chat

I wish coffee was a big drug for me like everybody else.

This is gonna be stupid and vague but my brain only shifts into high-activity write-mode at like 2 or 3 am. I get hit with genuis ideas and brilliant little plots, and then I have two options: wreck myself on an all-nighter before work, or sleep on these ideas and be unable to write jack shit next morning.

It's so stupid, all through the day my brain is asleep, then at night I become borderline manic and wanna write shit. Why, pls help.

BIT IDEA: 48 hour days where I get that maybe four hours of being free from anxiety-inducing external pressure. Just dont fuckin sleep lmao.

I guess it took me a very long time to learn that there are people who are absolutely glued to instagram and TikTok the way I am to everything on my phone in general. I also started thinking about how all of the people I’ve met since my junior year of college (2020) have been people I only knew online, then I transitioned to work which is completely online, and here I am, still meeting more people online through dating apps, discord, instagram, and TikTok. I truly can’t grasp the absurdity of it all, I am living a cyberpunk reality (and I know I’m not the only one).

For the longest time, I thought to myself “Nah everyone else still goes out and meets people, I’m one of the weird ones.” But then I went outside. And I saw people doing what I’m doing right now in the comfort of my own home.

Makes total and complete sense why billionaires invested so highly in crypto and the metaverse. It’s actually another form of class war but applied to the digital realm 🙃

How much longer until we can consider technology, which should’ve been nothing other than a tool, as the new opiate of the masses

He had me worried this morning because I felt his belly while I was giving him his morning pets and it felt like a lump was on it, then he threw up. But feeling him now there's no lump and he's back to being meowy and pestering me for food.

Thats what I want out of my life. What I wanna do with my time here. However you wanna put it.

This isnt inspired by anything bad that happened to me, I was just talking with another comrade about something they've got going on, and I realized that these are the words to convey what I want to do with my life.

That's really all. Nothing deeper to say at this point.

I'm getting a smith machine in my divorce, I'm thinking of giving it a ridiculous name and maybe even making a logo for it. I've attached a pic of what it looks like.

Only thing I've got so far is 'El Tigre'. I could paint it tiger stripes. I'm living with my dad for a bit so I probably couldn't call it Stalin or anything like that. Sorry to disappoint.

in order to paint him as the almost sole driver of this illogical backing of Israel, similar to the way that centrists are trying to paint Netenyahu as the sole maniacal driver on the Israeli side (Israel is fine guys Netenyahu is just a crazy right winger guys, it’s like if Trump was in office, it’s not them guys come on).

Idk, I’m seeing more and more articles and podcasts lately really pinning things on Biden. Talking about him as this shameless lifelong Zionist who is going out of his way to propel this thing on his own, despite some sort of assumed silent administrative majority who apparently doesn’t want this. And like, Biden is a lifelong Zionist, that’s true. But it feels like an attempt to start the process of detaching Biden as a driving actor of the genocide from the Democratic Party and even the US apparatus more broadly, as a way of like setting the stage to salvage these institutions.

I’m seeing this sudden creep of perspective mostly from left/leftish sources though. Not exclusively. But it’s a little surprising.

Am I imagining this? Anyone else seeing this happen? Is Biden really exerting an undue influence on this situation that another steward of US hegemony in a moment of decline wouldn’t? Or is this a legitimate analysis of the situation, and the creep of perspective is actually a step in the right direction. What is going on

FOOD AND GAS PRICES ARE OFF THE ROOF. WELCOME TO BIDEN AMERICA

I THINK INSURANCE IS MANAGED BY SATAN AND MY MEDICAL BILLS WILL BANKRUPT ME SOON

but I don’t want to change anything about this. I think it’s the most superior system and nothing else should be even remotely reformed.

Clown ass country rightfully complains about how everything is expensive and miserable and exploitative but demands that nothing gets changed otherwise companies will retaliate by rising prices artificially anyway

6 hours monitored, 3.5 hours slept, 25 lapses into apnea. In deep sleep the rate practically doubles for me.

Diagnosed with moderate sleep apnea, as they said the line for severe with that duration was 30. I’m genuinely relieved that I know it’s not a habit-centric issue causing this. Also may play a part in the amount of stress I’ve had trying to stay on top of my junior year semesters, along with my ADHD. I AM NOT CRAZY

Getting a CPAP ordered and delivered. If you feel consistently tired throughout the day, look into a sleep study. Anyone can have sleep apnea, it’s not just an aging thing, I’m 20 and I just got diagnosed with it.

Fingers crossed! Of all the jobs I've looked at since being unemployed, this is hands down the coolest!

I think the fascists' fixation on Sydney Sweeney has less to do with the size of her breasts and more to do with her blonde hair and blue eyes. They're thrilled to have an Aryan sex symbol in the mainstream again. They've felt threatened by the suggestion that other types of people can be considered attractive as well.

They also seem to be reveling in the fact that western culture is still superficial and celebrates people for being hot, that physical attractiveness is seen as virtue. Because fascism is an ideology predicated on superficiality, appealing to the most shallow of basic human instincts, they need surface-level aestheticism to peddle their rotten ideas.

Now, let me address the two big elephants in the room. I said I wasn't gonna talk about her boobs but they're not entirely irrelevant to the discussion. Skinny women with big tits represent the mainstream ideal of what straight men like, and fascists want to assert that what straight men like is what's right and true. The cis-hetero male-dominated beauty standard is the only one that should exist in their minds.

In reality, people (straight men included) like all sorts of bodies. But fascists don't like variety and diversity, they want a singular standard for society to adhere to. They want to reduce the complex and subjective experience of being human into something simple, a lie that's easy to understand.

Source

My dad sent this to me this morning, we saw totality for the 2017 one and now my partner and I are in Cincinnati to head into the path tomorrow to see it

I genuinely can’t emphasize how amazing it was to see. It’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.

I've been seeing this totally organic discourse popping up in comments. They found a new silver bullet that allows them to ignore anything being said

Democrats clutching pearls instead of fighting fascism is going to get fascism faster, and it will be all the fault of leftists somehow

this is your last chance to keep me for your epic org. i read pretty much everything ever mentioned on every website. i don't think you can convince me. but i want you to try to make me feel important it's a good thought experiment

Second weirdest post I've ever made. Third maybe? Idk. My best attempt to kill you with secondhand embarrassment alone. It's the lamest trauma anyone has ever had.

Hi chat, so I'm kind of weird when it comes to fiction, big fan. Oftentimes being a big reader goes hand in hand with being a writer, and yeah that's in me somewhere. I'm not super far removed from Ao3 users writing sweaty gay fic about whatever show they like, I guess. Recently though thinking about writing gives me huge panic attacks.

I'd written in bits and pieces through my childhood and stuff, but (yes, again, I swear ot's important) when I read Nevada by Imogen Binnie it really completely busted my brain. Not just in that it alerted me that there were books with queers in 'em, not just in that I swore an oath to search out every fictional trans sapphic I could find, not just in that Maria Griffiths became like half of my personality, not just in that I still can't shut the fuck up about it a decade later. On my 77th re-read of Nevada, I was like "Yeah but what if it was t4t and also a romance and also the leads were younger than sad thirty year old transbian. That would be rad!"

Through my last year of high school, I wrote like 70 pages of a novel manuscript (the formatting was apalling) for that, and even worse than that I started showing it to people. It must have been the autism, but it just never occured to me not to show off this freakishly weird too-personal work-in-progress I was writing. I started by showing it to my awful girlfriend at the time, and then to my parents, and then to people in the writing class I was in at the time. If people didn't know what .odt was, I'd print a copy off, which horrifically means there is still evidence of this Out There Somewhere.

I got nothing but positive reactions, which to be real was probably all of these people trying to be nice to the absurd little autistic trans kid. It was nice except that nobody ever discouraged me from sharing this, so when this older (like 50s-ish) lesbian showed up at a queer youth group I was at and talked about publishing novels, I obviously asked if I could send her my dumb story to look at, and the response I got was the .odt file with so much red pen that the wordcount had more than doubled.

I didn't even get past the first few pages, I get that what I was writing was bad but I was sixteen ma'am, please be a little nicer? My instinct is that a lady in her fifties could have been a little nicer to my bright-eyed, painfully unaware self. I think that's unironically where I got all of my rejection sensitivity stuff from, or at least when it crystallised. I quit writing that shit right there and then, and did not write any fiction from then on. I still wrote giant rambling analysis posts or essays or whatever on video games or movies or books I liked, trying to keep the writing muscles from weakening, but I think the idea that that could eger happen again, and that some random fuck would just completely viciously shred anything I write, before it's even done, kind of messed me up.

By the time I got the guff up to want to write again, I couldn't really do it. I'd sometimes get struck by the lightning bolt of "WRITE SOMETHING" and scratch out some notes, a plot plan, or maybe a page or two of actual story, but nothing ever got far. Always felt stilted and awkward somehow - the shit I wrote in highschool was bad, but I really envy that little bitch for her total lack of self-consciousness. I feel like I'm pre-emptively policing myself all the time or judging and critiquing my own writing as I'm writing it. It stops me all the time, in the last eight years I have successfully completed one short story, six pages and I did not like how it turned out. I'm worse than the "haha I have ten unfinished stories on my hard drive" person; I have like 20 different concepts for stories and maybe five .odt files with less than two pages completed.

It just gets worse and worse it seems, like I have tried showing people my writings since then but the rejection sensitivity is so fucking jacked that I just can't. At this point even when I do get a good idea, and my brain starts the process of boiling over with ideas and dialogue and stuff, my body goes into fight-or-flight mode and my breathing gets unsteady, my chest gets sore. Shit is exhausting and it's why I'm awake now. (3am!)

So, uh, do you have experience with getting over internal cringe response and rejection sensitivity with regard to writing, I guess? It would be cool if I could just idly type out big long stories about women kissing, that's what I'd want. Idk any advice is welcome I guess, not sure what else the point of this is.

If this gets no replies I will delete the fuck out of this post

tbh if it does I might still, this hurt to type and its weird lol

Edit: I’m going to sleep, I’m not ignoring you if it takes like 12 hours for a response.

I can elaborate if you have questions that help clear things up, suffice it to say I’m doing normal ass things and they’ll walk by and pat me on back saying “good job” in the voice one uses when a puppy begs to be let out instead of pissing on the floor.

How the fuck do I go to HR and not sound paranoid/persecution complex” about this? They took it a step further today and the meat department asshole I’ve posted about wanting to duel (damn the consequences) about before slapped my shoulder (I’m not even comfortable with a gentle pat) and said “what a perfectly adequate job you’re doing”. Of course the house trained ….pick a word that I am said “thanks for the compliment”.

I’m going to lose my job after flipping out if I allow them to continue this, yet alone escalating.

Advice?

P.S the people I work with in my department are basically just normies. No better or worse than average American. The deli guy fucking called me little one and I’m still pissed about that because I have a height complex even though Reddit losers have turned into that meaning child and I can’t tell which direction he meant it in.

That's it, that's the post. I am not paying a fucking subscription for a pasta recipe, eat my shit and hair.

asdfas

They’re fucking passive. They should directly implicate the US. Instead of “We are on unceded land of the Salish people” we should say “The US government stole this land from the Salish people and genocided their tribe”

It'll probably melt away in less than a week but fuck me, I was already happily riding my bike everywhere

I just need to vent a little bit and get some feedback from people outside of my friends and family. They love me unconditionally and I know they are never unwilling to listen, but I feel like a broken record lately and really can't find the motivation or make it better. I've really been feeling like an insufferable burden because of my pessimism and cynicism around this topic, so I figure why not unload it on some internet strangers and see what insight I can get from some like-minded people.

I work in big corpo and really really hate it on multiple levels. Everyone around me seems to either be blissfully ignorant or they have found a way to swallow their pride and just exist. I am having a lot of trouble doing that and it makes me feel like an unappreciative shithead. I'm in a good position, in a stable company with a lot of great perks and benefits, but I'm just not happy. I hate the industry, the culture, the work itself, but the people around me have been there for 10+ years, so there must be something I'm missing. Am I wrong for not being able to suck it up and cash my check?

Friend started running a rotation of their and some other peoples original videos 24/7 on a Twitch channel. I want to submit some power hours I made. Basically an hour of 1 minute clips from shows/movies, found footage stuff and music videos. This is obviously against the rules but YouTube has let me post a bunch of them without issue. Sometimes a WWE clip will get the video permanently muted but they've never done anything to my YouTube channel.

Will friend's Twitch channel get nuked into oblivion of they run it? Sorry if this is the wrong comm for this.