> Greentext

Anyone got ruse plans? Here's mine

>Buy new shirt
>Don't let roommates know
>Go on vacation to place with a landmark, like New York
>Take photo in front of Statue of Liberty wearing new shirt
>Go back and tell roommates you went somewhere else
>Wait a few weeks
>Tell your roommates you just got a new shirt and show it to them
>Say you're going on vacation to New York
>Actually stay in your room
>Lock door, turn lights off, be silent
>Send photo of you in front of Statue of Liberty with new shirt to roommate
>One night, sneak out into the bathroom
>Shit in the shower
>Go back to your room and wait
>Next day, roommates think it was each other
>Come out and say you just got back
>Normies would never expect someone to actually go to New York just to get away with shitting in the shower
>Enjoy as your roommates argue with each other for shitting in the shower

No. 619814304
Challenge /b/:
Name an object that no human has ever tried to use sexually.

No. 619814377
Your penis

>Be me
>Be 20 in uni.
>Going to study with friends in liberry.
>Text friend asking where to meet him.
>He says on 3rd floor.
>Go to liberry.
>Go to 3rd floor.
>Dent see friend.
>Look down bookcase rows.
>See friend seated facing away from me towards the window at a desk in his trademark blue hoodie.
>Approach my friend.
>Gay-chicken-protocol engaged.
>I intend to win the ongoing gay-chicken war here and now.
>Sneak up behind friend.
>Swing legs over back of chair one at a time.
>Slide down behind friend so my crotch is touching his ass.
>Cup his breasts.
>Pull him tight.
>Friend turns around.
>Not friend.
>Total stranger.
> Never seen this kid before.
>His face...
>Ohgod.jpg
>I move head closer to his ear.
>Whisper, You arent John...
>Proceed to stand up and powerwalk down the stairs
>Out the liberry.
>Off campus.
>Walk 9 blocks & get chipotle.

🦴 💀

No.619872483
Our earth is only 4 billion years old in a universe that is 14 billion years old. What could a species learn, create, and do that has a 2 or 3 billion year head start on us? what about 10?

No.619893946
they probably have better memes.

No. 9559967
stories of us being alpha
>at a (straight) club with my bros
>some obviously drunk faggot comes up to me
>tells me i have really nice nice eyes and that he just had to come talk to me and he wants to buy me a drink
>i have a mind to knock this guy the fuck out
>tell him i'm not a faggot and push him really hard
>he's on the ground soaking wet from spilling his drink on himself
>call my bros over
>we're surrounding him and verbally abusing him he literally starts crying
>we tell him to just get the fuck out of here

No. 9559970
Sounds stupid and not alpha, OP.

No. 9559971
that's what he gets for being a poofter

No. 9559988
>>9559970
how was i not alpha?
if i'm not alpha then no one is.

>>9559967
Fuck, that's alpha..if you were in 6th grade. take it from a real Alpha

>>Go to the library often during finals (junior year)
>>Notice this one kid who is always there
>>After finals he is still there
>>Hear stories about homeless college students who sleep in libraries
>>Feelsbadman.jpg
>>Talk to him
>>Find out he's actually a cool guy
>>He hides the fact that he's homeless
>>Me and my crew take him in
>>Make him feel wanted
>>He was reluctant at first
>>He opens up to us about his situation (end of junior year)
>>Homeless after his mom died
>>Never knew his father
>>No brothers or sister
>>Decided College was all he had left
>>Grants don't cover room and board
>>Has no money
>>Dude is Auschwitz mode
>>Told us in a group, we were all crying.
>>Manly tears
>>No bro left behind
>>We offer him our places to stay
>>We make sure he take care of him
>>Dude was pretty prideful, didn't do well taking help
>>Made a deal, he accepted our help and he would help me out at the gym as my spotter as well as study (smart motherfucker)
>>4 years go by
>>I no longer have a friend
>>I now have a brother who is /fit/
>>(My family actually adopted him)
>>brother has his own place and was crawling in bitches and took one and put a ring on it.

That's real alpha mode you dick.

Be me: Raven, Pilot: Arlo, Frame: EVEREST

Be not me: Cypher, Pilot: Rena, Frame: EVEREST; Ghost, Pilot: Undisclosed, Frame: EVEREST; DM

Session opens on the stolen MBL-HM3 light freighter, having stolen it to escape from a planet

Ghost preoccupies themselves with maintaining their equipment

Cypher is poking at their NHP... it's not poking back, yet

Raven gets on the ship intercom: "Hey, if we're going to be working together we'll need an organization... I can set it up but we'll need a name."

Que short discussion of names before Ghost suggests 'Hammers', DM suggests adding a prefix to it and so we become the Crimson Hammers Mercenary company

We decide to take a job defending a moon mining base from some small-time raiders.

We arrive on site and get to work fortifying to the best of our ability... they will be arriving soon.

"Incoming." Ghost states, "Two West, Two East" as they come up on sensors.

"Got this one." Raven calls boosting into the fray and igniting his plasma sword and slashing into the lightly armored mech.

The slashed enemy mech begins to walk for cover provoking Overwatch from Raven... his plasma sword burns out right before contact. It then pops Raven for 6 damage...

"Guys.... help!" Raven calls over their coms asking for assistance.

Ghost responds by deploying a number of turret drones.

Cypher catches a shot to the chassis as the enemy that fired moves into cover.

Cypher pops their Core Power and surges into combat to help Raven. Launching their Nexus Swarm... it misses. They try to followup with a Lock-On and still fail.

The first enemy miss of the battle occurs as a mech waddles into a crater.

The fourth enemy takes a shot damaging the building we're protecting... and second enemy miss of the session.

Next round the enemy goes first! Enemy mech on the far side of the building gets shot... actually doing damage.

Raven goes first throwing a Hex Charge as a grenade! It chips both mechs and before the dust settles he's where they blast came from slashing both mechs with the plasma sword via Executioner and failing to finish off the second with a bad shotgun damage roll.

The second enemy manages to do the first point of Structure damage against Raven's mech!

Ghost's turn! They steady their aim and annihilate their first target with their super-heavy sniper rifle.

No enemy left alive to take their turn so it's Cypher's turn. They surge across the battlefield to try to Lock-On a new target... success! They then consume it to sic their drones on it... and miss again.

Raven's turn first at next round and he slashes the second mech in half.

Ghost catches a bullet... these guys are persistent.

Cypher nails them in return with the AMR and then their RPG for massive damage!

Ghost surges into range to finish them off with their Thermal Rifle.

Combat ended Ghost rips the slagged mech open... the pilot is alive!

"I got one." Ghost says

"How bad is he?" Cypher replies

He's alive, we hand him to the miners to guard while we deal with upcoming waves.

We have a few turns to repair our mechs before the next wave, we use the time to return to defensive positions and patch our mechs.

Now in a much better position than before we're ready to deal with the next wave...

Ghost goes first... their Cyclone Rifle slays another target.

Hearing the explosion, "Cypher, think you can break their comms?" Raven comments

"I can try." Cypher replies as the enemy's turn begins.

They try to fire a Mortar... and forget that we're in micro-gravity sending it off out of the battlefield. They then waddle away.

Cypher's turn. They Scan & Invade the enemy mech preventing them from approaching seeing they've got good weapons.

The invaded enemy waddles their way closer... but can't do much to any of us in that state.

Raven pops the slowed enemy with his shotgun then backs away as a turret gives a followup-pop

End of round and DM tells us something is happening... and whatever it was it missed

Ghost takes first turn and moves to a hidden position

The knife-guy moves up to flanking with Cypher! It forces a hull-save from a ram then boosts toward Ghost.

Cypher misses with the AMR then sics her drones on the target cutting into them.

Raven leaps into action landing on the melee-mech and vertically bisecting it with the plasma blade.

Ghost stabilizes and reloads.

The one remaining enemy fires their arching weapon... and batters Cypher and the building.

Cypher boosts back into range. They Lock-On and then Invade to activate their Hacker talent... putting the target into the Danger Zone!

Raven boosts into range of the artillery mech... and misses with a shotgun.

Seeing mechs charging at it the artillery panic-fires and misses.

Cypher's turn! She nails it with the Nexus and with the turrets help the mech goes boom.

Wave 2 defeated

We're told fast moving units, likely fliers, are incoming by the miners operating the outpost

Ghost goes first and takes aim with the Cyclone Pulse Rifle... crit! One dead mech.

Undeterred the first action of the enemy is to charge into battle! Reaching Raven with a boost. It wiffs it's one attack.

Raven slashes the mech in his face... provoking a reaction to be counter-meleed via chainaxe, doing just enough his shotgun followup misses.

The turrets finish off mr. chainaxe

The artillery mech that came in with these guys launches his payload hitting the building, Ghost, Cypher, a turret, and the building. Nailing them for 11 damage.

Cypher retaliates with her AMR chipping it before beginning to spread out, the artillery is getting dangerous.

It panic fires as it's hit and the shell goes wide.

Ghost repairs and reloads.

Raven boosts into melee with the artillery mech... and misses.

Cypher surges up and pokes it then ducks for cover.

It's turn! It misses.

Raven stabs through it's core with the plasma blade on Overcharge then spends their full-action to stabilize.

Cypher reloads.

End of round and the fliers arrive!

Raven boosts at the first flier... and misses.

The flier tries to escape Raven provoking Overwatch... and it does a barrel roll! It flies over the building and bombs the structure.

Cypher takes a Barrage to try and down the other flier... it also barrel-rolls but she nearly downs it on the second shot.

Ghost takes a shot... and misses with the Thermal Rifle, they then drop smoke for soft-cover.

The wounded bomber spins 'round and does a bombing run on Cypher.

Ghost takes aim with their Cyclone Rifle... and ~~misses~~ Reliable saves the action and they down the flier, they drop another smoke to stay hidden.

Through the smoke the flier manages to connect with Ghost.

Raven goes next and overcharges for a second boost... getting in range of the wounded flier only to miss their slice.

Cypher takes their shot with the Nexus and shreds the second flier.

"Anything else on long-range sensors?" Raven asks the outpost.

"Nope, all-clear." the outpost responds.

"Is the building OK?" Raven asks again

"There were a few explosions... something collapsed. I think we can fix it." they reply.

With combat over we extract from our mechs.

We ask to see the prisoner...

Raven asks where their ship is.

He doesn't want to answer.

Raven hits him, Ghost threatens to do worse.

They still don't crack.

"Can we get a room? Don't need to damage the employer's peace of mind." Raven asks.

They oblige and we get a room.

We decide not to RP out the "interrogation" and leave it as rolls

Near-crit He breaks as part of the slow-walk to the interrogation room.

He explains that they've made their base in the derelict of an ancient planet-cracker mining ship.

"Is what you've sent all the kinds of things you have?" Raven asks.

"I don't know everybody, I didn't know all those guys." he replies.

"What's your comms code?" Raven asks, looking to be able to listen in on enemy comms.

He hands us his comm unit.

Raven hands it to Cypher, "Figure out what code it's on and update our mechs with it."

She has it done after a few moments of looking at it.

"'Bout how big is your operation?" Raven asks

"Think we've got... 30 mechs and a few hundred people." he replies.

With that the interrogation is over.

We let the miners know we're done with him, they can do what they wish but we don't want him wondering off to warn his buddies.

We call the session their making mental note to see if we can gain allies for the raid on their base

>GTA Dubai: Online

>Make female character

>Go outside and step into car

>6 stars wanted level.

>be me

>22 and poor in college

>deliver food for a restaurant for a few months

>sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up

>if it happens late enough in my shift I get to take it home with me

>always ate the best those nights since it was free

>be me now, 35+

>started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close

>always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife

>been doing it for about 3 years

>never pick it up

>gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town

Alt Text: Image of a 3DS, top screen is a fake ransomware screen, the bottom screen has a text box popup saying "Hi There, kids! Please have a parent or guardian look at this for you, OK?"

OP post:

>"Dude why haven't you hacked your 3DS yet, it's easy!"

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

An anon replies to a deleted post in the thread

"Uhm how can you be born if your parents are dead"

Cue many follow up replies