chat

I get this because people in my wider wider circle post or talk about their riding, and people in the comments treat horse trainers like they're doing a public service, taking those poor lovely animals out for a stroll or a obstacle course run. And the hobby is such an Instagramable activity because posh people do it, therefore it's cool. There's something attractive to rich people about someone on a horse with tight horse gear clothes.

I need to stress it: riding and owning a horse is expensive af. Even the lessons are absurdly expensive. No one in my circle of friends or even extended family does it. And the hobby is basically just golf in terms of environmental costs. Horses require a fuck ton of water and create a fuck ton more of shit, and they require an ungodly amount of land. I just assume that the labour for feeding and cleaning is done by immigrants, and white people get to to do the cool jobs like training.

Horse people like to brag that many/most of the world's monarchies and aristocracy is really into riding. To me, that should be a massive slight. If Elizabeth and Charles's favourite sport was horsing, that should be a big red flag.

And what gets to me is how horse people are all like "I love my horses". Like I'm sorry, Brett, but if you loved that animal, you wouldn't put a bit in their mouth and make them carry you around. Horse injuries with riders are very common, especially spinal injuries because weight has been placed on where it wasn't designed for weight.

I get in trouble because I point this out and every middle class person in the room gets super upset that their lovely horse hero got their hobby attacked.

Note: this post is only for white horse people. I don't know about nor have an opinion on non-Western horse activities.

seems like the chapo.chat matrix instance is completely closed, the matapacos mastodon instance is too inactive for my liking (still in there tho), i havent really seen any large discords and im aware we dont really like discord here but im at a loss. i wanna connect with more like-minded communists and this lemmy is the only online place ive really seen with similar principles to mine (vegan, non-sectarian, anti-imperialist). anyone got any leads?

For half a year I thought my account was deleted because I couldn't log in. Turns out it was a Firefox problem (and a million plugins I use?). Now I'm here using Chrome smdh

Continuing from this post: https://hexbear.net/post/2636649

First of all, thank you guys for all the hugs and all the stories you shared with me. It's good to know I'm not alone.

I think writing down my thoughts like this really helped me to process some of my feelings. I told my best friend I haven't spoke to in months how much I appreciate him. I shared some more tender moments with my mum. I was finally able to get some decent sleep. So I'd like to write some more.

The biggest thing that is eating away at me right now is how I could have been a better son. He had some health issues that he clearly didn't want to talk about. Every time I tried asking him, he would either be vague, tell me that it's pretty much been fixed or just ignore the question. I think he was doing it so I wouldn't worry about him. Declining health of a close relative is a deeply terrifying subject and I was too much of a pussy to dig any further into it. I'm sure I could have helped with some of his medical expenses. Maybe I should have been more assertive when we talked about it? Maybe I should have secretly slipped him some money through my uncle so that he wouldn't feel guilty about taking money from me? I know it no longer matters, but I just can't stop thinking about it.

And I think he felt a very similar way about being a better dad to me. Throughout my childhood he was often too busy, too broke, too drunk to be there for me at some important moments in my life. And I could tell he felt deep guilt about it. He spent all these years trying to make up for it. Every time we met, he would get me something nice, he would give me life advice, he would recommend me a cool book to read, just generally make me smile when I was down. I just wish I had one extra minute to tell him how much I appreciate everything he has done for me. That despite everything, he raised a wonderful person.

We were both fuck ups in our own unique ways and I think we shared this unspoken knowledge between each other.

My mum said something important to me yesterday. She advised me to think about all the positives as well as all the negatives. So here goes.

He was an alcoholic. It certainly was the biggest single cause of his death. And this is the one thing I 100% cannot blame myself for. I'm not the one who started it. I'm not the one who perpetuated it. And I can't fix someone else's addiction - I wouldn't know where to start. Again, I could have done some stuff. Maybe I should have spoken up that one time when I felt uncomfortable about my uncle pouring him an extra drink. Would that have changed anything though? Nope, no chance of that. I'm just not nearly strong enough to fix something like this. My mum gave up on trying to fix him a while ago and she's sure as fuck stronger than me.
I'm not sure how his alcoholism affected me personally, but seeing your dad drunk as a small kid could not be good for you. I think this is the reason why I always try to stay away from alcohol. And in a way, I'm thankful to him for that too - he gave me an excellent example of what not to do.

Now, regarding my mum. She definitely got the short end of the stick here. He was never physically abusive AFAIK, but there were a lot of more """normal""" marital discord stuff between them. You know how it be, at least some of you do. She has a seemingly endless supply of awful stories to tell. This woman really went through a lot while raising me. And even though I can empathise with her perspective, I just cannot bring myself to hate him. No even a little bit. We were so similar in so many ways that hating him would be equivalent to hating myself. It just doesn't compute.

I guess one thing I should do is to keep some more of my mum's perspective in mind while I'm grieving.

I'm not even talking 5D chess, mid-tier bigotry that people used to get past censors before 2020. Now it's all x ethnic group = violence shit, and FB/IG gets the report and says that it doesn't violate their hate speech rules. And a lot of my lefty friends are complaining about this too. With a war going on, clearly it's in 's best interests to dial up the racism. I just fucking hate it that Meta is allowed to do this.

It was so sudden... He wasn't young. He wasn't in great health. But still, seeing this man who I had so much fun with just a week prior lay motionless on the floor was not something I was prepared for, to say the least.

When I got the bad news a couple of days ago, I felt absolutely nothing. And I hated myself for it. When I got there, I had to fake every emotion. Put on a sad face, keep your head down, act like how a normal person would in this situation. Even seeing his dead body didn't make me feel anything. It just felt like another normal day. I kept asking myself: How come the death of someone I love so much doesn't affect me? What's wrong with me? Am I a psychopath?

The next day, while I was going through files on his computer, it all hit me. He really was gone, and he's not coming back. Never again would we laugh together about some dumb movie we watched. Never again would we talk about video games we've been playing. Or shoot random Gravity Falls references at each other. Or argue about Lord of the Rings lore. I lost such an amazing friend, a man who gave so much of his soul to me. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my entire life. It's a relief to know I'm not insane. I could barely finish writing this paragraph because I begun crying again.

One thing I learned is that five stages of grief is not just some pop-psych nonsense, It is completely real. And let me tell you: Bargaining really fucks with you. It's an endless cycle of questions that cannot be answered. What if we met just a bit more frequently? What if I gave him this gift just a couple of days earlier? What if I'd given him a phone call on the day it happened? Is there any set of circumstances that could have saved him? And for how long? And all that blame... How much of it was my fault? All of it? None of it? I have no idea. My brain has turned into a soup of contradicting emotions. All I can do right now is to distract myself so as to not think about it too much.

I guess now I have Depression to look forward to. Awesome. I must get through this.

Don't know why I felt the need to write this on here, but here it is. Thank you for reading.

stay the fuck home next time

This alone has resulted in several really positive life changes.

Fuck plastic.

Logged into my banking app for it to tell my that my version of Android is outdated, leaving me vulnerable to attacks, and that I need to update my system. I see no updates and sure enough, the manufacturer just recently declared my phone EOL.

I could still log in to my banking app after dismissing the warning but how long is that going to last? Am I actually in danger of being hacked while browsing the Internet on my phone?

Do I really need to splurge on a new phone now? There's nothing wrong with this one. Fuck smartphones, honestly- sure, this shit also happens on PCs with Windows, but you usually get at least a decade of support. I've had this phone for less than five years, and at least with computers you could stick your preferred version of Linux on your outdated device to get more life out of it

It's also really cool how everyone in modern Western society is essentially dependent on one of two Yank megacorps to function, since you need an online bank account to verify your identity for basic shit like healthcare, social security and so on and those require either a Google Store or iPhone app

ie toaster, can opener, ice maker

Inspired by the post about the hieroglyphs the one dude hoped would last forever.

People always talk about future historians being confused at memes and old forums, but surely a lot of catastrophic events could just wipe out the internet wholesale, right? If something REALLY COOL like a giant meteor wiped out everybody, what if aliens came along and were deeply confused that our culture seems to end randomly in the mid 2010s, subsumed by an internet whose only remaining shreds are references in big scientific studies?

The history textbooks on our dumb asses would surely read "and the humans all talked into screens and used "hyper links" to share information and opinions. Very little is known about this obscure human ritual as no evidence can be found of its existence beyond scattered references in ancient texts contemporary to its existence."

Thinkin bout the impermanence of the internet rn

I didn’t get it when I was a kid, not having any idea what it was to suffer or even work a full 8 hours. Now that we’re here gestures to the world around us and I’m older and I understand those things, it hits hard. I don’t know why the songs came into my head lately, but they kind of give me hope. These kids did this, breaking the oppression put on them with their situation and corporate greed. Maybe we can too. I probably need to watch a whole documentary on the situation, but this has a nostalgic draw and emotional attachment to me. And god, the fucking news guy was on their side?! Imagine.

🎶 Leftist dream, wait for me… 🎶

If so, is it hard? Should I just fork over the money to a shop?

Once every week and a half or so, my entire sense of self and social confidence and whatever else just collapses altogether and I end up like this: either upset and crying over how bad I am at talking or angry and fucking grouchy about how bad I am at talking.

Yes "talking" literally is just posting online. I'm not gonna go try to ambush people irl with my weird shit, where would I even go? That stupid new canadian communist party? Local book club? Big brain ideas. Posting online is literally the only social interaction I getoutside of my wife, and I have to otherwise I will recede completely and probably become a full-tilt neet ot whatever.

Most days of a given week, I post and talk to people either by genuinely being happy and talking to people cause it's nice, mischevious shitposting instinct or rarely (read: not on hexbear) using spite as my motivator to post weird(I also naturally post weird without spite frequently).

I have really completely done the fake-it-till-I-make-it shit, and I'm actually pretty good at counjuring/manifesting/summoning via blood sacrifice confidence and self-assuredness, the ability to not worry so much what people think. I guess probably due to my social battery dying routinely though, there are days like today where the air just gets let out and I feel like dogshit and sad and hate everything and everybody. It's unpleasant honestly. I want not to be like this, it would be cooler to be emotionally stable. Pls tell me to touch grass?

Here's how I remember by breaking it into 3 parts.

bour: because the rich are a "bore" and they suck

geo: because the rich rule the world

isie: "easy" because spelling bourgeoisie is easy!

What's your favorite method?

My grandpa passed away recently. Im not looking for any sympathy, we had very large differences of opinion, and he was a miserable old bastard.

I just saw this photo of his, going thru some of his personal stuff. I had to post this. Hateful old fuck or not, he was pretty photogenic.

Anyway, rest in piss old man.

Call it a third life crisis, but when I got out of therapy today I got a call from my boss and pulled the trigger. It's wild how privileged I have to be to be able to do something like this.

I’m fucking crying right now because nothing fucking works. I hate my fucking life.

I haven't used private trackers in a long time, but I was looking for FLAC files and started thinking about it more. Mainly I'd be interested in music, comics/manga, and retro games.

You've shown me your last ad, owl

https://www.reddit.com/r/kansas/s/tQTuFuN42E

How do you get from the value on the left to the value on the right?

| UUID | ? | |

|

| | 2126816c-89f5-4aab-842f-65b9f3a39c8b | 56qHyeZvHYZitUFukWo5rz | | 8b9f9c44-6e1b-485b-af00-c8b0e0067d59 | ieZJYUFB83oQacsNiQ55Bt | | 72bd4bd2-9538-43f3-81b2-b8df991a32d8 | faLTidGsoG1G1TPLKUFcJh |

It's not hex to base64 or hex to base58. That's when I gave up and decided to comradesource it.

Context

PeerTube creates two URLs for each video. The original, long one looks like this:

https://tankie.tube/videos/watch/2126816c-89f5-4aab-842f-65b9f3a39c8b

And the sleeker format looks like this:

https://tankie.tube/w/faLTidGsoG1G1TPLKUFcJh

The database only stores the UUID so the shorter ID must be a function of the first.

Where things like "freedom" are a sincere part of governmental decision-making, and not just an excuse for a few rich old fucks to hoard more wealth. Where there exists a temporarily flawed but fundamentally good organization in every single city in the country devoted only to keeping the community safe and in harmony. Where the people in charge are truly doing their best to make the lives of the common person better.

If the world worked the way liberals think it does I'd have become a cop straight out of high school, I swear. I still harbor thoughts of trying to become a firefighter, but I'm not sure I've got the discipline for it.

I don't really have a point, I've just been chilling and drinking tea and thinking about this. I think this line of thought stemmed from having been mistaken for a cop once or twice and trying to think of exactly the best way to word exactly why I would never in a million years consider it regardless of what you paid me, and thinking about how that concept is kind of hard to understand from a liberal's point of view. To them, saying "cops are fundamentally bad" is like saying "firefighters are fundamentally bad" or "farmers are fundamentally bad." In liberal propaganda, cops are just as necessary (and as enduring) as either of those jobs.