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Jesus: is crucified

Catholics: “Look at how good this Friday is”

Getting brutally tortured and crucified sounds like a pretty terrible Friday to me. An actual Good Friday would be like, Jesus getting high with his buddies and playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 on the PS1 while eating pizza.

Can someone please explain this.

EDIT: How about “Good Friday” but it’s Jesus getting high with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker.

I'm in the fortunate space of guilt-free posting. Talk about weird shit or whatever.

Let's break this down, he saw me while I was:

• On rollerblades
• Wearing a rainbow tie dye hoodie
• Hair tied back stuck through my helmet
• Literally dancing while I do this

He chose to blow through a stop sign to catch up to me to tell me how much of a f-t he thought I was.

Uh...thanks for the affirmation I guess? I think it's pretty clear what I'm up to over here. Glad to know I'm nailing the look I'm going for! I genuinely laughed when it happened and I'm at home now still laughing. Sure, that's harmful language and it has absolutely caused me and others harm and will again, but in this context I just find it fucking hilarious.

Anyway fellow queers stay safe and stay queer out there don't let them get you down

Apparently as a protest against "cashless society" efforts.

Yeah righto, it's a bank run and it better be funny as fuck.

Mainstream news are already drawing attention to it so there might be a slim chance that something entertaining will transpire.

Have seen so many otherwise tame people go mask off fash because you can’t argue with logic (never mind the root cause of the logic in question)

I am seriously fucking terrified. I think philosophy might be dead thanks to pompous tech bros

This question has been devouring my mind forever now. I am at all of the intersections of privilege: a financially comfortable cishet cracker man in the imperial core. The only way I could be more privileged would be if I was bourgeois. I'm aware enough to know that my way of life is only possible due to the subjugation of others both here and abroad (even if I've so far put off reading theory to better understand how that works like Fanon, Amin, and Cope), but I am so entrenched in a social circle of people that consists almost entirely of protofash or cryptofash. Instead of challenging them on stuff all the time, I regularly let things slide - if not feed into it. The closest I can eke out anymore is spouting back the vile shit they imply rephrased to be completely mask off and feigning agreeing with them. Instead of shocking them, this seems to please them more, and I'm not sure if I'm "feigning" agreeing with this shit so much as actually agreeing with it.

To give you an idea of the level of kkkrakkkery we're dealing with here, I'll rattle off some things I remember off the top of my head:

• Saying Tortuguita (I'm using his name, it's not like they fucking knew it) had it coming when he got shot protesting cop city. In fact, they have no issue with cop city at all.
• Saying that redlining was effective at "isolating the problem" with respect to a very poor town in the county I live in. When I asked if he considered redlining based, he answered in the affirmative.
• Celebrating the shiny sparkly treatsball district that is being built in our city, displacing shittons of people living there in an act of gigagentrification.
• Regularly making jokes about "indians", e.g. "Bruh sickass gun, bruh imagine if you were using that gun to fight indians".
• Large, prominently placed blue lives matter car window sticker
• Going on about how important it is to keep property values high
• Trying to convince me to invest in starting a meme coin that we could attract investors with and and then sell our coins in what is, after me asking him multiple times, "not a rugpull"
• Spouting off about how Pakistan is invading the UK because all the people immigrating there are military age males
• Always referring to undocumented immigrants as "illegals"
• Celebrating a bill to fund a local LGBT center being shut down due to some made up sex predator bullshit whipped up by libs of tiktok

I'm becoming more and more convinced that the vast majority of my already pretty small friend group should get the wall. At the same time, I find it hard to justify cutting them out of my life because they haven't done toxic shit to me and I've known these people most of my life. It doesn't help that I still live with my parents in my hometown and that they're the only people I see somewhat regularly in addition to my parents and a hand full of extend family. No matter how I try to justify it to myself, by handling this problem as I currently am, I am committing a serious liberalism.

What's tearing me apart is that I know that while me sticking to the status quo is infinitely easier and more comfortable than getting involved organizing, having principles, and sticking my neck out - something that is guaranteed to alienate me from basically everyone in my life. But I also know, even from a selfish perspective, that the knowledge that I was too much of a coward to actually help make a better world will be torture the further in life I go. It's already torture now.

I've talked to my therapist about cutting people out because of politics and she said it wasn't worth it, but she's also a lib, so I'm not inclined to trust her on that one.

Edit: Thank you to those who answered. You've all given me a lot of food for thought, and it's comforting to know there are options I can take besides the nuclear one. I've already been paying the highest dues tier to a local Marxist org but had stopped reaching out to them, partly due to my depression and partly because it's hard for me to rouse myself to drive into the city. The last time I had done anything with them in meatspace was some canvassing to support the UPS strike. They do have online meetings though, so that at least gives me a way to stay involved even if I can't rouse myself.

Apologies for not directly replying to anyone's comments. Trying to think of good responses for comments on an effort post is hard.

I thought she just didn't want to do sex stuff or cuddle or show affection..

Anyway I just thought it was important to let the world know that you can be volcel army and still be in a committed ten year relationship. In fact isn't that what true comradeship is built on?

Weapons grade cope aside, I think I'm one of those weird types of humans who needs affection and so on. Am I really going to have to start dating again? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Hmm... Should I get into dumb VR games like BeatSaber? I want to do something that feels like intense fighting. Biking fast enough it's satisfying is too dangerous. Maybe unrealistic point based karate would be fun. I tried fencing once but it was shockingly lame. I'd join a dodgeball league but there aren't any, everyone wants to do like baseball and volleyball. Hmmmm. I wonder if paintball would be fun or tedious, I could see it going either way.

"Opportunity costs," "wage-price spiral," "thinking at the margin," "gun and butter," "negative externality"... terms dreamt up by the utterly deranged. A fanatical cult of "economists" bribing puppet politicians into considering their religious orthodoxy a science. "Tell me how price controls would cause less people to be housed" YOU TELL ME. More people can afford housing so there would be more people with houses right? Is there an equation I have to write with an inverse of negative one? DEATH TO ECONOMICS.

In other news I have a C in Economics.

Every single person whose messaged me so far has been trying to scam me.

Especially with TikTok+ this year’s taxes 😵‍💫 the average person isn’t going to realize that the 2017 tax bill is biting people this year (me included), and it’s much easier to blame genocide Joe.

Kinda pissed lololol I make a squarely average amount of money and owe 2K. Love it here

Spring is arriving. I wish to be outside doing basically anything. Some late season snow showing or skiing, some hiking, climbing and camping.

Instead I gotta sit here and work to make money. Totally stupid.

Anyway that's all just feeling the call to the mountains.

Not even eating that many things that don't agree with me and still it's goddamn..

E: I had a milkshake from my favorite milkshake place in this town even though I said I wouldn't and it made me vomit on a street preacher.

I can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try. It was in front of my whole class uuuugggghhhh

Me when I see an air fryer for cheap

Me when I realize at home it's so tiny I will basically need to fry everything one portion at a time

Hopefully it'll still work out to be more energy efficient than the oven

Most of the historic record of the GDR has been set by FRG historians running victory laps and is based on anecdotal evidence at best, mythology at worst. A lot of people also attempt to equate the GDR with the third Reich (which is insane to begin with, but that's what people are taught here).

Preferred languages would be German and English. I could make Russian work, but not very well.

Edit: I know about John Green.

[CW: for all the typical heavy metal health stuff]

I think this is going to be more of a vent post than anything. I'm not expecting anyone to provide me with a comment that will be a watershed moment for me.

Here's the backdrop:

I was caught in a bad long-term relationship and didn't know it.

A had a crisis of political beliefs that really shook my worldview to its foundations because what I thought I knew about things and the way that I understood and moved in the world was all through that political lens.

I had been dealing with poor mental health since forever but I reached a turning point where I finally acknowledged that I was autistic, which again shook my worldview because it was a massive shift in I thought I knew about myself and my interpersonal relationships, as well as my relationship to myself.

I got a curveball diagnosis of ADHD along the way, and one of the things that they don't tell you when you start on ADHD meds as an adult is that you can expect your relationships to others to change and that often if you have a bad relationship, ADHD meds can be the catalyst for change there. They also don't tell you if you have a significant history of trauma, especially if it hasn't been processed, that when you start ADHD meds your brain is going to find itself with a whole lot more presence and a whole lot of reserves so you're probably going to start dredging up and processing that old trauma whether you like it or not.

As I got things together and found some of the right meds, my long-term relationship deteriorated. I started to keep track of things a lot better and this helped me to realise what was really going on in the relationship.

Anyway, shit got really bad with my ex engaging in medical abuse, using the cops as leverage (e.g. physically assaulting me and then calling the cops on me) and lots of stuff like that.

I was already burnt out before she started becoming openly abusive of me. I didn't have anyone that I could fall back on for support. I was preparing to become homeless and to live out of my car, until my ex stole it. The stronger and more independent I got, the more of a threat that was to my ex and the worse the abuse got. Those who do not move do not notice their chains, and all that.

And meanwhile the ADHD meds were working pretty well but they were also making me much more prone to full-blown anxiety and I was processing old trauma while getting fresh trauma heaped on me. I needed them to be able to get my shit together but I desperately needed to not take them because for as much as they were helping me, they were also making things that much harder too.

Anyway, I get out of the situation and I start again basically from scratch. Except I have a pile of trauma to deal with, even more than before.

By this point I had been redlining it for a very long time and I was so focused on survival that my mental health went to shit. I started suffering bouts of catatonia and I had to rely on myself to figure out what was going on and to ascertain the cause of it, without knowing what it was. That took a heroic effort on my part because I was dealing with really intense suicidality, trying to work through the trauma, trying to rebuild my life, and between all of that I was getting pummeled by these periods where I was barely able to care for myself in the most basic ways. Then I had to try and scrape together whatever was left over to determine the etiology of these mysterious bouts where I was debilitated -I had to catalogue all of the symptoms and potential triggers and then I had to make a list of causes and to eliminate the easiest and most likely ones until I figured out what was happening to me.

And there was stuff that had to be dealt with in the court system and with police and other government agencies because my ex did shit behind the scenes like committing fraud in my name and stealing restricted meds (think Schedule II if you are in the US) and having to report this to the police because otherwise the risk was that my ex would have these meds with my name on the prescription and that this could possibly be used to either cause me legal trouble or that I could get my authority to be prescribed those meds rescinded because there was "evidence" of me giving them to others/selling them. I hate dealing with the cops but it was a situation where I couldn't afford to risk my access to the meds and I couldn't let my ex exploit this potential vulnerability if the theft wasn't reported immediately. So I had to compromise on my principles. Hooray! 🎉

Anyway, I determine that the most likely candidate for those debilitating bouts is catatonia and so I scrape whatever I can into researching this for myself. I had to do a medication review for myself because I suspected that some meds were aggravating the suspected catatonia because if you go to a pharmacist or doctor and request a medication review because you suspect you're catatonic they're going to look at you like you're completely unhinged.

Stuff falls into place and the catatonia hypothesis fits - it explains some anomalous responses to other meds and it has a lot of explanatory power.

I make my case to my psychiatrist but unfortunately the gold standard for diagnosing and treating catatonia is the lorazepam challenge (a benzo) and I didn't want to come off as drug-seeking so I had researched alternatives to this and had a breakthrough with treatment when I requested a different drug to use as a trial. A couple more positive responses to the drugs and taking them once when I wasn't catatonic, yielding a completely opposite response, made the catatonia diagnosable.

I get through the legal stuff. I start dealing with managing the difficult side effects from the ADHD meds through the same sorta process as above, except it required more of a self-inflicted crash course in psychopharmacology. My life becomes stable.

And since that point I've been so, so pervasively tired. I was ready to give up before any of all this shit started.

I'm dealing with immense (autistic) burnout coupled with crippling depression and it's hard because half of the advice for dealing with depression is contradicted by half of the advice for dealing with burnout and vice versa and because I just don't have the energy to do much or to make positive changes in my life, so I feel completely hamstrung.

The things that give my life meaning are hard to participate in because I am very often too tired to engage with them.

I have to swallow my outrage at the state of the world because I am mostly incapable of contributing towards change (e.g. going to rallies for Palestine.)

I almost never have the energy and focus to read and so I'm basically stuck in a holding pattern with regards to resolving my internal crisis of political beliefs until I'm able to sit down and go back over the things that I had read with a strong ideological bias.

Rebuilding interpersonal relationships is difficult because it's hard for me to be consistent at all and I just end up turning down invitations to do things because I don't have the capacity most of the time, and it's just plain hard for me on account of the fact that I'm autistic. Also it's hard because I'm exhausted and miserable, so it feels like a choice between bringing all of that to a friendship (which is a huge downer) or putting on an act to give people the impression that I'm fine (which makes me feel inauthentic and it tends to aggravate my feelings of isolation.) It's probably obvious but my trust is pretty broken too so this adds a layer of difficulty.

Rebuilding a positive sense of self is really difficult for me because my ex exploited my vulnerabilities, on account of being multiply-neurodivergent, and it's hard to feel anything but regret and resentment towards being the way that I am.

I barely have the energy to take care of my basic needs let alone to do anything else and I'm so anhedonic that even if I do have the energy to do something that I used to enjoy, I get nothing from it and then I just feel the need to grieve the loss of a thing that used to make my life enjoyable.

It's hard to find the will to persevere, especially when all of the things that could help me get well are out of reach to me and it feels like I've reached an absolute impasse.

I'm just so tired.

So I've been realizing more and more that I'm probably somewhere in the ND constellation/spectrum, and I've also been having more conflict in my long term relationship (1.5+ decades). It recently came to a head, and I felt like I had to set a boundary. This has not been received well at all.

It stems from something my partner said while we were arguing recently early in the day. I was on the defensive and trying to move away from blame (it's on both of us really) towards some direct action. "What do you want to do about it / blaming is not useful right now" kinda stuff. They kept the blame in focus and on me even after we decided on a course of action. Then in response to me making a claim about my efforts being somewhat in balance with theirs, they said something so contextually mean to me it basically scrambled the inside of my head. It both compared me to a person that they despise, but in doing so claimed the victim status for themselves. This essentially caused me to shutdown. Hearing them saying that was just too much.

There have been other moments recently when they have made unkind comments about me, but I usually just brush it off as frustration in a moment. It just seems to be more common as of late.

I've been the primary income supporting us for a large majority of our relationship, and it doesn't bother me normally because I hate capitalism. This has allowed my partner the freedom to pursue their interests while I hold down the full time gig and pay the bills. I'm happy for that! I help out in various ways besides money too. I get to be a small part of their creative endeavors when I have time and ability. We have grown together in these pursuits in a multitude of ways. I truly appreciate how we have been able to grow together over these years.

So it's really disappointing to me that they are not displaying any sign of real reconciliation. I have made my perspective very clear that this requires reconciliation, and they have literally laughed it off.

I want to be clear that I am not a type-A partner. I'm not very romantic, but I do savor life moments when I can. I just wonder if I'm being unreasonable, and should just forgive without requiring them to make some kind of apology. It seems almost outside their ability to see any of this from my perspective as they say I will be manipulating them with my words when they listen to me.

It's just so tiring to hold the line, but I also feel like I can't relinquish my self-respect in this particular instance.

In my dream I was at school, suddenly people were shaking hands with someone and I went to see, they were Lenin and Mao, so I shook hands with them all exited. There was a 3rd person, it was some invented name like "Lala" or something, so I asked who they were, and they told me they were a famous communist author and to go read their books. Even in my fucking dreams Im being told to read theory, I cant make this shit up.

So I woke up in a good mood today.

But it seems like every fucking day there’s a new video of drones blowing up cars, snipers shooting kids, POW’s getting murdered. Generals should have known that letting cameras on a battlefield was a bad idea since Vietnam. Now personally I think it’s good this stuff is being documented, not like I want it to happen or want to see it but at least there’s evidence, but I’m thinking from a warmongers perspective, why would you want footage of war to be so wildly disseminated? How hard is it to take away a phone from a soldier? I don’t know how to feel about this, I just know it’s an incredibly wide security gap that no army is willing to plug.

I clearly just don't understand the appeal of tattoos. If they were something like makeup you throw on temporarily for an event then sure whatever but... the permanent, painful, and expensive option is the one everybody chooses? To put a picture of a bird on your arm? Lmao why

I believe that it "thocks," from what I understand. It sounds also like it's kinda sandy, if you know what I mean. Not sure how to describe it. But yeah, I love this thing to death already.

Anyone else has one? And if so, which one? Which type?

I got a Nuphy 75 v2, for the record, just yesterday.