Greatest Generation

When Lt. Reed figures out where the timeline went wrong, Vosk offers up his prisoners and Captain Archer starts sharing everything he knows. But after Silik and Vosk clash and the Entrepreneur destroys the temporal hole, the timeline is restored and Agent Daniels agrees to fuck off. Which new collab could turn things around for the Purple Zebra? What’s the best way to hide all that rubble at the White House? Does Vosk have at least one redeeming quality? It’s the episode that would never want to infringe on your freedoms.

When Kirk & Co. pick up an untrustworthy businessman named Harvey Mudd and his women associates, the men on the Enterprise are overtaken by a spell. But when Mudd turns out to be making deals behind Kirk’s back, it’s finally time to pry off this annoying barnacle. Will Kirk be able to withstand the spell? How much slink can you get in one episode? What’s with the groovy Spock? It’s the episode Big Rod wrote after watching a Nancy Sinatra music video!

When the most kick-ass season of Enterprise starts in WWII for some reason, Captain Archer gets kidnapped by gangsters and Silik is back to slinking around on the ship. But after toxic sludge Daniels stumbles into sicksbay and dies, Archer returns to figure out exactly who needs to be stopped. What can be expected from any trip to the post office? Which room is next to the crying room and breastfeeding room? How does J. Paul Boehmer feel about himself? It’s the episode that didn’t have the budget for Khmer Rouge.

When a transporter malfunction strands an away team on a freezing planet, it also creates evil duplicates of Captain Kirk and a weird dog. But after naughty Kirk takes things too far with Yeoman Rand, nice Kirk is convinced to face the fear of recombination. Who is allowed to do father-in-law impressions? What’s the best way to heal an open wound? When would Spock beat Kirk at 3D chess? It’s the episode that’s at the headwaters of a trope.

When Captain Archer leads a dustbuster club onto the Xindi weapon, Tucker and T’Pol stay aboard the Entrepreneur to destroy the network of spheres. But after the Guardians serve up too much space queso and an old friend arrives to help, Archer blows up the weapon and disappears into a new story arc. Which siren song isn’t that hard to resist? Who knows how to party like Klingon warriors? When is it clear that Hoshi is feeling better? It’s the episode that explores our ambivalence towards florescent lights.

When JOE TORMOLEN has an itch he just can't resist, he scratches his way towards starting a full blown pandemic of space madness on the Enterprise. But after Lieutenant Riley takes control of the ship and finds a captive audience for his manosphere podcast, Kirk and Spock set out to find a way to regain command of the Enterprise. Who gets the first neck pinch? When is it appropriate to touch a stranger's love handles? Why even use tricorders? It’s the episode that completely shaves its balls.

When Hoshi wakes up in the A story with Dolim forcing her to decipher launch codes, Captain Archer convinces the mammalian Xindi to let him plead his case to the Aquatics. But after they agree to help and get their fish tanks blown up, a boarding party on its way to the weapon is the Entrepreneur’s last hope to save Earth. Why is the population of Portland so manageable? What is exactly the same as talking on Facetime? Where are Xindi souvenir pasties available? It’s the episode that hasn’t improved from last week.

When a visiting psychiatrist and the Captain’s pet get shocked at the edge of the galaxy, their godlike tendencies begin to threaten the ship. But after the perfect amount of tranquilizer gets Mitchell down to Delta Vega, Kirk has to rock his old pal into an early grave. What’s the first thing you should look for at a party? Who plays 3-D checkers? Is there something important that Star Trek has only done once? It’s the episode that measures death on the spectacularness scale!

When Captain Archer and Degra bring convincing evidence to the council, Dolim starts colluding with a Sphere Maker to steal the weapon and go rogue. But after Commander Tucker finally forgives Degra and Dolim gets his rewenge, the away team returns to the ship with more data on the spheres. Where is the Sword of Xindi Arcocles hanging? Will Ben enjoy Fireball? What natural resource did the Xindi fight wars over? It’s the episode that shows how scary a grappler can be.

When a horny teenage boy comes aboard and starts making dramatic entrances, everyone wants Kirk to play Captain Daddy to help the young slickback with his social skills. But after Charlie gets obsessed with Yeoman Rand and takes control of the ship with his mind, Green Grandpa has to come and take him away to save the Entrepreneur from his powers. Whose Wikipedia page is getting edited this week? Where is HR located on the ship? What could fix Charlie’s whole deal? It’s the episode that only had one size of stretchy pants.

When the Entrepreneur meets a way more fucked-up version of itself, a bunch of the crew’s offspring come aboard to explain why they can’t go through the corridor to meet Degra. But after Lorian gets desperate and Karyn has to talk him down, the T’Pols convince Captain Archer that an alternate route can get them there early. What’s the payoff for a long-term barber relationship? Who does Sarek owe a debt of gratitude to? Which character has the trembles downstairs? It’s the episode that gets confused by too many spheres.

When a routine medical visit to an Orange Julius planet introduces Star Trek’s first cranky scientist and hot babe duo, a member of the away team dies mysteriously and still the couple’s main priority is getting more salt. But after Nancy is revealed to be a shapeshifter and more crew deaths bring salt bae up to the ship, Dr. McCoy is faced with shooting his long-lost love to save Captain Kirk’s life. How is Greatest Gen like ancient Egypt? Who is a sexual velociraptor in the workplace? What do we have to look forward to with Yeoman Rand’s hair? It’s the episode that’s holding space for studio shenanigans.

When Archer is pushing hard to meet Degra on time, Trip struggles with his grief as repairs continue on the Entrepreneur. But after Jannar asks for more proof and Degra blows up a reptilian ship, Archer gets invited to speak to the council if he can make it through the nebula in one piece. In what specific way is Crewman Taylor in a better place? Which hobby does Trip use the bronze scuba suit for? What’s the amazing thing about This Ain’t Cheers? It’s the episode that could have epically killed off a main character.

When in recovery mode after a battle on Rigel VII, Captain Pike and the crew of the Enterprise try to avoid the 18 year-old distress call from the Talos Region. But when Spock interrupts a martini meeting between Pike and Boyce, it’s time to gather a team and Time-Warp again! Will Pike survive the thoughts of Talosians? Will Vina be there if Pike returns? Despite all his rage, is Pike just a rat in a cage? It’s the episode that gives you a beginning, but not before showing you the end!

When a crescendo of bangers suddenly gets called off, the Xindi council is in disarray and decides to return Archer to the NX-01. But after another damaged ship asks for assistance, an even Darker Archer decides to rob them instead. Where is the fun part of a Rick Caruso development? What could have been a top-three visual in the entire series? Who’s the Guinan of this show? It’s the episode where Xindi Oprah is giving out some very special prizes!

When Dr. Korby leads the Entrepreneur to an octahedron on Skygowan, Dr. M’Benga is captured by reanimated Ensign Gamble and Captain Batel feels called to intervene. But after the two captains live an entire life in flash forwards, everyone embraces their destiny and the crew continues on its five-year mission. Which book is Vice Admiral Pasalt looking forward to re-reading? How do you force someone to replace a bed? What’s the best shortcut for an emotionally-heavy moment? It’s the episode that’s not going to recover from the eye trauma.

When the Entrepreneur arrives at Azati Prime, Captain Archer goes deep on a suicide mission to destroy the Xindi weapon. But after a visit from Daniels and an unsuccessful attempt to die, Archer drives a wedge between the council as the reptilians bring the NX-01 to its knees. What’s the least dangerous thing a Star Trek podcaster could do? How could Insectoids sweep through Earth’s population the quickest? Who is the angel of death on a starship? It’s the episode that didn’t send back the bottle of brown wine.

When Lieutenant Ortegas crashes on the wrong side of a wormhole, she finds an injured lady Gorns to play chess with and who’s also willing to be big spoon. But after Uhura lies to Pike about a dangerous rescue attempt, La’An ends up shooting Gornette on sight and Ortegas only keeps some of her memories. Where has NuTrek overcorrected? How can a hobo encampment feel instantly more comforting? What don’t you get on any other Star Trek podcast? It’s the episode that solves its issues with either Metrons or ADR.

When the Entrepreneur pulls up on LV-426, the crashed ship on the surface does indeed have alien eggs aboard. But after one of them blasts in Archer’s face without asking, he becomes more and more willing to sacrifice the mission for his personal obsession with saving the children. How many Xenomorphs would it take to conquer Earth? What’s never an accident? Do baby Insectoids have a favorite food? It’s the episode that explores Trip’s gravy-based fantasies.

When the Entrepreneur is the only ship in range to fix a pre-warp Chernobyl, the away team has to become peak Vulcan and unfortunately they decide not to change back. But after destroying both personal and professional lives, Una gets Doug involved and Spock has to dance La’An’s katra back to reality. What would look great on The Sphere in Vegas? Where does Pike go when he gets kicked out of his quarters? Who has a very short refractory period? It’s the episode that’s brokering peace.

When there’s more unstable space queso on their path to Azati Prime, the crew has to go into stasis while Dr. Phlox looks after the ship. But after he starts hearing things and hallucinating Swedish ghosts, he almost kills Commander Tucker before finishing the mission all on his own. What’s different about dog walking in the future? Whose face is left-most on Mount Footmore? How is Trip like a long-haul truck driver? It’s the episode that compares afternoon coffee to no afternoon coffee.

When Humberto’s documentary turns out to be a hit piece, asking squishy questions about colonialism leads to mostly having security footage. But after the weaponized Jikaru takes to space and can’t be controlled by the Entrepreneur, they grant its final wish in defiance of the Lutani. Who couldn’t be reached for an interview? When is an ECU not threatening? How would Scotty deal with an injured horse? It’s the episode with 9 million sprained ankles.

When the Entrepreneur happens upon some expanding space queso, they rescue an alien pod and find a hotboxing party guy inside. But after various types of tension start boiling over on the ship, the new mystery alien disappears with a vaguely Xindi threat. Where are there no rules about having a crock pot? Which kind of alien never gets considered on Star Trek? What has Dark Archer started calling the airlock? It’s the episode that’s exciting, but also shocking and disquieting.

When James T. Kirk is super bored as First Officer on the Farragut, his run of bad decisions starts even before a Trogdor attack thrusts him into command. But after Enterprise saves his ass and gets chomped by the scavenger ship instead, now Captain Kirk has to figure out his leadership style in time to set a trap and own the consequences. Who isn’t too old for a one-day pod turn? What will be the actual relics of our civilization? Which character would have been perfect for thruster duty? It’s the episode that’s also powered by aldentium.

When the Entrepreneur captures Degra and sets up an elaborate ruse, Captain Archer starts to gain his trust to extract more information about the weapon’s construction. But after getting wise to his circumstances and losing in close combat to Archer, Degra’s memory is wiped again after a risky double Barashing. What’s the only thing that foretells a ninja hippy? Where is it ok to have nine girlfriends? Which alien ship comes with a treasure chest? It’s the episode with a couple of regerttable tattoos.