Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Gender-Ascender on 2026-02-13 04:24:47+00:00.

Okay so this wasn't actually today. This happened around 16/17 years ago. When I was 16/17 and in my first year of college (UK).

It was late morning, I had a break between classes and ended up sitting in a conversation with a few people I knew from my hometown. They all went to a different school to me before college but the same school as each other.

One of the girls in the group (lets call her Anna) I had known since we were toddlers. Our mams had been good friends so we had played together as very young kids.

But after around the age of 4 we moved to a different part of town and I never really saw her.

Meeting her again in college as young adults I was really attracted to her. We ended up talking one on one that day for a while after our mutual friends left and seemed to be getting on really well still despite never interacting since we were young.

Later on that day my phone pinged with a text from Anna saying something along the lines of "Hey forgot I had your number how're you doing?".

My heart leapt as I realised the girl I fancied had decided to keep up communication and I thought "Wow maybe this could go somewhere".

So I spent the rest of the afternoon slowly flirting with her via text until it seemed pretty clear we were both interested in each other.

At some point she mentioned that she had been invited to an awards evening for ex students of her school. But that none of her friends were supposed to be going so she wasn't sure she would bother since she had no one to go with.

I said something like "Hey, if you're getting an award then we gotta celebrate this so I'll come with you if that's allowed?"

We then agreed on meeting up in our town centre at the local supermarket to then walk over to this awards night.

As I walked down to the supermarket I was so excited. I had only had a couple of very brief, childish relationships up to that point. So the idea of having this film-like "Childhood sweethearts" type of reconnection and date was amazing to my theatre-kid brain.

She arrived before me and told me she was heading in to buy something real quick. I told her no problem and when I got there I waited outside at the door.

While I waited I did the usual people watching, then turned to look inside. As I did I saw, coming down the escalator, a girl that I very much was not attracted to (lovely person, just not my type) who I knew through mutual friends from a school in my hometown. She was called Anna.

I spotted her and thought "Oh hey there's Anna, haven't seen her in a while."

*Beat*

"OH DEAR GOD NO!" (Full on wide-eyed internal monologue moment)

Right then I realised my mistake, I genuinely have no idea when in the past I had exchanged numbers with this other Anna. But clearly as some point I did.

My first thought was "Run?" But I quickly realised I just couldn't do that. I knew if I was in her position and somebody I'd spent all day flirting with suddenly just disappeared, seconds after saying they'd meet up with me, it would fuck with my head forever. But I also knew that I couldn't tell her "Oh yeah I've been flirting with you all day cause I thought you were a totally different, more attractive Anna". Maybe I'm wrong but again if that was me I would be devastated to hear that haha.

So I stayed. Met up with her, gave her a hug and we set off to walk to this awards evening.

Luckily we were both nerdy, awkward teenagers. So being awkward around each other once we were face to face was no surprise. But eventually along the walk I couldn't handle it anymore and texted my dad telling him I fucked up and I needed him to call me asking me to come home.

My dad, being the legend he is, understood and called me saying I had to come home to babysit my little brother cause he forgot he and my mam had to go to an event.

I made a show of it, acting disappointed and fighting it a little before relenting. I apologised to her for having to leave after saying I'd go with her and that I would stay if I could. She understood, we hugged again and went our separate ways.

We had a brief text conversation after that, which died off pretty quickly and I have never seen her since.

As far as I know, to this day she has never known what actually happened that day.

Thanks for reading my story about my dumbass teenage self. xD

Sorry if the title seems misleading, but I couldn't think of a better way to briefly describe this stupid fucking situation I got myself in to.

TL;DR: I agreed to a date with the wrong girl by text, after confusing her with another girl with the same name, from the same town and school. She never found out (I think)

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Creeping_Blueberry on 2026-02-12 18:46:44+00:00.

This morning I received some edible glitter that I had bought for valentines day plans as well as for making alcoholic drinks look cool by adding some pizzazz. I took a small bottle of it with me to work because why not, while at work I noticed they had stocked new FIFA Coka-Cola. So a plan formed where I would add the edible glitter to the FIFA coke and try to convince my co-workers that it's a part of this super special FIFA edition coke. Imagine my shock when I popped the coke open, and added just a little bit of the glitter powder only for the Coke to immediately and violently start rejecting foam all over my desk and myself. Apparently it doesn't like the powder right out of the gate. so now my desk and myself are choices in incredibly fine glitter. jokes on me.

TL;DR: I added edible glitter powder to my coke to prank my co-workers and ended up pranking myself instead.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cuphalfemptie on 2026-02-13 05:46:05+00:00.

I’m a ginger and my eyebrows are pretty light so i dye them auburn so they show up. I got a new brand and left the dye on too long because I got sucked into my game and honestly I was a little bit sloppy with the application because my usual brand doesn’t stain the skin…..yeah you can probably guess…..

The panic i felt trying to wipe them off and realize if this truly was the final result, and i had work in an hour. They were dark brown, thick and completely straight.

I looked like that one little red angry bird. My boyfriend said when i wear my glasses i look like eugene levy.

I try and fix it with makeup but there’s no covering it up, im screwed. I have to live this way. I have to go out and face the world looking like this.

I’m also a bartender, I’ve never gotten worse tips. But on the plus side people gave me plenty of space on the subway.

TLDR i dyed my eyebrows and now i look like an angry bird.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Nordic_Nonsense on 2026-02-13 01:53:41+00:00.

Obligatory "not today, but some time ago" disclaimer:

I (32F) am a manager at a local doggy daycare. I *LOVE* my job, and having been in the veterinarian field beforehand, I picked everything up pretty quickly.

I am one of four managers. All our other employees are part-time and most of them are 18-25ish. Back in 2023, my boss hired "Andrea" (18F) for the summer, and she ended up being on for longer.

Andrea came from a very well-to-do family, and you could tell she didn't have a work ethic to save her life. (only chatting with other employees, not wanting the dogs to jump on her, etc). and I would have to get after her to do the basics of her job.

She'd been around for almost eight months at one point, and I'm not sure how it even got brought up, but she began talking about the church she and her family belonged to, and then asked me if I go to church.

Having been a child traumatized by purity balls and Lifehouse's "Everything" skit (IYKYK), I sarcastically replied:

"No, actually. I'm a Satanist."

Andrea's face goes white, and she doesn't speak to me for the rest of the day. I go home, go to bed, and don't think about it until next week. I was supposed to work with her, and she called out.

Perturbed, but not deterred, I went about my day, doing what I normally do.

Next week, the same thing happens.

At this point, I'm about ready to lose my mind.

The *next* week rolls around, and I find out she's put in her two weeks. I also see that her name has been moved around so we don't work together again.

Asking my boss about it, all I was given was, "Andrea didn't want to work with you anymore. I'm not sure why."

Her two weeks come and go, she leaves, I go about my life.

Enter "Kate" (18F), the younger sister of one of my favorite coworkers.

Her first day, she does her job, and we're getting ready to leave.

Kate turns to me and says, "Andrea said you're a Satanist."

I'm stunned. Absolutely gobsmacked. All I can do is open my mouth and go, "I'm sorry?"

"Yeah, she said you admitted it when she was talking about church. We worked together at my old job. She told EVERYONE her old manager was a Satanist."

I'm turning bright red, trying to figure out how to take the three-month-old foot out of my mouth.

Of course, the one coworker who doesn't understand sarcasm is the one I said that to.

Still stunned that this has been brought back to life 90ish days later, I tell Kate I was being sarcastic and "of course the one coworker who doesn't understand that is the one who runs with it."

My boss found it hilarious when I told her.

TL;DR: I sarcastically told my coworker I was a Satanist, and she rolled with it too hard.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AmoraEnchantress on 2026-02-12 20:35:02+00:00.

So, I know this might not be as big to other people as me but I have been feeling so guilty about this so I have to share and thought this place was appropriate.

I am a pretty hairy woman. I'm not going to bore you with details but it's due to a condition. I get so hairy I will grow a "beard" If I don't shave it off like every other week. I work with kids, especially preteens, so I get comments if I forget to shave lol.

Today though, I was with this kid I will call Edwina. Idk If I should add this or not but I am a white woman, and she is indian

Edwina felt really insecure today for some reason. She talked about how ugly her unibrow is and how she is mad her mother won't allow her to shave it off. There was also a lot of cultural things she mentioned I didn't really have something to comment on, so I talked to her about Frida Kahlo, and then showed how hairy my own arms are. My point was to show that women can have hairy arms or face and there's no shame on it.

She was actually listening to me quite well, until she mentioned her moustache and gow insecure it made her.

Then, I slipped up. I said: "Oh, that's normal too. Sometimes women can have that. Even I have it if I didn't shave-"

Something in Edwina's eyes broke. Like, those eyes will probably haunt my dreams. She just looked... kind of betrayed. She became a little withdrawn and spent the rrst of the recess away from me. I tried to be good representation but instead I might have heightened her own insecurities.

This was a learning moment in my still short career as a school assistant

TL;DR: I tried to be representation, ended up reinforcing her insecurities.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SpecialDeep7417 on 2026-02-12 17:50:40+00:00.

I've made plenty of mistakes in my professional career, but this one takes the cake, and it's 100% my fault. If people are mad at me because of this, in knowing how tough the job market is right now id totally get it.

For some background, I got a budget to hire for some kind of specialized projects, and this particular position was an urgent need where I was trying to get someone in by Monday. So I was straight sending people through the interview process as quickly as possible. Plus, again, I know the job market is crazy here in the US and I don't particularly like dragging out the interview process and I already knew what I was looking for and was more focused on finding the right cultural fit.

Anyways, I had my team interview roughly 15 candidates, and then they sent me the top 5, where I would make a final decision last Thursday. Of the 5 that I interviewed, there was one that was the absolute perfect fit and had the exact perfect background and was clearly someone you would enjoy working with... which is really important to me.

Of the other candidates, there was a couple that were very good, but not fits in terms of personality or background. One of which had an extremely similar name to the standout and both had pretty common US names. Think "Bob Smith" and "Bob Jones" kind of thing. The Bob Jones candidate was one of the ones who was more or less the definitive not right fit since he was not experienced in a pretty intricate industry, where Bob Smith had been doing it for a decade.

Clearly, you can see where this is going, but where I really FU'd is when I presented my choice to leadership. I explained Bob Smith's background, but referred to him as Bob Jones and got full agreement on him.

But, the biggest mistake of all is that I generally like to be the one to call and congratulate them and extend an offer, but I was taking several days off because my wife and I were doing our first ultrasound for our twins and telling our family, so I was 100% completely disctracted and freaking out about that and the plan was to have him start quickly a few days before actual onboarding when I got back (today). If I had called, I would have recognized the voice immediately and just kind of pivoted to making it a respectful rejection.

When I got on a video conference with him first thing this morning and realized it was the wrong "Bob", I was like OH FUCK, and realized it was 100% my fault. Obviously, I'm not gonna fire this guy for my own mistake, but I'm going to have to figure something out or put a lot of my time getting him up to speed.

The big concern that I have, is that I explained to several team members and leadership very specific skills and background that he has... and this Bob doesn't has those. So, people or going to think he was dishonest, and either way I will have to admit my FU.

TLDR: Was frantically trying to hire for a job that requires specific skills, was really mentally distracted, and I mixed up two people with almost the same name and didn't realize I hired the wrong person.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/StudioCascade on 2026-02-12 17:34:50+00:00.

Honestly, this is more of a "Today I Stopped Fucking UP" but I wanted to make the post anyway, especially if it can inspire some folks to go.

So, I think my last dental cleaning/check-up/whatever you call it was when I was 12 or 13 years old. Dental hygiene wasn't ever firmly enforced on me growing up and as a shithead pre-teen I found out I could get away without doing it with just a few work arounds. Parents didn't find out or really care when they did catch me, and I created a bad habit that followed me MUCH too far into my adult life.

Flash forward to now, in my early 30s. Two teeth that have broken/shattered over the years (unfortunately they both happened when I didn't have dental insurance) that I just face-tanked. The SEARING and MISERABLE pain of exposed nerves that stuck around for years, the self-lancing of multiple abscesses, having the side of my face swell up like a balloon just before a flight - that I ended up popping and draining while in the airplane bathroom 30 minutes in... Not to mention the fact that I was too embarrassed about what I had going on in there to even engage in conversations about teeth in front of my own friends.

My girlfriend of a little over a year (bless her FUCKING heart) finally convinced me to go via gentle pressure, endless support, and helping me get over the "I don't want to know how fucked up it is in there" mentality. I had my first diagnostic and x-ray session last week, and my first cleaning this week. I've got a few places that are more sensitive now, and a handful of fillings and extractions scheduled (those two broken ones are 100% lost causes)... But I can confidently say that I've begun to take back my health, my teeth are on the road to preserving what I've got, and likely, I won't be dying from an abscess turning into a full blood infection.

I'm not proud of how long it took, but I'm proud that I did it. Same goes for my first Primary Care Provider appointments that I had to drag myself to late last year :)

If you haven't been to the dentist in a while... GO. Otherwise you're only hurting yourself... and it. will. HURT. so badly. It's avoidable, fixable, and they will have ALWAYS seen worse.

Also, find yourself someone who isn't going to tear you down or judge you, but will help you address your own faults for the benefit of both of you (if you're into that)

TL;DR: 20 years since I last went to the dentist, was terrified to find out how bad things had gotten. I was finally inspired to go by my (very supportive) girlfriend and it wasn't anywhere near as bad of a scenario as I'd built up in my head. GO TO THE DENTIST.

EDIT: Even before I went, my mouth wasn't visually disgusting beyond some spots - at least not without REALLY trying to look at the broken ones. Just not healthy. The broken teeth weren't FRONT teeth, but further back in the mouth. Not visible, cleaned out often, and not preventative of any mouth-ly activities.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok-Breadfruit-1359 on 2026-02-12 04:33:07+00:00.

Tifu by buying a calendar on January 1, 2026. My 15 year old stepson wanted a Stranger Things calendar this year so we ordered it on Amazon for $35. I thought that was pricy, but it was already New Year's Day so I just went ahead with the purchase.

Welp, tonight I went into his room and noticed that Valentine's Day will be on a Friday on his calendar. That's right friends - I bought a 2025 calendar. And it took us 5 weeks to notice. The calendar was clearly advertised as a 2025 calendar online. The return window passed three days ago but Amazon is still processing the return.

The frustrating part is that I still have to physically return the item for my refund, I would let it go but $35 is worth it.

TL;DR: I bought an out of date calendar.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dry-Professional4255 on 2026-02-12 14:44:52+00:00.

This happened earlier this week and I’m still cringing. I was at a small store buying snacks when the cashier handed me my change. As I grabbed it, our fingers barely touched. Now, any normal person would just move on. Not me.

For some reason my brain short circuited and I panicked and said, Sorry! like I had just committed a crime. The cashier looked confused and said, It’s okay? And instead of stopping there, I doubled down.

I said, I just didn’t want it to be weird. WHY would I say that. Now it was weird.

He stared at me. I stared at him. There was a line forming behind me. I tried to laugh it off but it came out like a nervous goat noise.

To escape the situation, I grabbed my bag and confidently walked into the wrong door. It wasn’t the exit. It was the supply closet. I opened it. Made eye contact with a mop. Closed it slowly. Turned around to the entire line watching me.

Then I finally left. I can never go back there. That store belongs to them now.

TL;DR: Accidentally touched a cashier’s hand, tried to make it not weird, made it extremely weird and then walked into a closet.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Friendly_Hivemind on 2026-02-12 14:39:33+00:00.

I work in a medium-sized office. There's this guy, let's call him Dave.

Dave is the resident hobby guy.

Every Monday, Dave tells you about whatever he's into that week. Last month it was sourdough. Before that, mechanical keyboards. You know the type.

So last week Dave starts going on about fermentation. Kimchi, kombucha, the whole thing. I'm nodding along like I always do, giving the standard "oh wow that's cool" responses, when Dave hits me with "you don't actually care do you."

I felt bad. Dave's a good dude. He's just enthusiastic.

So I decided I'd actually learn about fermentation so I could have a real conversation with him. My roommate is kinda obsessed with learning something fast (think flashcards and beyond) so I basically tried some of the apps and techniques he was recommending.

I overdid it.

By Sunday night I had spent roughly 11 hours across two days learning about fermentation.

Not just kimchi and kombucha. I'm talking lactic acid fermentation at the molecular level. The history of fermented foods across civilizations. The gut microbiome. The difference between wild fermentation and controlled cultures.

I could explain the Maillard reaction and its relationship to fermented flavors. I knew about the 9,000-year-old Chinese fermented beverage found in Jiahu.

Monday morning I walk up to Dave's desk and casually mention that his kimchi method probably produces more histamine than a slow wild fermentation.

Dave stares at me. I keep going.

I explain that traditional Korean onggi pots regulate oxygen better than his mason jars, and that his fermentation timeline is probably off because he's not accounting for ambient temperature affecting lactobacillus growth rates.

Dave hasn't spoken to me in four days.

I out-Dave'd Dave.

I took his thing and became better at it in a weekend.

He won't even make eye contact in the kitchen. My other coworkers think I've lost my mind because I went from zero to fermentation professor overnight and won't explain how.

I tried to apologize yesterday. He said "it's fine" in the most not-fine voice I've ever heard. I think I genuinely hurt his feelings. He hasn't mentioned a hobby since.

I killed Hobby Dave. I'm the reason we can't have nice things.

TL;DR Coworker always talks about his hobbies, felt bad for not caring so I speed-learned his latest one. Knew too much. Intimidated him into silence. Office lost its most enthusiastic person and it's my fault.

Edit:

typos

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TheSimplestOfMan on 2026-02-11 20:42:28+00:00.

TW: Implied reference to School Shootings

This took place back in freshman year. (Around 14 years old)

I have autism, which doesn’t make me a dumb person or anything but sometimes makes me say or word things in an odd way. I got better now but that’s not the point.

To give some context In middle school I was a really big Animal Crossing fan and would play the basically every day, catching bugs, digging up fossils, and shaking trees. So naturally when a new game (New Horizons) was announced it was the most excited I have ever been for a game!

I would giggle and bug my family about it every day talking about how excited I was for it ,watching the trailers over and over again, and mentioning its release date, March 20 2020.

Around January I started even talking about it at school to students and teachers alike. But the thing is I said it in a bizarre manner.

In my math class at the start of class I would say “This many days till happiness” then would do a little exciting giggle.

Now naturally they would ask what I meant by that and then ask what the happiness was. I would then reply with “You will find out on the day it hits 0” or something along those lines.

My math teacher later asked my mom about it at parent teacher conferences kinda concerningly, to which she told her.

My mom then had a talk with me about it and when she told me I started to see how creepy it sounded and ended up feeling guilty.

On the bright side I think I ended up being one of my math teacher’s favorite students that year because of how cheerful I was, so yeah.

TLDR: ominously starting counting down the days to Animal Crossing New Horizons release date in class, refused to give detail and had the teacher concerningly ask my mom about it kinda worried.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/IMightJustQuit on 2026-02-12 06:49:46+00:00.

I was driving home when I noticed a car with a flat tire standing on the side of the road. I decided to pull over when I spotted an anxious looking woman standing next to the car. She was talking to someone on the phone. Based on her body language, it looked like she was explaining the situation. I got out of my car and asked if she needed help. She paused her phone conversation and said help was already on the way. I asked if she wanted me to hang around until help arrived because it was getting late and I didn't want to leave her stranded in the dark.

She looked conflicted, so she switched to speaking French as he asked the person on the other end of the call for advice on how to proceed. I understood what she was saying in French, but I chose not to reveal that in case it made her feel less comfortable to communicate freely on the phone. She switched back to English and asked if I was willing to help her change her flat tire. I nodded and rolled up my sleeves. We introduced ourselves and got to work. She opened her trunk. I grabbed the jack and the spare tire before getting on my knees and doing what needed to be done.

The French woman continued talking on the phone while I was busy. Always in French. She told me moments earlier that she was keeping her boyfriend updated, but from what I overheard, she was talking to her friend, not her boyfriend. I understood why she wanted a random stranger like me to believe she had a knight in shining armour to keep her company, so I didn't think about it too much. However, the conversation with her "boyfriend" became somewhat uncomfortable to listen to when she described what I looked like.

The French woman said I looked like I was still in my early 20s, which made me a fetus according to her, even though she must have been like, I dunno, mid 20s at least. I dressed like someone who played with skateboards and talked about anime all day. I appeared to be good with my hands, which was apparently a plus, but on second thought, she was like, maybe my hands were made for handjobs because I was built like a twink. Giggle giggle giggle. She playfully begged her friend to stop being a horny bitch because she was not gonna fuck some random guy for changing her tire. More giggling. She said I would totally be her type of she had enough alcohol in her system or if all her fuck buddies were somehow unavailable at the same time.

She eventually said goodbye to her "boyfriend" when I was done replacing her flat tire and thanked me in English. I asked if she could teach me how to say "you're welcome" in French, which she was happy to do. I thanked her for teaching me and said I couldn't wait to tell my twink bf that the next time I give him a handjob. It was hands down the ballsiest thing I've ever said to someone I didn't know, so I walked away as soon as I said what I said and never looked back. It came from a place or frustration. Sorry not sorry.

Tl:dr Overheard a woman talk shit about me in French to someone on the phone while I was changing the flat tire of her car. I never said I understood French because it didn't seem appropriate at the time, but I later regretted it because she had no fucking filter in French.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/A-Croissant on 2026-02-11 20:40:42+00:00.

I’ve been constipated for one and a half weeks after taking some strong painkillers.

Instead of taking prescription laxatives, today I decided to try my home remedy laxatives which is basically chugging one after the other a pint of prune juice , then a pint of orange juice then a can of monster energy and then a Yakult of health.

The second I finished downing all of this, I needed to go and I finally moved the beast.HOWEVER the party mix shouldn’t work this quickly so now I’m going to drink a fuck tonne of water and stay up all night cleaning my guts out.

At least if I need an emergency colonoscopy at any point tomorrow I’ll be squeaky clean.

TL;DR: I took my homemade laxative to early and now my bright red butthole squeaks when I run to the toilet

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/We_Will_AlI_Die on 2026-02-12 03:01:47+00:00.

I recently got employed at a pizza place in my town. I started earlier today, went through the computer training system, and cut some pizzas. I was there for about 5 hours, nearly until the end of my first shift and closing, when the assistant manager pulled me aside and revealed that I wasn’t actually employed yet.

They had only just realized that, due to the lack of the manager, I never actually signed any of the paperwork to legally employ me at the location. As I am a minor, I had essentially provided a business with free child labor. I got sent home early and will call the manager in the morning to sort this whole thing out, get the paperwork signed, and hopefully still get paid for my first day.

TL;DR: Provided a local pizza joint with 5 hours of free child labor because I forgot to get any paperwork signed.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/mystichead on 2026-02-11 23:10:34+00:00.

So for context, I help take care of my grandfather. He is basically in a palliative care situation now because of his heart and lungs, so anything involving movement takes effort and time. When he needs to use the bathroom, I have to help him from his sofa chair onto a wheelchair, take him to the bathroom, help him onto the toilet, hold him up so he can wipe, help him get dressed again, clean his hands, get him back onto the wheelchair, then back to the sofa chair and wait with him until he can catch his breath and settle down again.

We have an analog bell system around the house so he can call me if it is urgent.

Today I was in a client Teams working session with about 25 to 30 engineers. Thankfully it was one of those discussion meetings where I mostly just needed to listen and occasionally speak.

I had not eaten all day, so I was on mute finishing a massive wrap while listening in. The moment I finished the last bite, the bell starts ringing repeatedly.

That means urgent.

So I step away to help him while still listening to the meeting. My headset has a physical mic that mutes when flipped up and unmutes when it drops down. This becomes important.

Usually the wiping stage is slightly stressful but uneventful.

Not this time.

Out of nowhere he lets out an absolutely thunderous fart that continued for a few seconds. It startled both of us enough the second it startedthat I moved suddenly and the mic dropped down for maybe half a second.

Just long enough for it to go live to the entire call.

There was a pause. Complete silence. About thirty engineers collectively trying to process what they just heard.

Then one of the female client engineers giggled, a few people laughed, and the meeting just carried on like nothing happened.

A couple teammates messaged me afterward asking if that was my mic. I did not elaborate.

Caregiving is hard, but sometimes the timing is objectively funny.

TL;DR: Helped my grandfather to the bathroom during a Teams meeting, accidentally unmuted my mic for half a second at the exact moment he let out a very loud fart, and about thirty engineers heard it before we all pretended nothing happened.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/velvetchartreuse on 2026-02-11 22:24:27+00:00.

This wasn't today but happened a while back.

I used to live in a house in the suburbs close to some agricultural and industrial land. My house had the largest backyard out of the neighborhood and the house sat on a corner in the neighborhood. Outside of the neighborhood theres an access road that has a railroad and a huge empty field. You could use it to hop my neighbors fence and then you could hop into my backyard.

In the backyard you could see the city but the biggest thing you could see was the water tower. It was right outside my neighborhood.

One night after getting home from a festival I was smoking weed (weed wasn't legal yet) and had this green laser. It was a high powered laser that could pin point, kolidescope, or diffuse through the lense to cover more area with light. I was really into them at the time and had different colors. The purple ones were my favorite.

As I was fidgeting with it in the backyard I aimed the laser to the water tower. The entire water tower lit up green for a few moments and I finished my joint. I went back inside for some munchies, high as hell, unaware of what would transpire.

I knew at the time that it was illegal to point a laser at a plane. Why anyone would do that anyway is beyond me.

Well I didn't break any "laser" laws, but it didn't stop several police officers from showing up at the house. They were asking my granddad who is an airforce veteran if he knew who was pointing the laser at the water tower. Meanwhile I am in the hallway with my sandwhich, chips, and soda out of view from the kitchen or the front of the house hearing this go down, worried I am about to get into some deep shit not because of the laser but because I had weed on me.

My granddad kindly told them to fuck off and get off the property.

Yeah, I could have gotten busted which is really the TIFU part but after that I stopped using my lasers in my backyard.

My granddad had my back and I fucking love him for it.

TLDR: I lit up a water tower with a green laser while smoking a joint and the cops showed up trying to find me. Granddad told them to fuck off and get off the property saving me from having to face the police while high.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cut-Unique on 2026-02-11 21:25:39+00:00.

This happened in the final few weeks of my senior year of high school when I was 19.

For some background, I am diagnosed as autistic, and had an EXTREMELY rough time in school. It was absolute hell, and I used whatever excuses I could to stay home. Slightly sore throat? Stay home. Mild stomachache? Stay home. Arm/leg hurting? Stay home. You get the picture. During my freshman year of high school, I missed so much school that I just narrowly avoided losing credits.

For my sophomore year, I transferred to a small continuation school, which I attended for the remainder of high school. This was where I needed to be. The classes were small, and the teachers were really chill. Most of them allowed us refer to them by their first names as opposed to Mr./Ms. [last name] because they wanted to be seen as mentors as opposed to strict disciplinarians. They mainly wanted to ensure the kids graduated, got help for any substance abuse issues, and stayed out of trouble with the law. That being said, there were plenty of times where the police had to be called if there was a fight or something.

My attendance improved greatly during this time, and by my senior year I was a model student. I was chosen to give the speech at the graduation ceremony. I never got in trouble. I was the quiet, slightly awkward metalhead. I had long hair, a scruffy face, and wore black most of the time. I no doubt looked like the type of guy who would do drugs, but I didn't.

So, one day, in either late May or early June, I woke up with a sore throat. I wasn't sure if I was getting sick or if I would feel better as the day went on. Now, if this happened when I was younger, I definitely would have stayed home, but since I was so close to graduating and being free from the obligation to attend school, I decided to go.

As the day went on, I felt increasingly tired and achy. After finishing my assignment, I asked my teacher's aide (the teacher was out of the room) if I could step outside and get some fresh air. She said "Sure, go ahead." There was a trail near the school where I would occasionally walk and there were benches at regular intervals along the trail. So I decided to walk a little way down the trail to the nearest bench, stay there for maybe five minutes, and then go back to class.

I was so achy that I had to lie down on the bench on my stomach, and ended up falling asleep with my arm dangling down off the bench. About half an hour later, I was woken up by someone tugging on my arm and a guy's voice saying "What's up man? It's the po-pos!" I opened my eyes and saw two cops standing over me, and I was like, oh shit! The cop said "One of the neighbors called us because they thought you had ODed on something, so we wanted to make sure you were okay." I'm pretty sure there was a wet spot on the bench because I was drooling. I explained to them that I was a student at [school's name], and I wasn't feeling well so I decided to take a walk, but I wasn't on any drugs. I was expecting them to not believe me, but they were cool about it. I walked with them back to the school.

Immediately when I walked through the front gate, I saw that there was a huge commotion because there had been a report that a student was found on the trail and had possibly ODed. There was a police car, and I saw that there was another cop talking to the principal, likely asking if the person they found matched the description of one of their students. When they saw that it was me, everybody was like "Oh my god, it's [my name]! He never gets in trouble!" They were of course relieved to know that I was okay, albeit not feeling well. My mom was called, and I went home. I actually was pretty sick, and was out for the rest of the week. Needless to say, I probably should have stayed home that day.

Was my teacher angry? No! He thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. He even joked that since I was selected to give the speech at the graduation, they should have put a picture of me in the back of the police car in the graduation slide show (I actually wasn't driven back to school in a police car since it was a very short walk). My teacher was a really chill dude. My friends and I would periodically visit the class for a few years afterwards until he retired, and every single time we visited, he made me tell the story. That's how funny he thought it was, and after the initial scare wore off, I thought it was funny too. So do my parents.

Things easily could have turned out very differently, but thankfully they didn't.

TL;DR: I was at school and wasn't feeling well, so I asked my teacher's aide if I could step outside and get some fresh air. I went to a hiking trail, fell asleep on a bench, and was woken up by the cops because they thought I had ODed.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/EatingSourEggs on 2026-02-11 19:04:06+00:00.

My wife Marge 29F and I 31M have a 5 month old daughter Maggie (names changed for privacy). I am currently working at a office located only 7 minutes from home, and often come home for lunch so I can spend more time with our daughter.

Yesterday, I was eating my lunch and Marge offers me a jello cup, which gave me a brilliant idea. I asked Marge for a straw, to which my wife rolled her eyes (she knew what was coming) but obliged and grabbed me a straw out of the pantry.

I grab the straw and start sucking Jello out of the cup using the straw as a way to make Maggie laugh. It worked, maybe a little too well, because Maggie was laughing the cutest hysterical baby laugh I had ever heard.

I sucked up one more line of jello out of the cup, and her laugh made me laugh just as I sucked the jello up and the jello went back out the wrong way: my nose.

I immediately knew I fucked up. I felt the globs of jello stuck in my nasal cavity, and it was burning like crazy. I started coughing uncontrollably, and Marge thought I was chocking so she started hitting my back as I trying to fully grasp what happened.

I told her the jello was in my nose, so Marge hands me a tissue and I tried blowing my nose to get the jello out, but the pain was not going away. Then, my sinuses started swelling. The area around my nose swoll up so much I looked like a chipmunk. On top of that, when I speak I sound extremely congested.

This was a major issue because I was set to give a presentation to new clients when come back from my lunch break, and these clients are HUGE for our company.

I called my boss and explained to him what happened, and if he still wanted me to give the presentation. He told me he would get my colleague to take care of it, and that I should probably get that checked out because I sounded like a different person when talking to him.

I stayed home, as I really hate doctors, and took some ibuprofen to try and get the swelling to go down in my face. Unfortunately, it did not.

I got a text later that night from the colleague who had to give the presentation telling me I was an idiot, and the presentation did NOT go as well as they wanted. She said she didn't know as much information regarding this client as I did and made her and our company look bad in front of senior management and our new clients.

This morning I woke up and the swelling has spread across my face and I have a severe headache. Right now, I am begrudgingly sitting in the urgent care lobby waiting for a doctor to see me.

TL;DR Went home on my lunch break, and tried making my daughter laugh by sucking jello up through a straw. Jello went out my nose instead and now my sinuses and face are swollen. I was supposed to give a presentation at work, but, because my face is swollen, got reassigned to a colleague who said it didn't go well and now blames me.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MrGoldenMineTurtle on 2026-02-11 16:51:38+00:00.

Its the day after this happened, and Ive been told by friends to share this here to give more people the same laughs they had when sharing this story.

Bare with me because english isnt my first language.

I work at a food warehouse, in the boss and assistant manager's office where I go to collect order papers there usually is a jar that has snacks in it that are up for grabs for anyone at any moment. Usually ranging from cookies to chocolates, and candy to meaty snacks. This time, there was an open bucket of individually wrapped, single packaged stroopwaffles (Dutch cookie, if you dont know them look 'em up you're missing out). Which was on the surface nothing odd since ive seen weirder things be up for grabs there, with the office being empty with no signs or lables to hands off. Me and a few colleagues grabbed a couple, and went on our way, eating them on our breaks, or me eating it during the shift and drive on the forklift, thinking nothing of it in the moment.

An hour later, barely an hour before I leave, I enter the office and the bucket was gone which at the time was quite surprising so I asked my boss about it.

"What happened to that bucket of stroopwaffles? I swore there was one right here" was a question my boss answered immediately, by almost cutting me off, saying

"They were edibles. We confiscated them from a chauffeur as he ate them during his drive."

Note that weed is legal in the Netherlands but companies can have their own policies surrounding this, like this one that had a 0 tolerance for drinking or using substances on the job. But this news shocked me, as my sweet toothed mouth has had 4 of them and had no idea when I was soon going to be dazed out of my fucking mind.

I didnt tell my boss that I or others had eaten a few, and went on with the rest of my shift as I slowly grew more and more hazy and chucklish. Feeling that its too dangerous to drive the forklift and I felt too dumbfounded to grab orders i clocked out 15 minutes before my shift was actually over as I still needed to drag my ass through a gym session I had planned with a buddy and too stubborn to call off, at which I was completely out of it.

Slumping my ass through our weight lifting routine as he did everything in his power to make fun of my unfortunate situation vocally while still being a good help as a spotter, wobbled left and right barely capable to walk straight on the treadmill and unable to keep a straight face throughout all of it as anything made my dazed state of being laugh at this point.

He drove me home after, being too fucked to drive proper and when I eventually did get home I showered, made myself a grilled cheese with ham n bacon, and crashed into bed with an unfortunately hilarious story to share.

Additionally, that bucket was on the desk for quite some time so I dont know if im the only one that had grabbed a few unknowingly of the contents within. Ive asked the colleagues that I knew had some stroopwaffles and they mentioned:

1. Had slept like an absolute brick the night after, having the same hours as me did he end his shift shortly after me
2. Fell asleep during his break and had been driven home by a colleague as he was too far gone to drive.

And 3, the chauffeur himself. Got fired.

The rest of us didnt get any trouble after as the boss was at fault of leaving confiscated edibles on the table with employees used to there being snacks for anyone to grab without any notice.

TL:DR:

Got high off of a colleague's confiscated supply, got high over time at work, had the time of my life at the gym and slept like a brick.

i didnt get in trouble

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ChaosofaMadHatter on 2026-02-11 15:46:30+00:00.

So due to in a large part overreaction by my therapist at the time (she admitted this) I ended up in a mental health ER hold to get evaluated by the psych team there. If you’ve never been, they take absolutely everything of yours down to your underwear, and you sit in a sanitary waiting room by yourself until they have time for the different people to come screen you.

Now because I knew it was an overreaction, I was just pissed. I had work to be at that I was missing, I was tired from the stress of everything, and I was bored out of my mind because I couldn’t even have my phone. So I spent about four hours glaring at a wall being grumpy and irritable. Finally get evaluated by the social worker, she gives the all clear right away, psych comes in about an hour or so later and goes to write their report, and it’s getting to lunch time.

Now I have issues with gluten. Me eating gluten is a bad time for me and everyone near me. It might be celiac, it might be something else, the doctor I saw called it “pre-celiac” but the point is, I stick to a gluten free diet as much as I can. When I checked in, I got the nice little allergy band and a note on my chart saying no gluten.

The nurse comes in and offers me a lunch tray with chicken tenders and fries. My brain blanks. “Is it… safe for me to eat?”

And she gives me the side eye, and is like, “Yes, the food is perfectly safe.”

My brain catches up, “So it’s gluten free?”

“Oh! No, it is not gluten free! Let me go see what they have.”

And I realized she thought I was asking if it was poisoned because, well, I’m in a fucking mental hospital.

Thankfully it all ended up being moot because they talked to my treating psych and I was able to leave and go get my own very much safe food.

TLDR; forgot the words “gluten free” accidentally asked if the food was “safe” at a mental health hospital and nearly had some marks against me getting released in a timely manner.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/JourneyTowardsTruth on 2026-02-11 15:16:15+00:00.

I went to a mall recently to avoid peak-hour traffic. I knew I’d be stuck on the road for at least an hour anyway, so I thought I’d rather be stuck inside a mall than melting in my car.

Parked in the basement. Spot was a few feet away from the lift. Thought, Easy. I’ll remember this. Came back after spending sometime in the mall, stepped into the parking area… no car. “Wrong level,” I told myself. So I tried another level. Then another. This mall has way too many basements and they all look identical.. same pillars, same lighting, same “where the hell am I” vibe.

I gave up on the lift and started walking up and down the ramps like I was training for some underground marathon. At one point I’m pretty sure I walked in a full circle and ended up exactly where I started. Almost an hour later, tired, hungry, mildly questioning my intelligence I finally found a security guy who knew the layout. Turns out I’d parked on B1 but convinced myself it was B2 and spent 45 minutes searching everywhere except the right floor. We found the car in two minutes.

Finally Felt relief but super embarrassed. Ended up laughing at myself but next time I’m taking a photo of the pillar number.

And at that moment, a quote I’d read a while ago popped into my head: If you learn to laugh at your own stupidity, all the rubbish in you will turn into manure very fast. And manure is good for growth.

TL;DR: Avoided traffic by going to the mall, confidently remembered the wrong parking level, and spent 45 minutes searching for my car on every floor except the right one.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/icebong427 on 2026-02-11 08:55:19+00:00.

this takes place February 8th

So this place is walking distance from my house, so I thought I’d try it, my appointment was supposed to be 4:00 PM, I get a text, 3:30 PM, no explanation, okay, cool.

I get there, sit down, wait 20+ minutes before anything happens, assistant walks in, doesn’t say hi, barely speaks English, and immediately tries to push x-rays and an exam, I only wanted a cleaning, k.

Before scaling, she confidently tells me my insurance covers 75%, I know it’s 85%, so I ask, “Isn’t it 85%?” Front desk person magically corrects it the second I question it, how do you confidently quote 75% when it’s wrong? My gut says they were testing me to get extra money, front desk was literally hovering behind the assistant, smoking gun, they knew the real number all along.

Scaling with Dr. Lee? Fine, polishing with assistant? Nightmare, device kept hitting my teeth, uneven, painful, water everywhere, she wore a mask and gloves but only normal prescription glasses, not proper side-protective gear, unsafe, unprofessional, anxiety maxed.

Fluoride rinse shows up, $40 extra, no explanation, insurance covers 85%, but still, customer should know the cost, they just said, “Rinse your mouth,” k, thanks.

Go to pay, tip screen pops up, at a dentist, 10%, 15%, 20%, my jaw hits the floor, who does this.

Individually, each thing might not be huge, but combined, lowballing insurance coverage, pushing extras I didn’t ask for, polishing disaster, fluoride sneaky charge, unsafe PPE, tipping request,

Major Update 2 days later thought it couldn’t get worse, appointment was at 3:30 PM, seated 3:35 PM, wait 20 minutes, active work (scaling and polishing) starts 3:55 PM, TD Bank receipt proves I paid and left 4:24 PM, total treatment, 29 minutes.

Clinic billed insurance for 5 units of labor, 4 scaling, 1 polish, 61–75 minutes required, they billed 75 minutes, I was literally in the chair for 29 minutes, upcoding 46 minutes that never happened

I had no idea scaling was in 15 minute units, paid $350 for 4 scaling units, $77 for polishing, bro complete insanity, cameras exist, they can see dr lee entered at 3:55 PM, Dr. Lee left around 4:10, polishing around 10minutes

After investigation, I learned they overcharged me 2 days later, filed complaint to dental overlord, talking to insurance about fraud tomorrow, you will not get away with this demonic behavior.

Name of the place is Falconridge Dental NE Calgary Alberta, you can see my google review they deserve to be named and shamed.

TL;DR, appointment moved without notice, waited 20+ minutes, assistant tried to upsell, lied about insurance, polishing was painful and unsafe, fluoride surprise, tip request, clinic billed 46 minutes of work I never had, absolute chaos.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/schoolforapples on 2026-02-10 22:36:26+00:00.

I was going to fry some stuff for dinner but I was busy so I left to do some quick stuff while the oil was heating up (it was on medium high heat).

Got completely distracted and forgot about it for, what I think was, almost 30 min. When I suddenly remember leaving the heat on I go running towards the kitchen. The moment I see the kitchen door I know I majorly fucked up because I can only see red light coming through the door's crystal screen.

Open the door, oh what do I see? Huge ass flame coming from the pot and so much fucking smoke. I completely freeze and all I can do is scream fire and try to warn my mom whose also home.

Thank god my mother was with me because if it had just been me I would have done nothing but panic and let the fire burn and consume.

She managed to put out the fire and, somehow, the kitchen wasn't really all that damaged. Thank god for modern kitchens and their fire insulation.

I feel horrible. First of all for leaving oil unattended, never leaving the kitchen again while I cook... Ever ever ever again. And second of all for no knowing what to do, all I did was stand there and panic. Also, how stupid can I be that I didn't even know how to properly work a fire extinguisher. I had one in my hands and I couldn't figure it out.

TL;DR: TIFU by leaving a pot full of oil burning unattended on high heat for almost 30 min and not knowing how to act or how to use a fire extinguisher. Everything was fine in the end, fire was put out quickly and not much was damaged.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/jitterfish on 2026-02-10 21:48:32+00:00.

Oh reddit, I'm so mortified! I'm at work hiding in my office with my brain replaying the interaction. I know this is one of those moments that every so often my brain is going to throw at me... Remember when you accidentally kissed that guy on the lips?

Background: I'm a university lecturer and part of my role is outreach, going into communities or having school groups come to campus. I'm currently part of a team running a program targeting Māori students in hopes of encouraging more Māori to enter STEM. Over the past few weeks I've met with various teachers and parents, and I had another meeting this morning.

I arrived, met the teacher who I already knew and then went to meet some other people. Now for those unfamiliar with Māori culture we have a greeting called a hongi, where you press your nose against the nose of the person you're greeting. But since covid less people do it with strangers. As a female a cheek kiss has become more common and that's what I have been doing along with hand shakes depending on the person and their body language.

I walk in the room and there is an older guy, I greet him and he leans so I read this as no hand shake but a cheek kiss. I go in and as I'm moving my head he's closing his eyes coming in for a hongi and I end up kissing him on the mouth. He pulls back startled, I say nothing because I'm frozen going omg. I just walked over to where some other people were sitting and did a really awkward group hello. The older gent turned out to be the principal of the school and when I went to leave he actually took a step back as we were saying goodbye.

TL;DR I accidentally kissed a school principal on the mouth when attempting a cheek kiss.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/omgomgyouguys_ on 2026-02-10 14:35:56+00:00.

Obligatory throwaway account.

This is all just… a huge mess. I (17F) am a part of a large friend group, containing my best friends and a mutual (17F) I don’t know all that well, along with several boys. 

For Valentines day, my school has a stand available where you can buy roses or cookies for people and they’ll deliver it for you. You can offer to send them anonymously, with a note, with initials or your full name. There’s a guy in our friend group (17M) who I think it’s cute. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him, but sort of ‘if he asked me out, I’d say yes’ kind of vibe. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to send him a cookie, anonymously, just as a little treat. 

To my shock and horror, as I later realised, the student council would be handling all cookie and rose delivery, meaning they would see everything. And our mutual friend is on the student council. The cookies aren't supposed to be delivered for another week at this point, and it’s too late to turn back, so I just let it go, hoping she won’t have the misfortune of seeing what I wrote. 

Just my luck, while we’re all hanging out, she mentions that she’s seen EVER. SINGLE. FORM. filled out for Valentines day. Obviously I panic, asking her “Every single one?” She nods, and in the least discreet way possible, whispers to me “So, you like [insert crush’s name]?”

My best friend (who I also hadn’t told) and a girl I barely know are close enough to hear this, so I made up an excuse, saying it was a dare. And they believe it, thank the lord. Because honestly, I didn’t want him finding out, because my crush on him was so unserious, it wasn’t worth losing a friendship over. 

Now we come to last Thursday, when all the roses and cookies were given out. I wasn’t in his class when he received it, and nobody mentioned it afterwards. So, I assumed we were in the clear. Despite the mutual being a bit of a pick me, the fact that she had tried to whisper about my ‘crush’ made me feel a bit better about the fact that she probably wouldn’t tell him. 

Friday comes and I don’t see him most of the day. No big deal, we have different classes. I don’t really have any reason to assume: A) He knows or B) He’s ignoring me. The fact that no one mentioned it makes me assume everything is fine. 

I do notice, however, that he’s lost our 230 day streak on snapchat. Whatever, maybe he’s just been busy. 

But by the time Sunday rolls around and he hasn’t even opened my snaps in days, it suddenly clicks for me that he is most likely ignoring me. And he started ghosting me Thursday after the cookies went out. The only logical conclusion I can come to is that he knows, and now he’s trying to distance himself from me. 

Honestly, when I first realised, I was feeling pretty hurt and angry at myself. This stupid cookie was absolutely not worth losing a perfectly good friendship over, especially a crush that wasn’t even that strong. I genuinely just thought he was kind of cute.  I’m not going to see him in person for two weeks now, so now I have two weeks to spiral about this. Guess the lesson is that nothing is ever actually anonymous, huh? 

TL;DR: I sent my crush a cookie, he probably found out it was me who sent it and is now ignoring me.