The Onion

Revolutionary technology creates cars that exist only on government rebate forms

"The truth is, if Americans just had proper access to lightweight cosmetic products capable of hiding blemishes, eliminating uneven skin tone, and highlighting natural complexion, measles could be eradicated.”

“With the near trillion dollar sell-off on the Nasdaq alone earlier yesterday, the rapid devaluing of assets has allowed the American public unparalleled access to cheap stocks and shares on the market.”

Economic spokesman for the White House, Chuck Williams, claimed, “People use words like slump, looming economic depression, lowest recorded IQ of any president ever, as though they’re bad things.

I guess it's about time for @theonion to call it quits. They can't compete any more.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-admin-slammed-as-stupidest-ever-after-linking-wwii-jet-enola-gay-to-dei/_n/_67cb1032e4b05512c9048b11

#TheOnion #Huffpost #Satire #is #dead #News #USA #Morons #DEI #LGBTQ #Planes #America #Military #Veterans #Enolagay #Gay #Trump #Hegseth @theonion @nottheonion

Robert Jenrick, the shadow minister for racism called yesterday for an inquiry.

He was told that there had already been an inquiry and that the results of the inquiry were available

Mr Kendrick, however, disputed the results of the inquiry, claiming the whole process must be flawed.

“There is no way this inquiry was carried out with rigour and high-standards I would expect because if it had been then it would have found that brown people were to blame.”

However, experts believe that the reason the inquiry didn’t find that brown people were to blame was because that brown people weren’t to blame.

Mr Jenrick disputed that assertion.

“Nonsense. If we had another inquiry then I’m certain that it would find that brown people were to blame and if it didn’t then we should have a further inquiry.”

Frankly, I think the only sensible thing to do is to hold as many inquiries as is necessary before brown people are found to be to blame.

Kemi Badenoch, the Tory leader for the next couple of days, was unable to comment as she’d got herself stuck in a revolving door.

I think this is a serious article folks. Can any Polish people here confirm?

https://theonion.com/vice-precedent/

Vladimir Putin has been crowned the Best Director of a Foreign Country at this year’s Academy Awards after helming the political-comedy ‘The United States of America’.