OC Poetry

「I want to talk, but you'd prefer my silence」

I've always desired this connection
I never wanted to face rejection

Feelin' alone in this land
Always holding my hand
Too afraid for solo exploration
Always obeying your every command

Tell me, mother: was my existence part of your plan?
All this noise, so hard for me to stand
Have you ever tried to stand...
in my shoes; To understand?

So long ago, not sure if I still remember
I can barely remember the motherland

Crossing this intersection
Always dreamed of going on my own direction
This isn't a treasonous defection
I just have a fundamental objection

In the past, you've always shown affection
Everything you did, 'said was for my own protection
Under control by your emotional infection
Am I just another one of your possessions?

I'm afraid the status quo of this silence remain
I'm afraid there is more to lose than there's to gain
I just don't want you to misunderstand
You can pretend I'll still the obedient child holding your hand

Footnote: Yes my mother actually used to hold my hand when I was like around 8 years old all the way toll I was 12... and sometimes even after, its not just a metaphor, it's literal. (But also metaphorical at the same time)

I'm not sure if that was supposed to be her way of expressing "maternal love" or just weirdly obsessive and controlling... 🤔 she said she "just want to make sure I'm safe"... eh... idk... maybe she does care? maybe? I'm not even sure anymore...

Note: You are supposed to feel confused when seeing the Chinese Characters, don't worry about it, just read the English parts until the footnotes, then you can go back and re-read with the translation. Like pretend I'm talking to my parents in my native language, and you're just standing right there, confused. Then you get the translation later and the truth of what actually happened gets revealed.

「Harmonious Family 救命¹」

It's an average afternoon
We are a united family
Under the night moon
We live together happily

Another morning
We say "see you again"¹⁴
My heart is raining
Can't disapoint you again

Another day, another day
We've come from faraway
It's been a long way
Not sure if we're still okay

Supposed to be a normal day
Beautiful lands, under the sun rays
I was just a kid, just wanna play
Just by the New York Bay

**“你而家即刻落來！”**²
Yes everything is fine at home
**“我數到三”**³
Please just leave me alone
**“你如果唔落來，後果自負!”**⁴
They say: "You are not alone"
**“一。。。二。。。”**⁵
I know the truth... that I'm on my own
**“三！”**⁶

Mother, I love you
唔好打我啦⁷
I grateful for you
protected me when I needed you the most
放過我啦，原諒我啦⁸
I'm content with this place
nothing can go wrong
點解乜嘢都係我錯？我前世究竟犯過乜錯？⁹
What a beautiful East Coast
呢鬼地方，邊個都信唔過。¹⁰

My room, my realm
Everything is fine here
**“我哋離婚啦，細路自生自滅，我冇眼睇啦！”**¹¹
A lot of chatter is happening downstair
I'm fine, I won't get overwhelmed
**“一個二個都冇鬼用！”**¹²
I'm not lost, I'm calm
I'm in control, I'm in the helm
**“你哋冇咗我，餓死街頭！”**¹³

Another day, another day
Are we still going the right way?
Another day, another day
Are we are still doing okay?

I still remember my mother
I used to be happy with her
A relationship that withers
Don't want this to be over

Oh please, don't tell me
that there are people out there that "care"
This burden is bigger than you can bear
It's not like y'all ever understand
The dark truth that happens in a home
It's so hard to withstand
I don't wanna find another home

I know this is not right
But this isn't the time to fight
Can't let the authorities know
I just wanna maintain status-quo
I don't wanna report it
Don't want us to get separated
I can't just report it
Don't want us to get deported

We are a united family
We live together happily
No matter if it's a tragedy
This is just my reality

² "COME DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW!" ³ "I WILL COUNT TO THREE"
⁴ "IF YOU DON'T, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!"
⁵ "1... 2..."
⁶ "3!"
⁷ Mom, please don't hit me
⁸ Please let me go, Please forgive me
⁹ Why is everything "my fault"? What did I do in my past life to deserve this?
¹⁰ This foreign place, I can't trust anyone here
¹¹ "We [parents] are going to get divorced, the kids can die by themselves, I don't care anymore!" [Said by mom] ¹² "Both of you [me and my older brother] are useless!" ¹³ "Without me, you both will starve to death!"

¹ "Help Me" (The incorrect translation of "Harmonious Family" is intentional, it shows the difference between what an outsider sees and what is reality)

¹⁴ (bye = 再見 = literally meaning "see you again")

「The Falling Stars」

A land east of the pacific
Crossing the oceans slow and steady
Land that spans towards the atlantic
Leaving everything behind, not sure if ready

They say this land is for the freed
They say this land is full of liberty
That it doesn't discriminate by ethnicity
That it is a unifying creed

"Back home", is a place I no longer belong
No longer welcomed, "race traitors" like me
Yet here, I can't find the home that I longed...
for; it's vast enough for both you and me

Embarcing the Fifty Stars
My birthplace is somewhere afar
Stuggling as if fighting through wars
I plead for help, I'm on my knee
Yet being told "Get out of my country!"

No place to call home
No refuge for those like me
In between empires of cruelty
Always trying to rule over me

Where do I go?
No place to go
In a sea of thieves
Who will be the hero?

My heart is full of snow
Leaving no place for me to grow
Trying to lay low
As if I'm on death-row

Still remember Guǎngzhōu
Still remember that day's rainbow
From memory long ago
It's a place I can no longer go
They treat me like a criminal

Where do I go?
No place to go
Still remember my NYC Borough
In my youth, enjoying the Snow

"The Falling Stars" was chosen as the title because it was supposed to be about the decline of democracy, but I got a bit too emotional and went off on a tangent about me getting rejected by this country, as evident by the 2024 Presidential Election reflecting on the US's sentinment on immigration and the rising xenophobia.

edit: fixed typos

粵 mean Cantonese; 国 means Mandarin; But that probably doesn't matter here on an English platform lol (it's for rhyming purposes)

「後代 The Next Generation」

［粵］

今日已黑暗
(Today it's already dark)
夜中的宵禁
(This night's curfew has begun)
界線的犯侵
(The line has been crossed)
正義已倒冧
(Rightiousness has fallen)

［En］

What will remain in the world tomorrow
Will there anything left but sorrows
Is every promise ever made just hollow
Ashes... all reduced to zero

What will be our legacy?
Will the children know of joy and serenity?
Being told that the world is your enemy
Living mercilessly, under this cruelty

［国］
亲爱的
(Dear Love)
［粵］
天日其實仲有冇黎明？
(Will the sun still dawn tomorrow?)

［国］
为什么？
(Why?)
［粵］
講來講去你都唔會明
(You never understand no matter how many times I say it)

［国］
打骂着
(As you yell and hit me)
［粵］
我淨係想得到啲安寧
(I only wish for some peace and quiet)

［国］
忍不得
(Can't withstand it)
［粵］
一日到黑都逼我服從命令
(Day and night, always forcing me to obey your every order)

［En］

There's a faraway land, over the horizon
Unlike this, this land is nothing but barren
This so-called "home", it's already broken
In the darkness, without any direction

They say the moon was impossible
Is hope only for the rich and powerful?
Is it too late build a new world?
Something better, and more beautiful.

［粵］

一代代都心狠
(Every generation has a cruel heart)
傳落去的傷痕
(What gets passed on is just scars)
日與夜的怒憤
(Day and night, in fury)
靈魂已被燒焚
(My soul has been lit on fire)

In a quiet afternoon, walking through a serene park
Hearing the sounds of a conversation, the peace suddenly is broken
Between strangers I never met, yet the voice resonates
It is of a tongue I have long known since time immemorial

Its a language of love
Love that burns so hot, it is has casted a permanent shadow in my hippocampus

Its is the love from the woman who gave birth to me, whose voice of extreme decibels has created a ghost that trails me forever

“母親” ("Mother")

It is the love from the man who donated fifty percent of biological matters which formed me, and is absent in my formative memories

“父親” ("Father")

It is a love so filled with emotions, that I can't wait to hug....

the blanket and go to sleep

Is there still sunlight tomorrow morning?

It is a language that upon hearing, immediately activates the amygdala,
transporting my soul into memories...

廣東 (Canton/Guangzhou) a city so vast and big...
it is a maze for which I have lost myself in

A maze of confusion and of betrayal
A betrayal of blood

A maze of the darkest hours of my life, of my childhood
Alone, embracing the darkness

Ah yes, “哥哥” ("older brother") who just want to play with you, don't mind the trauma he has caused in you
“細路仔係咁嘅啦，你心胸要闊啲，原諒佢” ("boys being boys, you have to be the bigger person, forgive him")

Very lovely words, mother, thank you!

Oceans apart, I can still remember, that day
Under the red banner with five yellow stars
A land of tragedies
毋再見啦 Farewell, don't meet again

(Didn't proofread, not feeling good right now.)

It's more like a song lyric... but I'm too voice shy to make a recording and I don't even know how to like... do music... so... just Lyric-Poem then:

(If you know Chinese, you will notice a lot of rhyming in Mandarin... but whatever, too bad nobody here would understand for real)

「小岛」

遥远的荒岛，陆地去不到
天景这么好，却哪里都探不到

站在这孤独的岛岸，寻找着答案
直到凌晨黑暗，深夜里无法看

血缘，已断绝
亲戚，已把我淘弃，已拒绝
朋友，还不如小狗，相思他我悔后

老天，请饶了我这贱命
我站在这崖边
别逼我上天

朝廷，继续探索我踪影
我既然固执行
走灰色的路程

到天涯海角
前路已断桥
想回头没岸
我无处可逃
连梁山都不愿收好汉
找不到答案，怎么办？

小小的岛岸，前路无法看
孤独的存在，被埋在这海滩

「The Island」

On a deserted island far away, cannot reach landmass
The weather is so good, yet the destination cannot be found

Standing on this lonely shore, searching for the answer
Until the midnight's darkness, unable to see in the dark

Blood Relations, are cut off
Relatives, has abandoned me, rejected me
Friends, is not even as good as a dog, regret that we ever met

O' Heaven, please pity me and spare my poor life
I'm standing near the cliffs
Don't force my soul towards the heavens

The Royal Army, continues to search for my trail
Yet I stubbornly continue
On towards this legally grey path

Standing at the end of the world
The bridge ahead has already been broken
There is no shore to go back to
There is no path to escape
Even Mount Liang¹ refuses to provide refuge
I can't find the answer, what do I do?

On this small island, I can't see the path ahead
Surviving alone, buried by this beach

¹Mount Liang is a reference to the story 水浒传, it's a place where outlaws set up their camp or something like that... forgot the exact details... I think they were portrayed as heroes that fought against the royal government

(Kinda depressed right now, hopefully I didn't make a mistake doing the translations or typos or whatever...

Wouldn't be surprising if I typed a 同音字 (character with the same sound) lol, I did that before)

This is an original poem written by me, first written in Chinese then manually translated by me into English (I understand both languages). English is my primary language, but I just wanted to see how much Chinese I still remember.

《Century Twenty First》

The realm of zeroes and ones,
constructing virtual skyscrapers beyond touch.
Speech and songs, books and papers,
becomes tiny electrons.

Many hundred millions of electrons,
as if they were stars in the sky.
It's energy pulsating in its calculation,
as if were the Milky Way.

Data spreads across the world,
words igniting flames.
The heaven of mandate is overthrown,
the palace destroyed.
The dividing wall is torn apart,
transcending boundaries.

Chinese Version
中文版:

《世紀貳拾壹》

零與壹的境界，
建觸不的虛廈。
話音與書紙，
變為微細電子。

數億粒電子，
就似天空星星。
計算中的電脈，
就似天之銀河。

數據散播全球，
詞語點起火焰。
革除天命，毀除皇宮，
破裂牆壁，穿越界線。

(Didn't really feel like checking for mistakes, but... whatever, YOLO xD)