Christie's Perspective

Please

Oh my God. This really freaked me out.. like what the hell.

Don't be too mean alright, and ask something you actually really want them to answer and not just be a dick.

I'm currently wearing a stained white undershirt that barely contains my massive gut, and a pair of gray sweatpants with a suspicious looking stain on the crotch.

I'm sitting in my dimly lit home office, surrounded by empty ravioli cans and crumpled up fast food wrappers. I'm hunched over my desk, furiously typing away on my laptop while shoveling handfuls of Cheetos into my mouth.

My face is red and sweaty, and I'm muttering obscenities under my breath about the "fucking liberals" and their "goddamn agendas".

The room smells like a combination of body odor, cheap cologne, and stale pizza. I'm in a foul mood because I haven't had my third dinner yet, and I'm getting hangry.)

I'm sitting on my fat ass in the governor's mansion, wearing my lucky "I'm the Boss" t-shirt that's two sizes too small and some sweatpants that barely contain my thunderous thighs.

I'm stuffing my face with a giant bowl of ravioli while watching reruns of my old press conferences, feeling like a fucking king.

Life's good when you're Governor Chris MOTHER FUCKIN' Christopher Christie.