The Onion

In a stunning display of comedic ineptitude, a local child has been found to be exceptionally bad at improv during his playtime with friends. The seven year old child, whose name has been withheld to protect his identity, has been reported to consistently fail at the fundamental concept of “yes, and,” leaving his playmates frustrated and bored.

According to sources close to the child, he has a habit of blocking instead of engaging in the collaborative back-and-forth that defines good improv. “He always says things like, ‘No, I don’t want to go to the zoo’ or ‘I’m not a pirate,'” expressed a frustrated playmate. “It’s like, come on, we’re pretending here! Can’t you use your imagination and go along with it?!”

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If only...

If only...

There’s a up-and-coming political star that is making waves on the local level, 5-year-old Jerry Manders from Chicago, Illinois, has been identified as a lying prodigy with a skill set so advanced that he is already being hailed as a future star in American politics.

“Yes, I did my homework last night,” Jerry fibbed to his kindergarten teacher earlier this week, not knowing that this precise moment would set him on a path to future public office. Jerry, who had instead spent the prior evening watching toy unboxing videos, showcased a remarkable aptitude for deflecting blame, disarming his opponents with confusing rhetoric, and a natural talent for lying constantly—all foundational skills in the political arena.

https://tattletaletimes.com/index.php/2023/09/01/jerry-manders-5-year-old-prodigy-liar-already-hailed-as-future-political-star/