The Onion

In this article, The Onion brings you testimonials from various Boeing staff at all levels of operation.

OTTAWA – Right wing pundit and columnist Hank Vrinden has entered into the increasingly heated conversation among conservative activists and commentators about the breakdown of traditional family values, in a recent column decrying the rising divorce rate in his house.

“Marriage is the bedrock of society,” Vrinden wrote, “but despite all this, a staggering 50% of the people I live with are deciding to initiate marital separation.”

Snippet:

CALGARY – Local man Peter Johnson claims he was rejected from a job he applied for because he has a dick, when sources confirm that he is, in fact, simply a dick.

“They’re discriminating against me for being a man,” says complainant Peter Johnson, high-fiving several cops as he walked down the street carrying an open beer and cat-calling multiple women. “As we all know, the most discriminated against people on the planet are cishet white men. Google it, but only look at the results from 4chan.”