chat

I find myself reading more than ever, but just so I can make sure my jokes are good enough, the comedy here is unparalleled

every time i logged in it said "logged in" in green like it went through, but it didnt, it just kept prompting me to log in again and again. i couldnt message a mod about it bc i wasnt logged in :( and i couldnt create a new account.

anyway, glad to be back!

i have fucking forgotten all of the emote shortcuts but im sure theyll come back to me

edit: apparently it was only 4-5 months but it felt like a year

They were hemming and hawing over the morality of it to me and I was like "I feel like the psychic effects of working there would destroy you, no?" They have actually read some theory and I think consider themselves a leftist. Very funny stuff. Anyway, they didn't get the job for non-political reasons (insufficient microsoft outlook experience presumably). Sorry to use hexbear for gossip, my 'apolitical' friends wouldn't understand why this is funny and my leftist friends would think less of me.

Indy folks, what do you think of it? I've only ever driven through, and I have to say it seems like a complete black hole of culture and human souls. More semi trucks than cars on the roads make it feel like the clogged arteries of the capitalist economy. Can't say as I've seen an actual house, but whole neighborhoods of distribution centers. Lots of religious billboards, Lawyers too. An abnormal amount of aggressive drivers too.

I know just driving through a place and judging it based on how American and shitty it is, is ironic. But it just seems like it sucks. What are your thoughts Hexbears?

I won't explain because I can't, you have to experience it yourself to understand

All the eps are free on youtube so go try for yourself

People are such assholes to me, just got screamed at because this guy's card declined. I felt bad for him, but he was just screaming and being a giant asshole. It's so loud I can't make any sounds out over the constant beeps of timers, and I'm always startled by the shit.

I really hope I can get on disability

The pants were the only pair that fit and they were out of the shorts in my size so they had to be mail-ordered and it cost $125 for these two articles of clothing

Love not being able to find anything that fits me anywhere, really feels like my body type is acceptable and that I'm a real human being who deserves dignity and clothes that fit and chairs I can sit in comfortably

Okay so I knew we had a holiday on Easter weekend at my job and I assumed we'd have Good Friday off, since that's what literally every other job I've had has done and since it's a semi-holiday.

Nope, we got Monday off. April fools! 😂

So now I just burned two attendance points because I was a no-call-no-show and lost out on holiday pay.

Death to America.

I was checking out this guy and his skateboard and drip.

Then he turned around and saw me and I don't think I even remembered to smile.

In my defense I was kinda shook cuz I don't normally find people attractive, let alone men, let alone enough to be staring. He looked so punk-dirtbag and hot. What the fuck.

Anyway I'm here to turn myself in to horny jail.

Maybe you could tell. Maybe you couldn't. But I've been drunk since the 29th. I need to do better and I'm sorry. This is the only place I trust to confess. I need to get better. I need to be better. People rely on me and I'm letting them down.

I'm letting everyone down. Myself included. I hope I didn't say anything fucked up. Gosh I am so frustrated with myself. I want to be better but then the bottle calls my name. It says "hey tomorrow is tomorrow so let's get drunk today."

Lies lies all the pretty lies.

Like I just don't care. A bunch of mercenaries and imperialists got killed and some shit about emails.

I would like to thank my comrades @lemmygrad.ml and @hexbear.net for helping me become the well researched political agent at the holiday dinner table. I'd also like to thank Lenin, Stalin, and Marx, couldn't have done it without you!

I say, It's the pills, it's the drinks But maybe it's just how I think The need to say it with a wink My cynicism's killing me I'm really sorry for the greed Beer's my mistress, I have to leave But that girl keeps calling me And I pick up hoping you don't see

You broke my heart, but gave me yours I left it strewn across the floor I don't blame you not wanting more But better days are sure in store The softest eyes I've ever seen The cleanest air I've ever breathed You're so perfect I can't believe You ever chose to be with me

In the night, in the morning, You're the girl I'm adoring Come together like baskets weave While the cats bite at our feet You're the only drug that I need The greatest high I've ever seen When we're singing and rolling weed Or when we're talking bout planting seeds

Without you, I couldn't breathe Either dead or nodded on the street I don't wanna go another day Of leaving you hurt by my ways It's not okay, I can't ignore it Our life together is like a forest I'm a lit cigarette on a trailer floor And I keep burning holes on the armoir

You may have seen my posts about this person I used to be friends with—I wish I could tell you their name, because it’s such a cool name, but alas, they will always be, to you, the person who won’t talk to me anymore, my ex-friend, or them.

I think I’ve moved on, but not in the way everyone expects me to. Because I fucking can’t, and don’t want to—I am not just lovesick when I tell you how special they are as a person, and it’s not just a symptom of BPD when I tell you how special they are to me. I will always remember them, and nobody will ever replace them, and I’ll always wonder where they are and how they’re doing. If I believed in God I’d pray for them every night.

And I’m not saying this because I’m obsessed. I was obsessed, and I’m ashamed of that, but I don’t think I am anymore, but everyone wants it to be that because it isn’t fucking normal to feel this way. It isn’t fucking normal to have the kind of life I’ve had, either. Or the kind of life they’ve had.

When a friend of mine reached out to them and they said I needed to move on, I had an absolute meltdown. I said so many cruel and awful things—not to them, thank fuck—and for a short while all the love I felt for them combusted into hate. And then I felt ashamed because I remembered who they are. They aren’t a mean person. I really can’t see them hating me, or anyone.

I damaged their trust in me and probably broke their heart. They gave me a lot of chances and a lot of patience and I fucked everything up.

So I’ve moved on in the sense that I’ve sort of made peace with their being gone forever. It makes me sad but I’m not destroying myself over them, and I’m not going to beg for their forgiveness and for them to come back. I’d rather they never hear my name or be reminded of me ever again, if I make them as uncomfortable as it seems like I do. I’ll always have daydreams of bumping into them again, but I only want that to happen if they aren’t going to be freaked out by seeing me.

I’m going to write them one last goodbye letter, which my friend will relay to them if they want to read it. If they don’t, that’s fine, and I understand why.

Obviously can't post proof, but just trust me.

couldn’t fucking sleep during it

gonna have perpetual anxiety about them not getting the data that they needed for it until I find out results

I was interested in go to church tomorrow for the first time in over a decade - mostly due to a recent breakup, and fuck it, why not? Unfortunately all the churches near me are either mega church subchains, or would likely be spewing hatred due to the other lovely holiday happening tomorrow.

While I expected the latter, I’m disappointed by the former. I’m curious to hear anybody’s experiences finding or having faith while having a distaste for capitalism.

2 wrongs make a right sometimes

they find a torah and one character wonders aloud what kind of ink was used and another pipes in with "soy"? like what lol

I never got into it and I feel like I'm missing a huge social part of my life. I've tried alcohol and it just tastes bad. Maybe if I had enough to get inebriated I'd feel different, but so far nothing about the experience of drinking has been good. Also I grew up around Baptists who don't have drinking in the culture, so maybe that's part of it? My parents never had alcohol in the house and there was never beer/wine at family gatherings. I never even saw a full glass of beer in person until I was like 23.

Bars are too loud and there's too much expectation to drink, parties have the same problem, drinking at home alone sounds sad. I go to concerts and I'm the only person without a huge glass of beer. People hand me drinks and I'm like "nah" and they get mega confused.

What do I do

Is this the opposite of a problem?

Hrrb

After I take the SATA cable out and put it back in: Just kidding I'm fine :)

Oh you little rascal you

spoiler

Don't worry, I moved all my data off that drive years ago. Not exactly sure why I keep it in my system

I often forget that with one exception I have never, ever, ever been happy with another living thing in the room. I hate speaking—I wish I had been born mute because the anxiety that’s been tied around my neck as long as I can remember makes everything come out wrong. I wish I hadn’t been Narcan’d. When I finally fucking die, don’t be sad. When I was 4 years old my father screamed his fucking head off at me because I wouldn’t smile for a picture—I don’t think I’ve ever been happy, I just forget sometimes how mean this world is, and those moments don’t really justify anything else. When I die I’ll forget that I exist, and I’ll finally be alone, and the only person I’ve ever loved won’t be afraid of me anymore.

Literally felt like I was in Righteous Gemstones lmao a whole squad of like 30 middle aged dudes turned a corner chanting “Jesus” with a sort of protest cadence and carrying a cross. Funniest thing I’ve seen in a while