The Onion

6567 readers
590 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
seahorse@midwest.social
pbrisgreat@midwest.social
listing: all - local
451
785
Billionaire known for stealing people’s ideas debuts totally new, original salute (www.thebeaverton.com)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
28 comments fedilink
452
207
Trump signs executive order to provide all men with podcasts mics – The Chaser (chaser.com.au)
submitted 7 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
453
858
Journalist does everything possible to avoid calling this what it clearly is (chaser.com.au)
submitted 7 months ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
65 comments fedilink
454
400
TikTok Ban Lasts Slightly Longer Than Average User’s Attention Span (hard-drive.net)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
6 comments fedilink
455
257
Felon Seen Trying to Enter White House (theshovel.com.au)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
456
537
Elon Musk Holds Up AI Girlfriend App So She Can See (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
22 comments fedilink
457
406
JD Vance Sworn In On Stack Of Printed 4chan Greentexts (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
458
47
'Midwest' Discovered Between East, West Coasts (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by m3t00@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
 
 

459
696
Naive Man Puts Money Into 401(k) as if Future Exists (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 7 months ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
73 comments fedilink
460
83
Zuckerberg Calls Bathroom Breaks 'Virtue Signaling,' Installs VR Toilets (isglitch.com)
submitted 7 months ago by EtAl_isGitch@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
 
 

Meta's new "Always-On" policy aims to eliminate wasteful trips to actual restrooms

461
716
Nestlé Scrambles to Bottle LA’s Remaining Water Before Firefighters Give It All Away for Free | The Needling (theneedling.com)
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
10 comments fedilink
462
340
Every Book on Elon Musk's Shelf Just False Lever That Reveals Yet Another Katana Room (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@feddit.org to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
463
266
IDF Soldier Haunted By Images of Palestinian Children Playing in Town Square (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
3 comments fedilink
464
36
Pros And Cons Of Buying Greenland (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by BevelGear@beehaw.org to c/theonion@midwest.social
0 comments fedilink
 
 

President-elect Donald Trump has expressed his interest in buying Greenland, an idea he first floated back in 2019. The Onion examines the pros and cons of the U.S. acquiring the country.

PRO: New Indigenous people to wrong

CON: Feels immoral to do anything that makes the Danes richer

PRO: Would increase domestic supply of ice caps to melt

CON: Full of foreigners

PRO: Would make Alaska jealous

CON: The Great American Melting Pot is still adjusting to the Scots-Irish

PRO: Can finally sate America’s appetite for pickled fish

CON: 51 stars is a little gaudy, don’t you think?

PRO: Immigrant camps have to go somewhere

CON: Vacation to Greenland no longer considered exotic

PRO: USA! USA! USA!

CON: Björk from Iceland

465
13
Don't Worry, this Will Mever Happen Again (youtu.be)
submitted 7 months ago by paraphrand@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social
2 comments fedilink
 
 

Everything is going to be all right.

466
446
LAPD Arrests Everyone Who Lost Home In Fire (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
14 comments fedilink
467
320
NYPD Unveils AI Surveillance Program to Help Them Arrest Wrong Guy 70% Faster (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
5 comments fedilink
468
527
REPORT: Insurance to Stop Covering Things That Could Potentially Happen (reductress.com)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
26 comments fedilink
469
183
‘You are really shit at cooking’ insists smoke alarm (newsthump.com)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
1 comments fedilink
470
72
Target Losing Market Share As More Americans Opt To Forgo All Earthly Possessions (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
4 comments fedilink
471
732
Greenland renames itself "Russia" to avoid hostilities from Trump Government (chaser.com.au)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
16 comments fedilink
472
422
JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/theonion@midwest.social
25 comments fedilink
473
394
TikTok users excited to hear Americans will be banned from the app (chaser.com.au)
submitted 7 months ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
14 comments fedilink
474
412
“Companies need more masculine energy” says CEO lacking ‘human energy’ (chaser.com.au)
submitted 7 months ago by Garibaldee@lemm.ee to c/theonion@midwest.social
13 comments fedilink
475
200
Distressing Survey Finds Most U.S. Citizens Unable To Name All 340 Million Americans (theonion.com)
submitted 7 months ago by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social
8 comments fedilink
view more: ‹ prev next ›