Ask Men

cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/46807163

Since this post posted in /c/womensstuff, a community that prohibits male participation, showed up on the front page of All I'm cross-posting it to a space where men can chime in and answer/discuss it freely.

If you've followed the news recently, there's a trend of young men joining fascist fight clubs. How can we stem the tide? What underlying issues are causing this?

So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

I’m a 21-year-old from a lower-middle-class family, and ever since I finished my intermediate studies from a College (Pakistan) in 2023, I’ve carried a dream in my heart: to walk the leafy quad of a reputable university, to laugh with new friends in the cafeteria, to stay up late talking about life—and to build a future on my own terms. This wasn’t just my dream; it was my mom’s too. I carry her hopes with me every time I sit down to study.

But life had other plans. In 2023, when fees and expenses loomed larger than our savings, my family couldn’t afford to send me on that path. So I put my dream on hold and took a job instead. I started at ₨35,000 per month—and over the last year, through long nights and early mornings, I’ve fought my way up to ₨60,000. I work 8 PM–5 AM, head straight to the gym at 6 AM to clear my head, grab a quick bite, and try to catch 2–3 hours of sleep before doing it all again.

Now, at last, I feel ready to leap—and I want to enroll full-time. But the schedule I’m looking at scares me:

Work: 8 PM–5 AM, five nights a week

Gym: 6 AM–7 AM, for my physical and mental health

University: 8 PM–2 AM lectures, 30–40 km from home, four days a week

Sleep: Only about 2–3 hours a day

Commitment: This marathon would run for the next four years

I know the risks all too well: no safety net if I lose my job, the constant strain on my body and mind, the loneliness that comes with an upside-down schedule. And yet, every time I imagine my mom’s proud smile at my convocation, or the sense of belonging I’d feel on campus, I know I have to try.

My questions for you:

Sustainability: Can a nightly grind, early-morning workouts, and full-time studies truly work over four years—without burning out?

Strategies: What practical tips can help me juggle time, health, and finances? Are there ways to carve out rest, build an emergency fund, or streamline my commute?

Shared Journeys: Has anyone else lived this upside-down life—nights at work and days in class? How did you keep going, and what would you change if you could?

I pour these words out with hope—and with fear. But more than anything, I carry determination: to honor my mom’s dreams, to prove to myself that I am capable of more, and to finally step into the world of campus life I’ve always imagined. Any advice, shared stories, or even just a few words of encouragement would mean the world to me. Thank you for listening.

How do you even deal with this, it's like competing for everything, job, dating basic necessities etc. You slip for a moment and you will be replaced.

So I’m looking for a new set of beard/other clippers as my current one finally fell apart after almost 20 years. I’m looking for a professional, corded one that you can put different size guards on. So Lemmy Men, what are you using?

I have heard people say "would you rather share your emotions with a woman you know or a tree in the woods", but that doesn't really feel like it's an equal question in my head. I am curious if anyone has a better example of the "mens" version of that question.

Just wondering if the average man really does struggle, even if they're fit

I need a male perspective on this.

My husband and I have a healthy sex life, but lately, I’ve been working a lot of grueling night shifts as a pediatric nurse. We’ve committed to helping his sister with her treatment costs, so I’ve been taking on more shifts to contribute.

On Monday, I worked an 8-hour shift that ended at 6 AM. I got home around 6:30, and I’ll admit I wasn’t the quietest since I had to grab my pajamas from outside. I accidentally woke him up, apologized, and got into bed. He was a little annoyed but started initiating. I told him—gently—that I was exhausted, especially since I had just lost an inpatient. But he was clearly frustrated, and he had to be up for work in two hours, so I ended up going along with it.

We talked the next day, and he admitted he’s been feeling frustrated with how often I’ve been turning him down. We used to have sex daily or close to it, but now it’s around four times a week since my schedule changed. He told me that “marital duties” aren’t something you can just neglect based on how you feel in the moment and asked how I would react if he just stopped paying the mortgage because he was “too tired.” (For context, I cover about 45% of it, so it’s not like I’m not contributing financially.)

I get where he’s coming from—he has a high libido, and I know intimacy is important. But I didn’t think saying no when I’m sleep-deprived and emotionally drained was unreasonable. That being said, I’ve seen a lot of men on r/deadbedrooms frustrated with the “I’m tired” excuse, so I’m wondering—do most guys feel this way? Even if a change in circumstances is temporary, does a wife have an obligation to always meet her husband’s needs? What’s actually a “good” reason to say no?

Would really appreciate some honest opinions.

Feel free to also elaborate on life goals that you have achieved or failed to achieve, and how/why that happened!

It occurred to me that, as an adult, I feel I need a reason to invite friends over. My wife thinks this is pitiful. I invited a couple of friends over for a curry and a boardgame night - it was a fine evening - but without that reason of having a shared activity, I'd never have done it.

Jusy wondered if I'm alone in this, and if there's any men out there who DO invite male friends over with no plans or expectations for the evening?

Pic unrelated.

Just curious since I turned 40, my morning wood has increased. I get this almost every night.

I have been on TRT roughly 2 years and do 140mg/week of test cyp. Overall it has been life changing. I originally suspected something was off about 4 years ago and fought with my primary care doctors about getting tested for low t. My results came back at 150ng/dl with the “normal range” being 240-750ng/dl. After the results my doctor tried to put me on anti depressants. I told them to screw off and called a clinic the next day.

I got these Hanes x-temp things that several years ago that were the best I'd ever had, but they've changed them up so they're mostly plasticy now.

it's expensive buying different brands to find when you like, what have you all found? bonus points if you live in a place we're going outside inevitably means swamp crotch

cross-posted from: https://lemm.ee/post/38443030

I'm a man in my 40's, moved to a new area and trying to make friends. A guy I've had lunch with a couple of times and we've connected pretty well. I'm not getting disinterested vibes when we're actually at lunch. However, I've invited him to lunch 3 times recently, once each month, and he's not responded. He's responded to other texts. "Hey, I'm going to event XYZ, any advice" and he'd reply. I've run into him at the grocery store twice in that time period and he's been genial. He's never offered/initiated lunch or anything, but that's not new. (No one ever asks me to do things, I'm The Organizer.) I'm getting really, really mixed signals.

How many more times do you try in a situation like this before you "take the hint" and stop?

I know this is a weird question. But I'm just wondering. Please don't kill me.

I do body weight exercises. And finding it harder to do exercises that want me to lay down on my front side. ^Because,^ ^my^ ^____^ ^is^ ^squishing^.^😮‍💨^

Also, there is a stupid stigma that exercise makes women more masculine. But are there any workouts that make a man look feminine? Like, it would be bit weird to see a BLL sized butt on a man, right?

This question came to my mind when I saw a workout plan in my app. The plans' name is "Bikini Body". I was like, "I should probably stay away from this. But what happens if I did it anyway?"

x

Make sure to stay fit and mentally healthy yo!