively than Angelina’s, which is why he works days (10am to 10pm, when Angie switches in; it’s generally more uneventful at night so better for a cat still learning.) The one thing about Angie though is that she’s very intuitive.

Anyway. 6am this morning. I’m mid-night-terror when suddenly a cat is clawing me awake. I assumed it was Schrödinger demanding food because Angelina has NEVER progressed to the point of alerting physically before, so mumbled various profanities and rolled over.

Then she started meowing. This cat has never made a sound in her life. And headbutting me. At this point it finally strikes me that the cat is actually responding to her training and alerting on me properly for the first time. Just in time for the world’s biggest invisible wrecking ball to strike me in the head, my legs and arms to go numb, and for me to vomit all over myself, my hair, the cat, the bed, the floor, and the outside of the bag I was aiming for.

My second cat, Schrödinger, immediately raced over and began licking Angie clean enthusiastically. It was so disgusting I threw up again. On Schrödinger this time. And poor Angie again.

It was… it was bad. I did not feel well.

But good girl, Angelina. Many treats for you.

TL;DR: Ignored epilepsy cat, then vomited profusely on epilepsy cat, entire room, and self.

737
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DaddyOhMy on 2025-12-06 21:05:10+00:00.


This happened not even a half hour ago.

We are going out for my MiL's birthday this evening and my wife came out and asked if the shirt she is wearing looked okay on her. It wasn't anything special but she looked damn good in it. Really good and I told her so. It fit great and was just the perfect amount of tight in the right places. I joked about looking forward to getting it off of her later, making the lame dad joke about the only way the shirt would look better is if it was on our bedroom floor. She laughed and said I was going to regret saying that. Turns out my mom gave it to her.

It wasn't new, my mom had it for a while but hadn't worn it for years. When we visited her over Thanksgiving weekend, my mom and my wife went through her closet to see what she might want before donating the rest to a shelter. My wife started to tease me, asking if I thought it looked that hot when my mother wore it. Then our kids started piling on (going extra with it after being icked out by my earlier comments).

A few minutes later, my phone started blowing up. My wife took no time to share this with my mom and my sisters. Now I'm getting shit from every side and I supplied the ammunition. I have no doubt whatsoever that my wife will make sure to wear the shirt the next time we get together with my family.

TL;DR: My wife wore a hand-me-down shirt she got from my mother and now I'm getting abused by everyone for letting her know how sexy she looks in it.

738
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Conscious_Security96 on 2025-12-06 16:10:57+00:00.


I've been craving a good Mac and Cheese for about a week, so I decided to make my own from scratch.

I went to Reddit for a solid recipe, and got one that looked simple: macaroni, evaporated milk, and cheddar cheese. Got it.

Went to the store. "Macaroni. Evaporated milk. Cheese. Macaroni. Evaporated milk. Cheese. Macaroni. Condensed milk. Cheese."

I grabbed the condensed milk off the shelf. "Wow that was easy."

Went home and started making the Mac and cheese for me and my husband. So far so good. Added the condensed milk, and cheese. This looks so good! Let's take a test bite...

All I tasted with sugar... It was disgustingly sweet. Where did I go wrong???

My husband asked, "what kind of milk did you buy?". Me: "condensed milk!.... Oh."

I learned that condensed milk is for baking and has a load of sugar.

We threw out the Mac and cheese and ordered delivery.

TL;DR: I used condensed milk instead of evaporated milk and made very sweet Mac and cheese.

739
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BurnquestThreepwood on 2025-12-06 15:54:17+00:00.


This morning I woke up at 5am like I would any other workday. I’m the manager of a medical cannabis dispensary in upstate New York and I like to go to the gym before I start my day or else I tend to lose the motivation to do so after my workday is over. The morning went much like any other, the only difference being that since we’ve entered into winter it’s been unbelievably cold lately and my skin has been drying out because of it. While at the gym at one point the skin in my finger ended up cracking and I began to bleed, nothing crazy, but I happened to notice it as I was leaving. Once I get home I hop into the shower and when I get out I have the bright idea to moisturize, which is something that I don’t usually do. Because this is out of the norm for me I don’t usually have lotion in the house, however a couple weeks ago one of the venders for our dispensary sent bottles of their new THC lotion to the shop for our employees to try out. Not being a believer that lotion is the most effective way for me to medicate due to uncertainty of the ability of the medication to break the blood/brain barrier and get a precise dose every time have yet to use the lotion. Because I didn’t particularly think a lotion could get anyone stoned, I liberally applied globs and globs of lotion across my entire body. We’re talking close to half the bottle. After that I get dressed and head to work. As I start doing inventory and counting drawers I do think I may actually start to feel a little high. ‘Cool’, I think to myself. I don’t usually medicate during the workday but I’m not one to scoff at an incidental dose to help round the edges on my last workday of the week. As I continue my morning routine I continue to notice myself become more and more stoned. To the point where I’m starting to freak out a little bit. By the time I hit the peak of this experience I’d shut myself in my office hoping to god nobody comes in needing to speak to a manager or that I wouldn’t need to make direct eye contact with any of my staff for the next couple hours. When all was said and done I made it through the experience (as well as prescheduled monthly call with corporate) not too worse for wear, I did eat my lunch way too early, and I will have a tough time battling the lethargy one feels after getting way too high, but I stuck the landing the best I could. I now have a newfound respect for our topical products and a pretty funny fuckup to tell at holiday parties this year.

TL;DR- Bathed myself in weed lotion and ended up fried at work.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Opposite-Fly-7629 on 2025-12-06 13:38:54+00:00.


I was at a party talking to this girl I'd just met. She was wearing a really nice skirt and I noticed what I thought was her hand in her pocket. I remembered my friends always complaining about women's clothes not having pockets so I said something like "Oh that's awesome your skirt has pockets, my friends are always complaining about that."

She looked completely confused. Said her skirt doesn't have pockets.

I doubled down like an idiot. Said I saw her hand in her pocket earlier.

That's when her face went red and she held up her left arm. Her hand is amputated below the elbow. What I thought was her hand in a pocket was just her arm resting against her side.

I immediately apologized and wanted to die on the spot. Thankfully she laughed and said that's a new one. We actually ended up talking the rest of the night and she was cool about it.

But I'm still mortified.

TL;DR: Complimented a girl's skirt pockets. Her skirt didn't have pockets. She didn't have a hand.

741
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NunsWithNunchucks on 2025-12-06 06:18:03+00:00.


Our company had its annual year end function yesterday and the theme was dress up like your favourite tv character. I was gonna dress up like a Squid Game soldier with the black mask and pink jumpsuit, but when I ordered the costume online and eventually tried it on at home, the mask was way too big and the jumpsuit was way too tight. So I decided to go with plan b. Dress up like my boss. He wasn't a tv character, but he kind of acted like one. He always walks like he's a model at a runway fashion show and he loves to literally point his finger at people before saying something cringe like "Love your work, Joey! You were cook KING! That presentation was fuh fuh fuh fiiiiiiiire!"

As someone with a father who's more or less my boss's age, hearing him unironically use Gen Z slang on a daily basis was something I had trouble getting used to during my first few weeks at work. Anyway, so I showed up at the year end function dressed in a suit and tie, which was an easy last minute solution to my Squid Game fuck up. Whenever someone asked me who I was dressed as, I would point my finger at them and drop a random line like "You're the GOAT, Bryan! But stay humble, fam. Ego is the enemy." I had enough lines like that to make it clear to everyone who I was, including our boss, who approached me at some point and joked that I reminded him of a younger version of himself. Cue laughing. Ha ha ha. Hee hee hee.

Later that evening, the boss approached me again, but this time it was obvious based on his body language that he was no longer sober. He put his hand on the back of my neck and asked if I thought it was appropriate to make fun of the person who employed me. I said my intention was to have fun not make fun and then I apologised if I did anything inappropriate or offensive. My boss said it was a shame because he used to like me, and then he just walked away without saying anything else. It was ominous as fuck. I was unable to stop thinking about that interaction for the rest of the night, so I decided to leave. I think I fucked up. I just don't know how bad yet.

Tl:Dr Dressed up and acted as my boss for our costume themed office party and ended up making my boss hate me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DangerousDog9318 on 2025-12-06 01:20:22+00:00.


Obligatory this happened three days ago. For some background, I (27f) have been collecting dragon figurines (and other assorted dragon themed items) since I was 5 years old. I've lost count but I know I have amassed well over 100 at this point. Quite a few are gifts or souvenirs.

Three days ago, on impulse, I decided to swap my hobby room with my bedroom, as I needed more space for hobbies but don't need much space to sleep. In this hobby room, I have (well, had) a shelf that held 35 of my most sentimental figures hanging on the wall about 3 inches from the door.

By the point the fuck up happened, I had already moved most of the furniture from the small room to the big room. No this did not include the shelf. Final task for the night was to move my queen bed into the small room and get some sleep.

I got the low profile frame in with no issue. Next steps were to move the bed board in and then the mattress.

As I was entering the room with the bed board, I looked at the shelf and thought to myself "I should probably move those somewhere safe... naaahhh I have plenty of space to maneuver this."

Approximately 2 seconds later the board knocks the bottom of the shelf and bam, 35 of my most prized possessions - including both genuine jade and genuine murano glass figures - plummet nearly six feet to the ground. Over 20 years of memories, gone in an instant. At least that's what it felt like at the time.

After I took some time to collect myself and ask for help, I was finally able to look at the disaster. As my friend (27f) and I were cleaning up the remains, she asked me about each dragon's story. The rest of the evening turned to story time, gluing, and cleaning glass from carpet.

The good news is that of the 35 dragons, only 7 shattered beyond repair. A few even came through completely unscathed. Of the 7 shattered dragons, I was able to find exact versions of 4 online. Of the remaining 3, 2 were gifts from folks I still talk to, so I can still get a similar sentiment out of whatever dragons they choose to gift next. The only dragon I can't replace was from Texas so is that really a loss?

I plan to make some art with the shards and some epoxy so I can still keep the originals around.

Here is a link to before and after pics for those interested:

https://imgur.com/a/pydGMF3

TL;DR: I nearly destroyed a collection 20 years in the making because I was too impatient to relocate it before moving a queen bed. Luckily the vast majority survived the fall or can be repaired and I will preserve the shattered ones in epoxy artwork.

743
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/r0cafe1a on 2025-12-06 02:31:52+00:00.


I’m trying to quit a two decade heavy nicotine habit and today was my first day back at work since I’ve quit. I told myself as long as I didn’t stop on the hour drive there I was golden. I had a tin of ice breaker sour mints on me and was housing them 5-10 at a time.

I finally park and realized I’d ran through a whole tin. I looked at the calories and such to see if I did any damage. What caught my eye was the artificial sweeteners they use and I knew I was FUCKED. It was the same kind that used to be in these Atkins bars I ate and would have me begging for mercy on the toilet.

My stomach immediately dropped. I sprinted into work and b lined to the bathroom. I work at a concert venue and the head singer was in the big staff bathroom with me adjusting his clothes. A quick nod and how ya doin and I went to the farthest stall.

What proceeded was madness. I immediately drop a horse pile while I time the flush perfectly. He’s still in the bathroom with me. As soon as the horse pile and flush stops I couldn’t control the loudest fart followed by another horse pile in the silence. He’s trying not to laugh. I’m clutching my gut as it gurgles the most insane sounds, wanting to scream at him to leave. I finally can’t and fart for probably 30 seconds straight and another horse pile falls out. The fart started before the flush and was still going after it was over. I don’t even know if he was in the bathroom anymore.

This went on for at least another ten minutes to the point I was starting to worry. Horse pile. mASSive fart. Rinse and repeat. I got up and was dripping diarrhea on the ground. After using probably a roll of toilet paper and another 5 flushes, I started my shift.

Luckily, I did not see the head singer again all night. I’m sure he will tell that story to someone.

TL;DR ate too much artificial sweetener that I’m sensitive to and I don’t think there’s anything left in my stomach or rectum.

744
 
 
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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Quiet_Engineer_6867 on 2025-12-05 20:26:08+00:00.


I'm honestly a bit embarrassed by this. I'm embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

Part of my embarrassment comes from feeling like sobriety isn't really a thing. Like a lot of people, I've always drank causally. Around 2 years ago is when I feel like it became an actual issue. It started with coming home and having a drink or two every night. Prior to that, I would only drink on nights when I didn't have to work the next day. Quickly, those 2 drinks turned into 3 or 4 or 5, and suddenly I realized I was going through at least half a bottle of liquor every night. I would tell myself "I'm not going to drink tonight" while I was at work or on my way home. Then I'd get home and sure enough, I'd justify just having one. Then one became two, and that became three, and then there I was finishing off another bottle. That was every single night. I wasn't fall down or pass out drunk. I still woke up and went to work every morning. My struggle with it was completely internal. I lost my motivation to do anything enjoyable. I started feeling depressed. It even changed the way I saw myself.

2 weeks and 5 days ago I decided that enough was enough and I needed to stop. I told my wife I wasn't going to drink anymore because I felt like it had become a problem. That was the first time I said it out loud. My wife said that she never thought it was an issue because I didn't get drunk, just occasionally a little tipsy. I got rid of any of the alcohol I had and the first 2 days were hard, but I started to feel better. I felt more energy. I felt happier. I felt better about myself. I still thought about drinking, but I was doing good. Then last night, my wife got into an argument with our son. She walked away and asked me to deal with it because she was getting overwhelmed. That lead to me and my son arguing over what really should've been a minor issue. We eventually settled it, as best as it could be at least, and he walked away. I stood in the kitchen trying to calm down. Thats when it hit me. I had an old bottle of brandy that I had for years. I poured a glass, sat down on a stool and drank it. Then another, and another. I drank 3/4 of the bottle by the time my wife came back in. I wasn't angry or tense any more. She didn't say anything about the drinking. We just went on with the night like nothing happen. An hour or so later, my son and I were talking like normal. Everything was fine until I woke up this morning with that same old feeling that I hated. My wife says that its not a big deal because I wasn't drunk, but I feel ashamed for giving in like I did. I again have no motivation and keep thinking about picking up another bottle of liquor before going home. I want it to be a big deal. I want someone else to tell me that I F'd up.

TL;DR After heavily drinking every night for the past 2 years, I decided to stop drinking. I didn't drink for almost 3 weeks, but last night I drank almost a whole bottle of liquor because I felt upset and stressed by something. Now I hate myself for it, and I don't want it to be ok.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/meg_ea on 2025-12-05 14:09:18+00:00.


For the past year, I've been hearing from my leadership, "If someone thinks about leaving, we wish they'd tell us so we could help them find something." I was naive enough to take them at their word. So, when I decided that I was ready to explore other opportunities, I told my boss. No solid timeline, hadn't even interviewed for a single job yet. Just a common courtesy, "Hey, I'm thinking about looking." No solid timeline, no indication of my final day of work. Just a common courtesy that they had spent the last year publicly asking employees for.

The next week, my boss asked me to post my job. I was really stunned because I'd never seen someone get treated this way in my company. I didn't expect them to start recruiting for my job until I'd told them "Hey, I'm getting this far along with this job and I think it's going well, maybe we should start looking." Because I absolutely would have done that for them. I thought there was that mutual trust. I've never left a job without giving one month's notice. I wouldn't leave them hanging, and I really thought they trusted me to leave in good taste.

Well, I've spent the last week watching my boss interview other people for my role, and I just lost the only solid lead I had.

TLDR; Took my boss at his word and gave them a heads up that I was exploring other opportunities, and now I have nothing and I'm on time crunch... go figure, hahaha.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Deadddino on 2025-12-05 11:05:00+00:00.


So today I decided to clean my cats tree because he throws up a lot and I didn’t want him to have to sleep in his residual dried puke anymore. (No advice needed, me and his vet are already working on it/looking into why.)

Dish soap did almost nothing to get any kind of stain out from his puke and I recently got an upholstery cleaner, originally for my mattress, so I looked at the ingredients list to make sure there’s no bleach or chlorine in it or if that warning tag about it being a danger to nature is on it. There was none, so I thought “sure that’s gonna be fine”.

Before you frantically write a concerned, potentially passive-aggressive comment, I already disassembled the tree and locked it into my basement. My cat was only in the room for like 5 minutes, a window was open and he made no contact with the foam. Don’t worry, bare with me.

Back to what I was doing.

I then proceeded to thoroughly clean his more than stained cat tree, rinsing it with water and dabbing that out of there, when it occurred to me to actually google all ingredients. Don’t ask me why I didn’t just do that up front, I have no idea.

Turns out the main ingredient (aliphatic hydrocarbons) is incredibly toxic to cats and is apparently an oil-based chemical binding to fabric so tightly, it’s almost impossible to ever get it out of anything that’s not a smooth surface like plastic or metal.

Well, now I had to get rid of the kind of expensive cat tree I got him not even half a year ago and order a new one. He wasn’t very pleased that I had to take it away from him and I doubt he’ll not give me shit for the next week while waiting for his new one to get delivered.

I don’t know if anyone needs this advice because in retrospect I feel more than very stupid, but clean your cats stuff with water and vinegar or buy an enzyme cleaner that has a specific label to be cat/pet friendly. Cat livers seem to lack a hella of a lot of enzymes to break down chemicals.

TL;DR: cleaned my cat’s tree with upholstery cleaner, that turned out to be highly toxic to cats. Cat didn’t get in contact with it, cat is fine.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/bleedingwriter on 2025-12-05 03:16:52+00:00.


I was heading back home after visiting family out of town. I wanted to leave early so that way I could get back home and take care of things I needed to at the apartment. I looked at the gas tank in my car and was like, I could make it home on this, but lets be safe..

I stopped at a gas station to fill up, and the pump wasnt taking my card. Turns out the chip randomly stopped working. Was fine yesterday but whatever.

I went inside, prepaid for the pump I was at, but remembered I wanted something to drink on the road so I went and grabbed a raspberry ice tea. I went back to my car and sat down inside to take a drink.

I then proceeded to text my partner to let her know I was heading home, turned on the music and headed back home.

About 30 minutes later I looked at the gas tank wondering why it was so close to empty, and realized....I forgot to fill it with the gas i prepaid for.

No idea what gas station I went to so im out of luck..oh well. Paid for gas twice I guess.

TL;DR. I prepaid for gas inside, and after getting my drink in my excitement I decided to step inside the car where it was warm to drink it. I then left without filling up my tank of the gas I paid for meaning I had to buy gas a second time later.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Super-Bnora on 2025-12-05 02:55:12+00:00.


So, like many FUs, this is one that I discovered today but has been brewing for a while.

I (48F) have an old chihuahua mix (19M). Back in September, the Cat Distribution System unexpectedly deposited a kitten into our lives. It‘s been a bit of a disruption, but overall she been a nice addition to our lives.

As all the kitten books advised, I kept her and the dog separate for the first few months, with only supervised visits and sniffs on opposite sides of closed doors.

When I finally did let them occupy the same space, I was surprised that the dog mostly ignored the kitten. Given the opportunity to enter the cat‘s room, he would trot right past her cute, eager face and investigate the litter box. I kept it clean, so he never got access to the kitten plops he craved, but hope springs eternal, and he checked back regularly.

Then one morning, as I was feeding the kitten, I heard the sound of pee on litter behind me. Sure enough, there was the dog, nose buried in the litter box, having a pee.

I wasn’t thrilled, but it seemed fairly harmless. I scooped out the massive clumps of wet litter, walked the dog as usual, and went about my business with the smug reflection that my old dog, at least, could learn new tricks.

Over the next few weeks, I noticed that the dog was still using the litter box sometimes. I didn’t encourage it — theres a lot of pee in that dog, and it definitely went through litter more quickly than a tiny kitten alone. And the room definitely smelled more than it had when it was just the kitten. No matter how often I scooped.

Then tonight, I noticed a puddle on the litter mat underneath the box. Dog must’ve missed, I figured. No big deal. And then, I fucked up. After moving the litter box over onto a pee pad, I picked up the litter mat. And dog pee came pouring out of it. It was soaked. Pee went everywhere. Pee on my clothes. Pee on the floor. Old pee. New pee. So much pee.

So, I kick both dog and kitten out of the room, and I cleaned. Threw out the mat. Scrubbed and swept and mopped the floor. Sprayed enzyme cleaner everywhere. Covered the room in pee pads. We will never be clean again.

TL;DR: Dog is coo-coo for kitten plops, decides to use the litter box while he’s in there. Weeks pass. I uncover a hidden lake of dog piss, and am never getting my deposit back.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CaglaErdemOztas on 2025-12-04 20:36:53+00:00.


This is my first-ever Reddit post, so apologies in advance if I mess up the formatting. Anyway—here’s how I managed to ruin my own armpits by trusting baking soda like it was holy water.

I used to be someone who normally sweated at an average level. On summer days, if I showered in the morning, I’d stay fresh until noon and only get a light smell in the evening. In winter, I could skip a couple of days without smelling at all. Because I wanted something even better for hot days — and because I’m stubborn about avoiding non-natural products — I experimented. First I tried lemon juice. Useless. Then I tried baking soda because my mom said it worked for her. I’d mix a bit with a few drops of water and apply it after showering. Almost every day.

And at first? It was incredible. Shockingly effective. Not 12 hours — 24 hours of zero smell. My mom quit after a few weeks because she said it made her itch. Lucky woman.

But after a while, the magic faded. I ignored it. Kept using it. Then things escalated. My armpits started smelling while I was still stepping out of the shower. I’m not exaggerating — I’d wash thoroughly, shave regularly, dry off, check… and there it was: instant smell. I thought it was a fungus. I stopped the baking soda, but the smell didn’t stop. I washed everything at high heat — shirts, towels, even my shower sponge. No change.

Dermatologist #1 Useless. Gave me meds, didn’t explain anything. I used them for two weeks. Nothing changed.

Meanwhile I started carrying an extra shirt to work during winter. Before going out in the evening, I’d switch shirts in the office bathroom like some tragic undercover agent. And if you’re thinking this was psychological… no.

Dermatologist #2 actually examined me and said: no fungus, just bacteria that dug deep and wouldn’t go away with washing. He gave me two creams (one antibiotic, one antifungal “just in case”) and told me to use them twice a day for three months. Three. Months.

Using the creams killed the smell instantly. For 2.5 months I lived like a normal human again. But then a new curse appeared: excessive sweating. Not mild sweating. I’m talking waterfall levels. Picture the sweat marks on my shirts going down nearly a hand’s length. Summer, winter, didn’t matter. A nonstop sprinkler system under my arms.

I pushed through, finished the full three months, stopped the creams… and a few days later the smell came back. Not as strong as before, but still awful. So now I had two problems instead of zero:

unwanted odor,

Niagara Falls under both arms.

Eventually I gave up on all treatments. No more creams, no more hacks, no more “natural” experiments. Just normal hygiene, gentle washing, no over-soaping. I stopped applying soap directly — I lather my hands first, apply lightly, and rinse very well.

It’s been about eight months since I quit everything. And finally — finally — the waterfalls dried up, and the smell has mostly retreated. I have no idea what I went through, but I’m grateful to be almost normal again.

Do I still use baking soda? Yes — but only because I bought it in bulk. My husband uses it for cleaning floors now. And honestly? I’m scared to walk barefoot on them.

TL;DR: “Natural product” doesn’t mean harmless. Baking soda ruined my armpits, gave me instant post-shower odor, then medical creams turned me into a human waterfall. Months later I finally recovered. Do not dive into baking soda like I did. It is not your friend.

Note: I don't speak English well enough. I used AI to translate and improve the text. I hope this doesn't violate the community guidelines. My story is real. The images are no longer proof, but I have the recipe. I shared my recipe in a comment below.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ZeroVonZero on 2025-12-04 18:17:43+00:00.


So this literally just happened.

My family was relying on me getting an interview for a good job and this job was in another state (Arizona, coming from Idaho) that we would eventually move to. So I plan out everything, fly down and get to my brother in laws house yesterday, who are thankfully letting me stay with them, and prepare all my clothes and everything for today.

Come today, I check the time on my phone and make sure everything is good and that I have plenty of time. I eat and get ready and my brother in law comes in and asks if I am going to the interview cause it's at 10 and it's past 10.

I say no, it's 9 and about ready to leave and show him my phone, he says no, it's 10 and then I get an email from the interviewer asking if I'm running late.

I immediately respond and she says that she can't reschedule my interview because of how busy her schedule is.

I just start crying cause I know I messed everything up, for my family who were relying on me to get this and all the people that said they believed in me and wishing me good luck. Like I let everyone down.

I was looking at my phone and for some reason, the time kept jumping back and forth and would settle for a while on the original time then go to back to the new time. I had to look at the tike zone setting on my phone to see what was going on and there's a setting that says change the time zone based on location that was off. I hit it and it immediately switched to the new time.

So yeah, I feel horrid for letting myself down and everyone that was counting on me. If you have to fly to another state for an interview, please learn from me and have that setting on.

TL;DR Phone time was set an hour back and wouldn't update causing me to miss my interview until I updated it after.

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